Crank Yankers is now one of my most favorite TV shows EVER

Only two people are interested in a porn extravaganza contest?
How about some kind of other contest?

You best check your feces!

One of the greatest apple ads EVER!


I got the funk in my trunk..

And I just had to take a shower to get it all off of me...

Man.. Thats pretty gross...

So.. Since I last posted I have gotten my own store to manage.. I will soon be the manager at the Hillsdale Movie Gallery.
MGA Inc Happens to be americas largest hard core sex video rental chain.. Which you have no idea how much that excites me..

Christ! If I had knowen that pirating software was going to get my fat ass sucked into my computer then I would have never started years ago.. OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How much is your poop worth?

Which Torture method am i?

Ooooooooooooo Shiney Shiney Shiney flash!

Its comforting to know that last week we allmost got assfucked by a asteroid..

I just put in my order for my robotic exoskeleton, my budget rail gun home kit, and 100 henchperson uniforms. I have to save up for the secret lair though... I think I will be going for the orbiting space station... All avaible at villian supply dot com
Maybe you don't want to go for the full gusto of ruling the world.. check out henchjobs.com and get in at the ground floor..

Find out the science behind all of your favorite superheros.. How could spidey really walk up walls, how can supes leap over tall buildings in a single bound?

TEst your science IQ

Check out this site with tons of bad movie physics.. Fun shit..

Fuck that job... A very very good site about the fucked up-ness of finding a job now-a-days

Now.. I need your input.. every one of you fuckers reading this I need your honest input and I need your commets in the comment thingy at the end of this post.. Who would bite on a contest or two? I have several ideas. One free/cheap for some pretty cool shit.. the other slightly more expensive (I'm thinking a few bucks donation per ticket) for a HUGE ASS STASH OF BRAND NEW UNOPENED PORN DVDS and VHS and generally cool movie shit.. I dunno.. Maybe something similar for non-porn movies (vhs and DVD) too... Just trying to come up with some ideas to keep shit cool here and keep people interested...
Please drop a comment at the end of this post and let me know...


I gotta question

How do you guys feel about my posts now? Do they stand up in quality to the oldschool JonsNews?
Sometimes I feel like I am running out of words and its just link link link.. Thats why I have to take breaks sometimes because it seems to me like my old posts would allways have tons of talking and stuff and links too.. I dunno..

It looks like even Kevin Bacon is involved with terrorist activity!

Somewhere deep down inside it bothers me that someone found my site searching for this..

Woah! Its porn star action figure!

Have any of you heard about this diskT@2 yet? Oh man.. I just figured out that if you pronounce it its disk tatoo.. sweeeeeeeet

Hmmm Is this shit true about a jpg virus?

Weird clips of sentances heard in passing. Cool shit..

Oh man.. is it?? could it be?? the weirdest fetish I have EVER FOUND EVER!! OH YES!! OH HELL YES!! This crazy MOFO apparently has a quicksand fetish!!

Diary of a cat/diary of a dog

check out this crazy cat flash video.. it borders on freaky..

OMFG!!!! PETERPAN AND TINKERBELL BROKE UP!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Oh yeah.. and please do yourself a favor and check out the PixyFriends page...

This is quite possibly the best way to make soup ever!

This is BY FAR one of the weirdest music videos I have ever seen..

This is quite possibly the worst fursuit that I have ever seen.. I don't know how someone could think he is going to get some freaky fursuit sex in this one..

Bible Sex Facts - yes folks.. it is ok to nail you wife with the old dildo! God wants you to...

All of the worlds conspiracys wrapped up in one easy to read gif..

Looks like you'll be able to pick yourself up a flying car for only about 50,000 dollars soon..

Now you too can cook with Christopher Walken!!

Here are the lyrics to all the great demeted songs that I (and I would imagine some of you) used to listen too.. Fishhead.. fishheads... BOOT TO THE HEAD!

I think this is the coolest fantasy league that I have ever seen.. Pick your favorite fugitive from justice and score points!

Welp, I'm gonna get going and play some baldurs gate before worksi and maybe watch rollerball too.. later.. enjoy da links.


You'll be selling books at the airport..

I know their used to be this crazy site that did all sorts of crasy shit that scott used to be pretty entertained by.. I think he will like this one..

Heres some naked magic for you:
Did you know that there's a small tube that runs from the uppermost point of the inside of the foreskin, through the body cavity, and out the intestine? It's true!
This can be demonstrated -- nothing up my sleeve! -- by tucking a small handkerchief up inside a foreskin, massaging gently, and then removing it from the rear. To demonstrate -- and prove that no sleight of hand is involved -- the magician AND his lovely assistant are 100% NAKED for the entire trick!

Last night the TV station TRIO was showing a uncensored version of the Martin Scorsese Movie 'The Last Temptation of Christ'. It was my first time ever watching it and I have to say it was very much worth staying up and seeing. With a all star cast such as Willem Dafoe as Jesus of Nazareth, and Harvey Keitel as Judas it was a seriously kick ass movie. Willem Dafoe was allso awesome in the recently released Boondock saints. Its also odd that at the bottom it says that if you liked this movie you should see Donnie darko. I am obsessed with Donnie Darko. I have seen it about 10 times in the last couple months.. its one of the greatest movies ever.. I mean.. How many movies does the IMDB list in 5 different generes. And can you think of any movie ever with a giant rabbit named Frank from a alternate dimenions/the future that is predicting the end of the world? I didn't think so... And the soundtrack kicks my ass repeatedly up and down the street..

We have allready seen the bangbus. Where they go pick up guys to have sex with chicks.. well.. what about the baitbus.. Where the tag line is what does it take for a straight guy to go gay?

Deep sea creatures have allways interested me. I had never heard of the " Vampyroteuthis infernalis" (vampire squid from hell) until i read this article though...

Little did I know that all these years when cory was sticking his finger in our cats ass and going "bloop" he was actually making the mating call of Cthulu

I've been reading the AS&S catalog for a really really really long time.. its great to see i'm not the only geek out there that digs this shit.. Read about Matt from X-E's recent trip to their store!

Its the action figure you all have been wanting for years.. I know everyone reading this is going to go out and buy this super awesome kick ass figure!

Take pictures of your tech pit and send them in and compare your desk mess to everyone elses...

I need to talk about something that gives me a complete and total boner. I have a thing for caves and underground civilazations. I love reading about the green childern of St Martins land, or the theories of the Hollow Earth Organization. But finding out that there is actually a civilzation budding under Moscow kicks ass!!!. But my Fascination doesn't end with just caves and spelunking. I also love reading about urban infiltration and exploration. I also like the modern ruins site as well...I am reading the Minneaplis Drain Archive right now too and its really quite good!. I also dig on Centralia, Pa, and no mention of centralia is complete without a link to my friend Bnibs site about it. And once you've read through these sites (Or not as your prediliction may be) Check out the hub for the webring for tons of more sites...

Oh god.. I just ran across these crazy dilbert comics.. I think I spit SODA out of my nose the first time I read this shit..

100 holes!!!!! Some hot.. some wet.. but all gaping for your viewing!!!



The giant keyhole nebula finger of friendship!!!!!

'Reckless' Ned Kelly was really a bulletproof australian outloaw.. Not just another wonderful Yahoo Serious movie...

Just in case you guys are all thinking that I am forgetting you I got your BLECH OF THE DAY right here

Monkeywire.. Allmost as great as cowblog

Adult webmaster school!!!

Ninjas shut down local highway!!!

Manson or Tyson?? You decide!!

Well.. I started this post at 5 AM this morning.. Its 2:49 in the evening and I gotta go get ready for work.. enjoy the links lads and ladies..


Two long slow naps later

I'm back...

Fuck the sims. Its the osborns..

I am a evil genius. Check out some more fun quizes here..

Chat pranks are great.. Check out what this "whacky 14 year old girl" chats about.. Like having Zeus' baby!

This one goes out to sam and eli wherever in this crazy world they are.. Not that I think they are reading my site since I started it after both of them left..

Check out this guys unusual fortune cookie collection..

Fuck PGP for encoding your secure emails.. code them in spam!!!

me and my monkey in thirty-two locations

Oh boy do I ever have some weird shit for you boys and girls out there.. How about:
Iron Chef PORN!!!
Sesame Street porn????
Oh dear lord. Garfield porn too!!!

Well.. I am going to cut this one short and head to bed.. look for another post tommorow before work...

I am going to make a old dirty bastard bomb and drop it from the wu-tang plane

I'm about fucking sick of hearing about the dirty bomb.. What we need is a good crew with some soap..

Excuse me.. I can't hear you.. I seem to have a arachnid in my ear...

Its good to see someone out there is keeping the old crazy hostess comic ads alive and out there for people to view.. some great stuff... Also check here for a little history about the ads..

"Our life-sized cocks are hand painted and include enough meticulous details to fool even the most ardent cock fancier. And all our cocks come with a lifetime guarantee! If they ever stop standing up you will get a full refund!"

I don't care what you say! Its soda!! Pop is a fucking noise.. Pop is what my knees do.. "Excuse me sir, would you care for some refreshing BOING??"

I never realized the Nuge kicked so much ass.. Ted nugent says some incredibly intelligent things in this interview... He even has me wanting to start hunting again...

Oh yes friends its once again time for the 7th Anal Kris Kross Day.

Now you can get that little dangly thingy in the back of your mouth pierced!! YAAAAA

The big list of goofy names!

OHHH I so want the perfect sideburns. Speaking of sideburns a week or two ago some crazy fella came into the store and was all tattooed up like like Manson on his arm, swastikas on his forehead and CATS WHISKERS AND EYELASHS AND SIDEBURNS TATTOOED ON!!!! it was really super creepy.. and he was looking for old black and white movies. But still not as disturbing as the guy who came in awhile ago looking for the R Kelly porn....

Its an orgy at the sims house. Sounds like something cory and I would have done back in our sims torture chamber days..


I had no idea there was so much bondage in the comic books

Here are some quick superhero fantasies for you too

Umm I gotta go.. A scantily clad girl just walked by the computer room.. I'll post later after my nap...


Milking anal sacs for fun and profit

I feel bad for stickfigure warning man. He has the shittiest job in the world...

I allways had this odd idea that I would love to live in a grain silo.. I think it would be the shit. Have like a 6 story house. And some of those suckers are kinda big so you could fit a couple rooms on some of the floors. But I'm not that great with heights so maybe a missle silo is a better idea...


its the flugeldufel Techno Teddy!!

I bet each and every one of you guys is out there wondering "jeeze.. If I was in rainbow bright world which character would I be??" I know I spend my days and nights thinking about it.. So go here and find out..

Accidental video game porn RULES!!!

Oooooooooo Behold the gourdspeaker!!!

This is about the only origami that I am capable of making. I could never stretch my mind around the erotic origami here.


I know I got down on superhero movies yesterday, but I can't help but love em'. I mean.. I'm still a kid at heart and nothing thrills me like a good comic come to movie.. Hell I will probably even watch the wondersuck twins movie.. But. Click here for all the hype on all the great superhero movies coming soon..

Well.. I am off to go watch a couple movies and play some medal of honor before work.. tally ho!


One link to rule them all, and in boredom bind them.

Stare in wonder and amazement at the JAPANESE ASCII PENIS HEADED CAT MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 So great it makes me want to jizz onto the ascii moon!!!


We are the corkdolls.. I dunno why.. I just find it odd...

OH MY GOD!!! I think I found the answer to all my health problems!!! Make sure to get a good look at the pictures!!!

I was talking to this robot online and I asked what a penis was, and it told me that it was the male organ used to excrete waste and for sex. I then asked it what sex was, it told me that Freud said that sex was the mathmatical urge repressed. So I asked what math was and it told me that it was a service that catholics went to... So I guess that the penis is basically a tool you use to pray with...

Buckaroo Bindlestiffs Wild West Gender Bender Jamboree!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!!!!!!!!!!!

You finding ling lings head?

KiKis House of erotic pets!! Fun stuff!!



jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop This is definatly something I could get behind.. The only documented sightings are in ohio too!! Hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmm This upcoming TV show seems like it has some potential, if the WB doesn't kill it.. I just got done watching the trailer and it certainly does have some potential...

Well.. Its over.. The reign of good comic book movies is done for.. Thanks hollywood for killing my dreams.. We need this like we need a new AirBud movie...

This site is quite possibly one of the best places to go on the internet for gay robot information!!!

Here is a very interesting way to spruce up the view from your window...

Shit.. well its time for work.. Tally Ho and all that good stuff.. Be sure to check out the eclipse tonight at sunset..


Flying naked men and more.

You gotta love crazy ass fads in Japan. And here you thought negative ions werent good for anything.

Is mobile phone text messaging getting out of hand ? *Looks at message on cell phone* ""Plez send help quick, man with club chasing me on the ice flow."

Puberty at 30,000 feet in this new X-Box ad that got banned because 136 viewers dont like seeing people getting shot into graves at mach 1[Real Media File] !

And if you are looking for a good stunt team to amaze your friends at your parties that can not only do a 3 and a half flip over fire, but can also spread the word of God, dont miss these guys. These and other fun Jesus odities can be found at your local Jesus Museum.

You need your Clit Stimulator balanced and installed ?

You remember that nice old teacher in school who always had a spare pencil for you cuz you were a total loser and forgot yours all the time ?

I always wanted to read a poem with the word coccyx in it.

I miss naughty Napster Land. They had a cool logo.

And to complete this little romp, the page I use as my homepage !


I enjoy falling over and punching myself.

As I sit here in pain and cruisin for new wallpapers, I thought I would drop in and post a couple of links.

This isnt your typical cute kitty wallpaper.

And this link is for you Madrat =) The X-Box has been hacked.

And to finish up, if you want to get into some serious wallpaper, then cover your actual walls !

Okay off to watch the old Batman on TV Land and try to get some sleep.


Saturday afternoon and I stink ...

Well dear readers, it is Saturday afternoon and my body is producing a horrible odor, so I am going to jump in the shower - but first some links for you to enjoy !

I have listened to streaming radio stations via Shoutcast off and on since it began, and found some rather good ones. One in particular is WolfFM. Now if you want all the cool songs that streaming stations play, download this handy ripper plugin for WinAmp and piss off the RIAA !

And to enjoy these cool new tunes and all audio from your PC snag these speakers. I am not a big fan of Logitech products and they have seem to overrate these (like saying there is a 400w sub when its really only 188) but for the price/performance you cant help but want to step up into these THX 4.1 certified speakers. Oh and buy a set for me.

Let's face, the net is weird. Hell JonsNews is sort of a Nexus for the strange of the net, so why stop now. BEWARE OF FISHULA !

And now I will wrap up with some quick game links. The Sims Online interview. And since I got an X-Box now, I am just jizzing over everything X-Box, I just dont know if Nyko's new controllers will dry the jiz on your hands or just the sweat [pdf]. Oh and if you suck and have a PS2, they have these controllers for you too.

And I leave you with a new screenshot from the upcoming X-Box RPG: Project Ego !