Who's zoomin who?

So your in secondlife, and you want a tiny baby unicorn? No problem. They are free to all, as long as you don't mind getting totally boned by a horned wonder horse. Apparently, the unicorn doesn't shoot a full load every time, and it may take multiple times of getting your swerve on with the unicorn to get the baby unicorn. But if you get bored trying, Sensual Statues has several different things that would be more then happen to grab and rape your avatar while you wait.

ASDFQWERTy I can't think of a post title.

OK. So I set up a etsy shop last night, to maybe sell a few of my pictures I have taken, or some other odds and ends. I also have up there a couple geeky gamer things my sister has made, so please check out her Super Mario and World of Warcraft bead art, and maybe buy one or two.

So, here is how this next part is going to work. I made two youtube playlists, one is of summery summer music, and the other is funny summery activities. You can enjoy this any of three ways:

1. Watch the funny summery videos, then watch the summery summer music.

2. Press play on the summery summer music, and then turn the volume down on the funny summery videos

3. Don't watch either, and let me know to stop wasting time making these playlists and post more furry porn.

4. Play the music, while enjoying the rest of the post

And here are the Summery funny videos!

So universally Bioshock is hitting to rave reviews (minus the fucking secure-rom bullshit that they will eventually have to take out, and a few other launch bugs). Pretty much anyone who plays it realizes that it is a fucking gaming masterpiece.

So what do you think is going to be the response when you totally pan the game in a three paragraph review on your Sony fanboy site. Enjoy your bleeding ass. (click that second link folks, its still one of my favorite older school internet reads.)

Thank god our gov't is still doing things to protect us on some fronts. See The Ocular Penetration Bill Of 2007 Also from the ONN, The new gap kids, made by kids for kids line seems to be a huge hit!

Man, this is far superior to the lame little bunny foofoo shadow puppet I whip out for my kids from time to time.

ATHF Zombie Ninja Pro-Am Trailer I don't think I have ever seen a game title that more sums up what a game is all about. But they leave out that it also involves mini-golf. This game is going to be the best kart racing/fighting/golf game ever created. And in case you hadn't seen it yet, the intro the the ATHF movie is fucking genius.

Do you have several hundred old processors just laying around? Craft that shit up motherfucker!

I would have never thought of stacking dice as something even remotely entertaining, thank you interwebtubes. Man, some of these videos are pretty crazy.

I found the site Pirate Rehab a few months back, and its been a great place to find awesome freeware to replace things I maybe would have gotten previously in not so ok ways.

Anyways. Time for me to turn in for the night, I've been switching between this post, and trying to fix some dhcp errors on one of my servers at werk, so this post was a little bit shorter then I wanted it to be.. but I gotta get to bed, or else morning will be more hell then usualy. Enjoy the links.

Links from the way back machine.

So I have about 500 links stored in folders to try to get through and get posted on here. So hopefully I will be doing a bunch of shorter posts to work though some of this.

What if game titles really told the truth about the game you were about to play?

I love scam-baiting. So watching these Nigerian scammers do the Dead Parrot sketch from Monty Python made me laugh.

This website features what happens when grown up artists take kid's drawings of monsters and put some polish on them.

Laughing at a copy pulling a stupid rookie mistake is fun!

Super tips to save you time, money and energy! And Super food tips!

So, like I said, just a short one. More to come. Night night.

60 revolutions per minute this is my regular speed.

Just a couple of quick links for your Sunday enjoyment!

This office wall prank is pretty classic.

Breaking news: Apparently yesterday there was a Robot Revolution in the streets of San Francisco recently, but luckily mankind was able to quell this insurrection before they were able to place themselves in power.

So that last link, got me thinking about my old favorite, Robot Frank. By the looks of it, the official robotfrank website got squatted, but at least he's on myspace. By the looks of it though, GayRobot is more popular.

How Ninja's work.

This is some hardcore MacGyver shit right here.

Links fer lunch

Man. All I could ever do with my kites as a kid is crash them and get them stuck in trees. This is WAY cooler.

Is Robotard the best game ever created? Probably not, because there is alot of competition on godawful games

Every job has its perks, and its fallbacks, this is one of those times for these two unlucky magicians. And here are some more.

This is exactly what I would do if I found out my dorm was attached to a neighboring one by a tunnel.

What happens if one of the

worlds best violinists performs in a subway for change? How often do we pass by real talent in our day to day lives and just ignore it because we are too busy?

Music n' links

So tonight I want to bring you some of the music I have been listening to lately, along with some links.

So here is how this is going to work. I went ahead, and instead of making a ton of links to youtube videos for you to clicky on, I made a play list of the Artists I am going to write about,  you can just click on the play right below here, and enjoy the music as you are perusing the links and such. Hope you enjoy!

 

 

 So the first band you are listening to, unless you are skipping this section of my post, is Gogol Bordello. They are a Gypsy Punk band. Yeah, you heard me. Heavily influenced by punk/rock/funk/and the traditional music of Romania and Eastern European, and Gypsy music. In 2005 the band (Especially the lead singer Eugene Hütz) were featured in the movie "Everything is Illuminated" which is fucking excellent, and where I was first exposed to the band and their music. Their albums so far are:

Voi-La Intruder - 1999
Multi Kontra Culti vs. Irony - 2002
East Infection - 2005
Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike - 2005
Super Taranta - 2007

Bonus Gypsy link!

 

The second Artist, and this bit will be short, is Cas Haley. He's a contestant on "America's Got Talent". I really could care less about the show, but the first time I saw a video of him on youtube, I thought to myself "This fucker needs to be taking Bradley Nowell's spot in sublime, and the band needs to start putting out awesome music again."

 

Now the third band, I won't lie about this one. It's a total guilty pleasure band. They are not something I can crank in the car, because I will get laughed at for being a dice chucking Fantasy nerd. But sweet fancy moses is fucking Dragonforce a bad ass band. Take INSANE speed metal, and combine it with crazy fantasy lyrics and the occasional video game noise coming from the smoking guitars, and you cannot go wrong. Supposedly they are going to be featured on Guitar Hero 3, and that would make even the most hard core players fingers bleed. But not as much as the Guitar Hero Dueling banjos. That shit is far more insane. Dragonforce has put out three discs so far:

Valley of the Damned - 2003
Sonic Firestorm - 2004
Inhuman Rampage - 2006

Anyone of those discs will gladly dress up in a unicorn fursuit and rape your favorite band's cds.

 

So that is that. If you liked it, please leave me a comment so I can know if I should do it again and some point. If you didn't leave a comment as well I guess, and then take that comment and shove it directly up your ass. On with the links.

For years now, I have wondered to myself: "Self, what would the peanut's gang look like if they were rendered in Anime?" Well. Question answered..

There are definitely some things that you choose to sacrifice running

Linux as your primary OS, and to be honest, wine just plain sucks running virii. Sorry to say it.. but its the truth.

I am a big fan of Survivorman, Les Stroud is the fucking man. Lately though, an imposter to the throne Bear Grylls, and his show Man vs. Wild has been getting a lot of show on discovery. Well, not only is Les just plain better than Bear, this clip shows that Man vs. Wild has no qualms about flat out lying to you, and Bear is a phoney.

I'm sure Cory has seen most of these when the originally aired, but hopefully there will be a few nuggets in here even for him.

Check out this video of Cyril Raffaelli, who may just be the heir to the Jackie Chan niche. He is still not as ninja as this guy though.

How many spidermen can fit into a Jamba juice? Make your guess then watch this clip from the Late Show.

Man. This video is hard for me to watch. Getting revenge on your roommate that had sex with your girlfriend is completely understandable, but did you have to fucking involve Boba Fett?

I had no idea at all that The Continental was a spoof of an existing show, I just thought it was some wonderful nuggets of Christopher Walken..

This is one bad ass backpack. I don't know if I could ever wear it in public, but that's only because I fear unleashing its awesome upon the world, not at all because I would be embarrassed.

Man, this skittles commercial is both awesome, and kind of sad.

These videos are from awhile ago, but watching these guys prank the dmv is fucking hilarious. I thought it was supposed to be harder for suspicious people to get IDs...

If this is seriously the explanation that I have been waiting for my entire life, I will be kind of disappointed. I have always been intrigued by the moving rocks of the the Racetrack Playa in Death Valley.

This video of a iceberg tipping over is pretty insane. Its easy to forget sometimes how huge these things really are.

My dad used to bowfish, but it was nothing as extreme as this shit. Wtf?

And finally, who doesn't love a little passive aggressiveness. These notes, chronicled for our enjoyment range from the inadvertently funny, the sad, then back to funny.

As always (usually) Your BLECH OF THE DAY!!! with bonus semi-related grossness.

Holy shit.

Usually I don't post the political bullshit here. I leave the world of crazy ass politicians to my main man Cory at SpaceTomatoes, but I had to comment about this.

We need another 9/11?!

Apperantly thats what this fucking retard thinks.
I bet the general public will totally get behind this. Fuck, book me a plane.
Holy Christ.

Regardless how for or against the War you are, 9/11 was bad. No fucking good has come of it. (unless you run a major oil company)

I don't even know how to fully vocalize how completely fucked this article is. Stu Byofsky may quickly become the second most hated man in America (sorry, hell's got a special place reserved for Bush)

So Stu. Good luck in the future, as you see your career and dreams fade away. I was going to write a sentence about how if there was another attack I hope hes in it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The people who died that day didn't deserve it, and to say more people deserve to die just so we can fucking hop on the bandwagon with our bullshit fake patriotism and fucking sell more Lee Greenwood cds and flags, thats fucked.

Anyway. Since I've never really done a political rant before, and I feel kinda sick from reading that article, here is this, Sexy Stormtroopers.

Welcome to the new digs.

My old host is shutting its doors. jonsnews / jonslinks / whatever I called it at different points was hosted with Vectorstar.net for 7 years, and I'm sad to be moving.
But its also a chance to change. New name, a little bit of a tweaked design, I have a few other tricks up my sleeves. So hopefully this change will be for the better. Ah well, on to the post.
So right now, jonsnews.vectorstar.net is down. So If your finding this site. I'm not positive how. Once it comes back up, and until it dies for good, I'll put up some redirects. So if your here, bookmark this page and go ahead and get rid of the old address.
On to some content!

Oh god. I can't wait until I get to see "Minesweeper: THE MOVIE"

Wtf‽ Venomous Butterflies‽ This shit needs an interrobang.

I love Old Grandma Hardcore. Who doesn't, I've also got to enjoy the frustration that you can experience in Overlord. Its a hell of a game though. Give them shit granny!

While I still think that "Let Forever Be" is one of the best Checmical Brothers videos, their newest, "The Salmon Dance" is very very good.

Awhile back, I linked the flickr set of a fellow named Goopymart called "teh internets", which was quite awesome. Well now Ape lad has made a similar set, of http error codes as comics.

Tee hee hee, is tiny little ninjas!! Whats worse than tiny ninjas? Tons of ninjas, can there be too many ninjas?

Check out 'The Glitch' a short movie starring the piefucker, Jason Biggs.

WTF!? A man with a tail?!?!!?!?

God. Ironman is going to kick incalculable amounts of ass.. I cannot wait. Oh yeah, and Kevin Smith is still the shit. I can't wait to see his season opener for heroes...

And to wrap up this tiny little post, a first (I think). I give you:

THE MULTIPART BLECH OF THE DAY Now with bonus wiki-power!

So anyways. Welcome to the new site. Its the same as the old site. Night night.

The greatest

*My websites host has had some ftp problems the last couple days, holding this post up, I'm working on another right now, but they got it fixed so here is this"

Zach Galifianakis x Kayne West = Greatest Rap Video EVER!!

Chore Wars, the greatest way to make cleaning/working fun! (I have created a tech support group, if anyone wants to join, let me know!)

Greatest Gaming setup EVER!

Greatest BLECH OF THE DAY.. I'm sorry...

Best Barney video!

Greatest shamisen performance video!

Best cold weather hat of all times! I want this for my birfday this year!!

Best alternative to watching porn at work!

Great zombie survival training video!

Time for a little Oblivion, then its off to sleepy land.

This sucker's electrical, but I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 jigawatts of electricity I need.

I know you guys remember that line from Back to the Future. I came across it today while looking up some information on IMDB. Long story short, the trivia page mentioned that the writers had hear the Jiggawatt pronunciation at a science conference, and liked the sound of it. According to Wikipedia "A prominent example of the soft G pronunciation is found in the 1985 movie Back to the Future, where gigawatts was pronounced as jigawatts"
So what I propose is this:
Lets bring jigga back. From now on its jiggabytes and jiggahertz. Fuck yeah, my PC has a 3.0 jiggahertz core 2 duo. and 500 jiggabytes of HD space.

On to todays how-to videos. Learn how to make a massive smoke bomb complete with pull ring fuse! Sweet!

I read the "His Dark Materials" trilogy a few years back. Still one of my favorite reads of all times. I honestly cannot wait for the movie. Judging from this trailer, its going to be the tits.

This is seriously the pinnacle of the whole "ghost riding the whip" thing. Seriously. Stop now..

Now its time for some beautiful music to sooth you.

My man Joel sent me this the other day. Its seriously one of the funniest things I have ever seen. My wife and I have watched it probably about 100 times by now. I can't get enough....

Is there anything cooler than a giant tesla coil playing the super mario theme with lightning bolts? Probably, but its seriously fucking cool....

And heres a BLECH OF THE DAY for all you DIY'ers!!!

Have fun kiddies. Lots more to come now that I finally got all my news feeds caught up from vacation..

I'M IN UR X Ying your Z

Super-Size Me (with Whiskey!)

Why are people so fucking retarded? Don't they realize that when they give their kids names like "Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K" (Pronounced Yourhighness, and Special K after the drug Ketamine) or "4Real" that they have to walk around with those for the rest of their lives?

I usually try to keep my distance from 'american idol' type crap. But this guy from a recent America's got talent is really good. I would totally buy some of his music.. if.... you know.. I actually bought music..

PEW!!!! its Nintendo Papercraft! New desk toys!!!

This is the very exact reason I fucking hate amusement parks! Fuck that shit..

Oh man.. I have spent WAY too much time looking through this extensive list of Macro's from the 4chan boards.. some fucking awesome shit here.. and oh yes.. Cat Macros..

This post now with bonus lolcats! Is it wrong that I subscribe the rss feed from that site?

About a month ago, Chris from cutewithchris posted a video of him performing the lyrics of "Buy You a Drank Shawty" which I thought was fucking great, since then I have been scrubbing his archives and the guy is actually rather funny. Since then, He's also "covered" a interview with T-pain, and dealt with the comment fallout from his video from the internetidiots.

mmmm Hopsicles!

Ok. So this dress technically has not inside, so if you have it on, are you actually naked? God I love mobius strips, and Klein bottles...

And finally. The (not totally gross) BLECH OF THE DAY

Because not knowing how to cook, is like not knowing how to fuck.

I'm sure you all already knew that Robert Roderiguiz is the fucking man.
Did you know that he includes a "10 Minute Cooking School" on some of his DVDs?
No?
Well. Its fucking awesome. Like everything he does.

How-tos

How-to: Make instant freezing hot ice

How-to: Make Thermite

Wheee. Don't go blow yourselves up kids.

How to irragate your nasal passages.

It does what the title says.

Hello. I'm a Marvel. And I'm a DC.

I saw this quite some time ago, and its still one of my all time favorite fan made starwars videos.

Here is a pretty neat Acapella performance from Imogen Heap. Its neat how she layers her voice.

I allmost allways point my key fob at my head in order to unlock my car from a greater distance. In case your not, watch this video to learn the whys and hows.

God save the queen.

I just read this article over at HardOCP about framerates in Vista Vs. XP. Here's my list of things I love about vista:

• Its freaking huge! Think of all the empty hard drive space you can get used up!
• Just the OS needs a gig of ram! Hooray for upgrades! Two gigs if you plan on running solitaire and word at the same time.
• It’s secure! Who doesn’t like having to click 3 times to allow every single thing they click on to run. Thanks for taking care of all that spare time MS!
• It’s backwards compatible! It will run practically dozens of older applications!
• It will help reduce those ridiculous frame rates I get when I play games!!
• Its pretty!!!!11!!!! Who needs functionality?!
• ReadyBoost! Cause your going to need to squeeze every bit of performance out of your PC if you plan on running Vista.

Fucking A. Seriously.. Some of those games the Vista framerate was HALF as much as the same game in XP.. Go microsoft!

Heres a fun flash shooter game to check out!

This is bad assed. I want one of these for my bedroom!

Super Glitch Bros. What the fuck!?! He's upside down, Oh god now hes standing on thin air?! I allmost like some of the glitched music better. Kinda chip-tone. Read the video description for how he did it.

Howstuffworks: Lightsabers

I thought Harry Potter was a bit familiar.

A softer world, is an awesome webcomic made from old photographs. I really dig it.

Thats right.. Mother fucking Zombies, on a Mother fucking PLANE!!!

Well.. Thats it for me.. time for LOTRO.

A little sumpin sumpin to keep you busy.

Posts may be sparse for a bit. LOTRO is really good..

So heres a little nugget for you. Probably one of my favorite episodes.

Thank god for wikipedia

Starwars Dudes.