The triumphiant return of Jon

Hello my tender lumplings. Its been quite awhile since I have gotten to play with you all. Did you miss me?

Work has been exceedingly crazy and my free time has been naught. I have been pretty much working and sleeping and seeing Jamie. Speaking of Jamie I proposed to her on christmas eve. So thats been the highpoint of my life since then. She is such a incredible gril. I love her so much.

I've also been having these really bad eye pains lately. They just feel like they are pressurized and going to burst. It doesn't happen just when I am at the computer or anything. Its fucking odd. I mention these because I have the most painful one I have had yet right now.

Did you guys ever watch Dharma and Greg? That show used to be so bad ass. I know its still on and crap... I just don't watch it. After I had stopped watching it I had found out about these. I allways seem to miss out on the good stuff.

My friends and I used to play a similar game to this. It helps to read the story on the left hand side.

Its been awhile since I posted any regular porn so check this out. I got some other really good PRON sites for all of you too. Consider it a late christmas present. Check out this site. Oh yeah and this one too!! Blech blech blech blech bleeeeeeeeeeeeech And here is something for all of you do it yourselfers.

This is probably in EXTREMELY bad taste to post after the recent shootings. But oh well.

This kid has a pretty good idea. I hope that one day he will have dealt with every AOL disk in the world.

I will kiss the ass of the person that buys me this shirt!!!!!!

I got a handspring visor delux (in pretty orange) for christmas. Oh god its fucking shiney. So now i am obsessing about all the stuff that i can't afford for it that I want.. Like this. Or maybe this would be nice... And then there are soooooooooo many shiney add-ons for it too. Oh god.

And to wrap this up I want to give a shout out to the person who found this by searching google for "happy shiney things" and I hope that my actually getting off my ass will inspire scott to do the same and make with the posting on his site


New post.

On its way. I promise


Happy birthday to me!

Check out how bad ass Todd McFarlane toys are! And those are fancied up prop shoots. Those are how they actually look. I have a few and they are the highest quality figures I have ever seen. The detail is amazing.

These guys are pretty creepy. The make me want to buy stuff from them. Check out their products page. They have taken the iniative in building a zero gravity car!

Its that special time of year folks. The time of year where you and your family sit around the fire and ponder about Don Mcleans "American Pie" and the meaning of god. I know I do. Its also a good time of year to share all of your special interests and hobbys with the ones that you love. Tis also the season for retarded depressing songs. Like this bullshit. And then before too long it will be new years. The time for exercising the demons in you and getting a clean start.

Cory and Scott said that its a bad thing that I was downing a bottle of jolt at 4am.

God there is pretty much shit for new stuff on the internet today. This is a pretty cool site.

Scott came over after work and brought a couple movies because I was bitching about how I was depressed and moping around on my birthday. We watched High fidelity and it was VERY VERY VERY good. I was quite impressed by it. A definate watch. I also fell asleep watching A christmas story. This is definatly my favorite christmas movie ever. Followed by The nightmare before christmas and Emmet Otters Jugband christmas. A christmas story is just fucking wonderful. I love the dialog. It brings back alot of happy feelings the same way calvin and hobbes does. I need to rent this tommorow and make my girl watch it. I love this movie sooooo much. FUCKING WATCH IT!

I am listening to some super badass tunes right now. Go on napster and download naveed by Our Lady Peace. And then get ALOT of tragically hip songs. I fucking love the hip. I have been listening to them hardcore this past week. DO IT!!!!!!!

Ooooo hidden links. Mainly cause I couldn't think of anything to write for them. http://www.wondergeeks.net/ http://www.wondergeeks.net/ http://www.aaaugh.com/dictionary/ http://www.sonic.net/~ian/Spork/spork.faq.html http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/pearls/ http://www.rumorsrumorsrumors.com/ http://www.thinhline.com/ I know. They aren't clickable links. Cut and paste. I couldn't make them links and keep them hidden..

Well I think thats it for now. Merry chirstmas and everything. Posting should resume next week. But keep a eye out. You never know.

Its friday. The end is near!

Oh god. The actually millinium is starting soon
How exciting.

I had a busy day today. I wrapped up my christmas shopping and Asked Jamies parents for their blessing to propose to her. So uhhh thats all right now. Tommorow Scott is coming over here and getting his fucking christmas present or two. HAHA He still doesn't know what It is.. HAHAHAHA
Well I am tired. Links tommorow.


Happy Humpday!

So whats up my tender lumplings?

Not much going on here in Tech land? Work. Blah. The guy I am talking to on the phone just asked me if I liked my job. And I said yes. And then he asked if I liked talking to people like him. So I had to lie.

Some people are real weirdos.

Its good to know that if you need it there is allways a 24 hour jesus superstore around.

Hurray for this kid. Ketchup is good for you. Kinda like asparagus except red. Or something.

God this is depressing and fucked up.


I am trying to fight the FF9 demons that are telling me to play it and stay up all night. Its 130 right now and I really think I should go to bed.. I am feeling physically ill from being so tired.. my eyes really hurt too..

Oh god my playstation is calling my name. I hear the sweet siren's call of final fantasy. Well I am going to go choke myself out with a pillow so that the evil game doesn't suck me in again tonight..
Ok.. maybe I will just play it for a minute..

Fucking religion
Fucking manners
Fucking have to work to get money.

And on a lighter note. Finding your starwars twin is cool. And here is some more super cool shit about Santa and NORAD.

Well thats it for tonight. Peace easy.

I'm as tired as ass.

I was up until about 6am this morning playing Final Fantasy 9 and I passed out on the recliner and then I woke up about 2 hours later with the controller in my hand so I just started playing again. I haven't slept since.

Im a very busy person . I enjoy romping around in a white cape and on special occasions , I sleep in my underwear.
What the fuck?
Riiiiiiiiiiight buddy. I got some friends in white coats with nets that you should meet.

Ok I have a fun project for all of you to to do. Go to that site and look around. And then close your eyes and think of something very funny to say about it. And then pretend that I said it and Email me or tell me how funny of a guy I am.

AHHHHH Stop it internet. Stop stop stop. Please just for a minute stop it? AHHH go to the bottom of this page. BLECH



I think I need a cool title to suffix my name with. How about Jon Gilmour "EMAHTSKCBLVDT"

Check out this sweet article about setting up a honeypot on your network to trap hackers.. MMmmmmmmmmm honey.

Speaking of Honey. I miss my sweetheart. Her computer is unplugged so we have been incommunicado the last three days. I am very sad. I miss my girl.

Scott however just made me happy by singing the entire toy r' us jingle. HAPPY!

Heres a discussion on slashdot about the most addictive games you have ever played. I certainly agree that Evercrack will draw you in...

I added two links on the left bar. One to the norad santa site. Pretty cool. And the other for my man mat's site. Check it out. Both in the daily section.

And here is a early christmas gift for you!


Getting into the christmas spirit.

Ho Ho Ho Merry christmas!

I'm all about making scott happy today ain't I?

Check this out scott:

I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid,
There's a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with.

I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid,
Cause If I did. I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid.

From bikes to trains to video games,
Its the biggest toy store there is!
I don't want to grow up, cuz if I did,
I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid.

Found the part of that that I couldn't remember on this site.

I'm also letting him come over and touch final fantasy 9 after work!!!!!
I'm the greatest!

Making with the post

Well in order to keep the scottness monster appeased and from rampaging thru the office and killing people I am making with the post. My head hurts right now. This MAY have something to do with taking about 12 of these and then putting them in a bottle of this and then shaking and drinking.

This is so fucking great. I got this and this for my birthday party yesterday. They go together so well, Kinda like lots of caffeine and EVERYONE IN THE WORLD CALLING INTO MY TECH SUPPORT CENTER TONIGHT!
I really meant to post sunday. I got up. Went to wake up Cory for the day. And he says "you wanna open up your birthday presents?" So I of course say yes. And I get those two things. Throw in FF9 and figure on just playing a few minutes. ITS THE BEST FUCKING GAME EVER! Oh god. I want to be playing it right now..

Over the next couple days I am going to be messing around with posting a little bit different way of posting. Let me know if you like it. Scott will.


Nappy poo

Well I started the design two days ago.. took a small nap for two days and now it is done. Now I need to add content to the side bars and shit. What do you all think of it? Nothing drastic. Mostly behind the scense stuff on how its all run and shiznit. I think the two side bar thing will work a little better though.

Well I just had a fucking wonderful day with my girl friend.. we didn't get much sleep and I am so incredibly tired and wore out.

I feel asleep just now. I think I will post in the morning. I am gonna sign off now..
tommorow is my birfday party too. So uh I should have something good to write about and stuff.


Buckle down kiddies

Sites going thru a redesign so hold on to your hats.
I got some ideas. I just drew it all up in my note pad that I have of all my design ideas.
Working on codeing it all now


I get home from work after trucking the whole mile across town in my tiny car. And i get home. Eat. Watch southpark and then jackass. And then I fire up my browser to get some sites to post. And then I find this.
I give up for tonight. Thats horrible. I'll post more in the morning. Blech. I'm going to drink paint thinner and eat a 2000 flushes tablet and hopefully that will help get the images out of my mind
damn you internet.


Last minute thing before I go to work.

Thinkgeek is THE place for geek presents. The caffeine section ROCKS

Ho Ho Ho!

Well since its christmas time and stuff I think its fitting that I make with posting some nice christmasy links.Its very pretty out right now.. the snow is falling. I miss jamie. But even though I miss her so much right now I am feeling very sublime. Its a good day. Its snowing. Its pretty. I'm in love. I have the best girl in the world. I have great friends. Life is really good. Even though it seems shitty.

Well on with the links. I really like this site because not only is it really cool, its a great use for all those 50,000 aol cds that I have in my living room. And of course with a tree you need some nice ornaments (scroll down towards the end on that one) too. If we still had our crappy couch with the board that stabbed into your spine then we could also do this.

And I have a couple great gift ideas for the geek in your list:
How about a piece of math themed headwear?
Every geek loves music. Its a universal constant. Get him the gift that keeps on giving. Anyone can have just a regular cd player. A geek wants one that is 50 times better.
I know I would personally love to have the angled head pliers off of this site. Multi-tools kick much ass. I would LOVE a leatherman Wave with the tool adapter.
Now if you are a geek yourself and looking for a do it yourself project for your loved geek then mayhaps this is for you.
Your geek love a big firstperson shooter fan? Well then set your specs on this shit!
Got a little geek thats into pokemon? Well then pony up and get this.
This christmas things a little tight? Then maybe this site will help you out.
Anyone that has ever touched a computer before would kill for this!
Alternative transport piques my interest.
Books and more Books. Books are great. And comic books are better. I fucking love comic books.
Gadgets are good too. Oh god shineys all over.
I would love a really good electric shaver. And this would be nice for jamie too *hint hint* because then I would be nice and not so scruffy all the time when we snuggle.
My friends and I used to have alot of fun with potatoe guns. I would love this one.
A pound of silly putty would be cool too.
Home automation would be really really sweet too. God I'm fucking lazy.

But most importantly be with the ones that you love. I would give up everything else about christmas right now just to be in my girls arms and able to give her a hug. Christmas is about being with the ones that you love and celebrating. So make it count. Make every fucking second of every day with them count. Thats what its all about.
Oh yeah. that title down below for the last post. That was my lame rip off of a nirvana lyric. So poop on you.

Hes the one who likes all our pretty sites, and he likes to go to www.jonsnews.com, and he likes to click on links, and he likes to click along. But he don't know what it means

Fuck. I don't even know what it means. I just know I have to really bust on a post because I promised i would have one up so god dammit I am going to. Even if it shows up as being posted on wednesday. Just know that I started writing it on tuesday. And isn't that a very very very long title.

So I would like to post a couple news articles to start off with. Oh look! Heres one! I watch Jackass whenever I can. Those jackasses are crazy! Oh god. The devil fish did goond for once. DIE DIE DIE satan carp!!!!!!! I hope the guy at least clubbed him a good one for me.

Old people kick ass!

I have some very sad news for you all.

Looks like all the cheetos fans are going to have a rough holiday season.

This christmas something rare and special is going to happen. Something that won't happen again for a long time. I am looking forward to it

Ok. Well that should be enough "REAL" news to allow me to keep the news in my name until the up coming year. At which time my title comes up for the webpage gods review.

Oh goodie. New insulting words. Now I have OTHER WORDS FOR FUCK!! OH IF FUCK WASN'T A WORD WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU SAY?!?!?! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! FUCK IS A WORD!!!!!! ARGH!. FUCK MS! FUCK FUCK DOT COM WHAT THE FUCK FUCK THE UK FUCK THE WORLD FUCK EVERYTHING. Now that may all seem uncalled for. But when you hear that fucking "If fuck wasn't a word what would you say" BULLSHIT day after day then you would fucking go crazy too. Thats alot of fucks. I am calm now.

I have a very sharp pain in my back. It is very very bad.

Oh yes. This is heaven. A Engrish ESSAY!!!

I WISH I could say that I got this much entertainment out of robocop. Ok. Well maybe I do.. so what?

Here is a really great How-to manual I am sure you will all love.

I love how I can just be fucking browsing the internet and BAM something installs MOTHER FUCKING COMET FUCKING CURSORS ON MY FUCKING COMPUTER WITH OUT PROMPTING ME! arggghhhhhhhhhhh It was this site. The site is very good to make fun of. But if you don't want comet cursors then don't go there.

Man I will tell you what. People will use any excuse at all to use poser to make naked woman. I mean christ there are some sick fucks on this site! Oh yeah here are two more good porn sites for you too

Well I mean thanks and all buddy. But I allready got my own list. Allthough it just pretty much contains snuggle with my girl friend, cook, and doin it..

Back in the day there used to be a site that beat the shit out of this site. It was called. www.usedpads.com God I wish that was still up. I used to have such a great time sending people to that site.

I gotta try to get at least one in every day don't I? I swear I don't look for this shit. Ok well maybe today will get you more then one.

Not only is this drag queen pathetic. sHE is FUCKING scarey. Blech

You can only go to this site if you adhere to his strict rules of: "no hacking, no swearing, and no mausterbating"


Sailor moon fans need to find a new place to hang out if they are turning to the internet for big things now I guess. Run!

HAHAHAHAHA whats better then being a red-neck into muscle cars and monster trucks. Seriously.. think about it. You head done throbbing? BEING A CROSS DRESSING RED NECK INTO MUSCLE CARS AND MONSTER TRUCKS!

If this guy rocked any more he would be able to set your head on fire with his website.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH its comics about boats! The funniest things ever!!!!!

I want to quickly profess my love for scott. Scott brings me things like this! He also has a button on his site dedicated to me. He has kicks ass at web shit. His new mouse overs amaze me. So go to his site every time you come to my site. Bam bam. Just like that. Jonsnews. Scotts site. You can pause briefly between if you would like.

Uhhhhhhhhh kevlar fetish. Uhhhhhhhhhh blech

Rate your risk. find out how likey youa re to be beaten ore stabbed or rapped or killes.

I want to have thiss guy come live with me and make me legoo shit all day.

Just a few more links before i pass out. I am very tired. Things may make less sence ssfrom here on in.

This is fucking great! MULLET!!!!!!! When hjamie and I went to kings island it was redneck day and we played spot the mullet all day. I won.

This is why i love broadband. Go download the entire internet

Oh good. I'm not going to hell for playing the sims. Good. I am going to hell for playing a warez version of it though.

Release some of that pent up word frustration'

Just a few more to go. So tired.

I wish i could hug brak. Zorak is evil. Space ghost rocks socks too

Ok. I have alot more saved for tommorw. I can't saty up anymore and mykitten is jumping on my shoulder and clawing me saying he wants to go to sleepy beddy tedy bear land. oh god i am bleeding
fuck you cat


Go go gadget internet!

YAY!!!!! after about four weeks of struggling to get the archives in a sembalance of a working order they are FIXED!!!!!

I hacked together some nice codey code that makes it all pretty and shit. Ok. Maybe its not pretty. But its workable. So go visit the archives and sort thru the mounds of shit that I have posted. I have a big suprise coming next week.
Well I am quite happy right now. I got the archives working. I got to talk to my girl because her school had a snow day. I just got out of the shower. I had some delicious sausage and gravey and biskets for breakfast (thanks to scott for the recipe!) and I am going to go do the dishes up and head out to worky work and then I shall post from there.

Oh yeah. I am also out of site titles and post titles so please send me some good ideas. Or better yet GO POST THEM IN THE MESSAGE BOARD. Noone has posted since the 9th of NOVEMBER!!!!! For mikes sake please post there and make me HAPPPY! Pull down the little "Site Navigation" menu on the left. Select "message board" and sign up and post.

Well more to come as the night withers on. Peace easy


I got to believe its getting better.

"Rock n' Soul" is an animated series about bi-racial, Siamese twins that struggle through adolescence. With ridiculously cool situations, outrageous physical gags, unconventional characters and diverse musical vibes, it is a hyper-kinetic bombardment on the senses! Targeting hip kids, aged 6 to 12, it represents animation's next level of originality!

Since I got the new layout done I want to post these other two fucking awesome banners that cory made. God I hate when he makes me banners because I have to choose one!

Oh god I kinda chuckled at this. Evercrack can suck my balls.

More updates later. I just finished the skin and wanted this post to accompany it.


Well fuck me

I don't really know what I want for the site any more. I caught some flack today for the hemmorage links on the posts. I don't know what makes a good site. What keeps you guys coming back here? What could I do to make the site better? I don't know. If you enjoy reading this site post something in the message board. Give me some ideas of where I should go with it all.
I fucking love reading scotts site. Its not huge. Its not 400038209428309 pages long.
Its from the heart and fucking great reading every time I go to it. God I fucking love your site scott.Don't change it!

Here are a few links. Not in hemmorage form

Hey. The tomb raider movie trailer is out. It looks very shiney.

Planetevercrack is up now. God as bad as that game is its fucking addictive.

Dr. Keving Warwick (the guy that implaneted the computer chip in his arm awhile ago) is going to implant a much more advanced one soon!

God nano-tech is coming along fucking fast.

This sounds like it would be a fucking blast to watch!

I think I am going to start using this program!

I love good games. Ask cory I love debating stupid things more. There are a couple really good games that appeal to me right now. Check them all out.

I am allmost 100% sure you will all apperciate this.

Well thats it for now. Do the message board and the Poll on the right and let me know what you all think...


ARGH guess what I found today?

Hmm What else do I have for all you.. My loyal fans. THIS!

This here is a pay site. But there are alot of gross pictures in the free section.

Blech And this is weird.

God I have so many fucking links to post that have been building up here. Blah blah blah blah blah Fuck me There are alot of links. Do you guys read all the links I post? Should I post less links? I wish I had more original content here. Please use the wEirdBAY thing. I put some new links there today. You guys go find cool shit and put it in there too. I have a mission for you guys. Go spread the word of jonsnews and get me some hits. I need some people to help with posting here too. If you would like to post here email me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys rock. This website is honestly one of the most successful things I have ever done in my entire life. Everytime that someone emails me about how I did something or when someone comes up to me at work and says that my post made them laugh. It really makes me feel good. I want to thank you all for sticking around. I promise I will keep pouring myself into the site and trying to make it better as long as at least one of you is still out there reading my words and chuckling at them.

I know that doesn't seem like alot but its taken me a couple hours to get all those links together. So go to them all and spread the love.

I wrote this post backwards.



After a really nice night of being pampered by my girlfriend I think I have recovered completely. I am no longer whacked out. Ok well I am still whacked out, I am just no longer sick.
I think I have my home computer pretty much back up to snuff from my format last week. My work computer still is sucking dick though.

Oh yeah. First thing I want to go over are the changes around the site that I have been making over the last week. First of all I changed the skin selector into a automatic pulldown menu. Pretty cool? And then I added a drop down menu to use to select the different sections of the website. I may move the advanced search into there too. I dunno. And I also added a entire new section onto the site. Its called wEirdBAY. Its a place for you and me to post all the crazy ebay auctions that we find as we surf. So please please please don't just leave that section sitting there. Do something there and other people will too. Or at least thats my hope for it.

Today is going to be another splurt of links. So lets get onto it.
Now I have a use for all 50000 aol cds that I have in my living room.
yeah the the "biiiig bada boom" was a cheap 5th element reference. I am the supreme being


my brain is on fire

i am very sick.
I am going to up to my girls house so that I can have someone take care of me.

Here are some links to tide you over until I am less feverish and dead
this is cool I am going to install it.
linky link
link a doodle
linky loo
lucy loo
loo loo loooooooo
I feel icky
icky poo poo

download that fucking google toolbar its god..
someone find me a video of the hell in a cell match with undertake and mick foley and email it to me please. it would make me not sick
well thats it for now. more when i can not pass out all the time...


I fucking hate the world

I just wrote a big post about being sick and being at work while i was sick because everyone else was sick...
maybe I will post when i get home if I am not throwing up...

die die die die die wisconsin
I want this woman to shut up


Stuff to make your weekend fun.

You guys know that its all about the shiney. I fucking love shiney shit.
Lets face it. The internet is the shit when it comes to shiney stuff. Sites with cool little games are top notch shiney.

Take for example netbaby. Not only is is content shiney. Its fucking layout and graphic shineyness is off the shineyscale. I love the graphics like this. That style makes me want to poop myself.

You could also go to the abuse-a-tron and get some nice abuse for yourself. Or you could go here and abuse someone else.

Maybe you just have some strange stirrings or unexplained things going on in your life.. If so you may be possed by a demon.

Still not really un-bored-ified yet?? Well maybe some arts and crafts will get you out of that funk. Maybe you need a sport to play. I don't know what else I have for you that could help. Maybe you could play a little joke on someone, buy yourself a new toy, see what people are searching the internet for, look at porn?
I don't know. I'm out of ideas. Oh wait!! One last idea. Go sign up for some free stuff!!!

I would also like to say malkovich malkovich my malkovich

Well thats it for now my tender lumplings. Take care and chill.. till the next episode.

Fuck that. I just thought of a couple more things I wanted to post.
I wanted to let you all know that I am going to stop hating goths and I am going to start hateing the fucking kandy kids. Sorry for all that misplaced hate all you goth people..

Here is a link.
Here are instructions to be weirded out by the link:
Step 1: click on a paw
Step 2: click on a picture of a ultra cute puppy or kitten.
Step 3: be weirded out.

And guess what the last fucking site in my browser was?
I hate you *shakes fist at furry gods*


Reasons I love Scott

I can't even go into all the reasons (some are illegal in 48 states).
But one is the jons button on his site. It makes me happys.
Two is his stunning wit. Witness this conversation between us this morning:

Jonathan says:
i kinda want to go back to school.. I want to teach
mawd says:
oh god!!!! you teaching
Jonathan says:
I want to corrupt the minds of our young
Jonathan says:
mawd says:
you think you can get through a day with out furry creeping in???
mawd says:
that was great
Jonathan says:
hahahahhh well as long as i started off my day with it..
mawd says:
hey, i got it
mawd says:
why not become a school mascot???
Jonathan says:

He is a genius. Perhaps even a savant. He rocks socks so go visit his site alot! He also sends me crazy ebay auctions all the time like this one

So ya want some links too? Well here is one of the most disturbing news articles I have read in a long time. And here Is a great article by Dave Barry (yes THE Dave Barry) on the playstation two. And here is a little carlin goodness to set your day off right. I'm not sure exactly why you would want to do this. But the hawii five oh theme playing in the background REALLY drives the point home.
And to finish it all off nicely with this little cherry to go on top... Your CHRISTMAS LINK OF THE DAY OR WEEK OR UNTIL I POST ANOTHER



God I hate formats.
I hate anything changing.
I want everything to stay the same until it is planned out that it should change. And then the plan for it to change has to go off without a hitch.
I hate plans not working out. I love when a plan comes together.
I fucking HATE formats.
I allways feel like I am forgetting to back something up. I allways do forget.
God damn it I fucking LOATH formats
I have to format at home soon. They are formatting my baby at work.
Oh well I got my shit backed up. I think.
All my important work notes and shit at least.
I hate formats.


Internet, you make me want to walk like a camel

I love the internet. Where else could I find shit like this? I am so serious that I stumble across all of this stuff I find. I have about 30 sites that I go to daily and then from there I follow links and if that site doesn't have anything good then I find a link off there to some other site and follow until I find something crazy.
Sometimes I hit paydirt right off the bat. Like today. One of my first destionations is www.portalofevil.com I usually just check out the last three days worth of links. And then right away this. BAM my day starts with furry.
I didn't go anywhere looking for it. It just finds me. I swear. I cannot get the furry out of my life. Its scarey folks. I don't post all the furry links because I like them. I post it hopeing that the furry-demons get out of my head.

And shit like this. I don't go looking for it. It just finds me. I am a weird magnet. My life is made so weird weird weird weird(scroll down on that one folks.) by the fucking internet. I am afraid to wake up some days. Becuase I know after about two clicks of my mouse some page will find me and is going to effect my entire day.
I think maybe I am cursed. I'm not gay. I'm not into furries. I am a straight 20 year old male with a wonderful relationship with a terribly hot female that isn't into scat or dressing up like a fucking chicken or anything weird. I'm so fucking vanilla its sad. But then I get on a computer and weird surrounds me. I get to work and spout out urls like "go here guys" or "check this out scott"
Ok maybe sometimes I go looking for it a little. I just wanted you all to know that if you go to google and seach for goatse this page is the second fucking hit!!

Well Thats it for right now. I am going to sign off and head to worky work. Maybe make a post there. We will see. But enjoy those links for now and know that I have a folder on my desktop right now with about 408 more urls in it to post and its growing every fucking time I sit at a computer.

Come on and dig me. Cause I'm the fly pigmy

I have some ideas for orginal content that I am going to be working on over the next couple days. I don't know. Its gonna come second to posting though.
So i'm tired right now. Long post first thing in the morning. I swear!


we have the technology? god no! the technology has US!

I'm odd today. The whole world is off its rocker. I didn't get to post last night like I wanted to because blogger crashed and lost my post and that made me have to go play icewind dale. I'm really sorry for the lack of posting lately. Its been a busy week. I assure you that posting will resume to above par next week (after my training is done). But when I don't get to post alot I get TONS of urls built up. So this will be mostly a hemmorage post. But bear in mind these first couple featured links:

The thin H line is the most fucked up comic. EVER. Its.. Odd.. Go read it alot.
This movie is so fucking funny. Its pretty big though.
Go check out these violent midgets!
Check out the 10 worst video games ever. How many have you played?

So for now I will just toss some up fresh links for you all to feast on. Jonsnews just want to say word up to my good friend hootie who is out of commission right now with a dead power fan.
Go to all the links. I wouldn't drag and drop a URL that wasn't shit.
Peace easy.
Oh yeah I am also working on some really cool stuff for the site too. So keep a eye on that too.


I just want to shout out to my good friend
HOOTIE. You should all go to hooties website. Hootie is gonna hate me more then he allready does. HEHE


Yeah straight from the top of my dome. As I rock rock rock a microphone

HAHAHAHHAHA someone found my site thru altavista by searching for THIS!!!

I got alot of weird links for you guys today. Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday. The frontend webpage that I use to post was down.. Anyways.

I love how in our society we are completely sue-crazy I mean sure some deserve it. But sometimes its insane. Speaking of insane, since I am in a pretty whacky mood I think I am going to post the absolute wackyiest links that I have been saving up.

First of all we have dog diapers. Let me repeate that DOG FUCKING DIAPERS! Go there. Watch the video.

AHHHH this guy is scarier then Sweettooth on those twister metal commercials. This guy IS the reason for sites like this.

Uhhhhh riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhttt.

Oh god I think I just bought and uhhh oh god. I don't even know.

This guy needs a hobby. I mean really really needs a fucking hobby. Why do people allways have to ruin my childhood things??


I guess these guys were the epitomy of weird. So fucked up. I remember when this happened and how surreal it all seems looking back at it now..

This was a little more interesting then it was weird. But still weird.

Personally I think this sounds better then popcorn to go along with a nice movie in the theater. Allmost as fucking nuts as the packaged pickels they sell here at the movies. PACKED WITH JUICE!!!

Man I hope Joelseph is enjoying his cable modem. While I'm thinking of joel here is a site for him.

Riiiiiiiight.. Stoner chicks. Yeah they are hot. Hot like a fucking furry (Honestly folks I sooooooo don't have a furry thing. I promise). Oh yeah and this is the guy that made all those crazy Jetson porn cartoons and stuff. Hes odd.

OH JOY! 70s porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And a nice little pyramid scheme that will make you all happy.

You think alot of people find this site on search engines?

Well thats it for now. I will try to squeeze off another post before I leave for my girls after work. I will try to keep up the posts even with the holidays


Woah. A sunday post.

Right. Sometimes I find myself just staring at the screen in wonderment at the sheer..... I don't even know how to explain it. It's sites like this. Why?
It all makes my head hurt. I guess its just furryism taken too far. Honestly it is one of the weirdest sites I have ever seen. Ever. And this site still has me shaking my head. ARGHHH I can't comprehend what would make someone make this site. The head is a definate click on this one. SWEETBREADS!! MOO! So is mankind doomed or what? I mean with people like these running around out on the streets. The world is full of the weird people. Its all good though. Because then you have the flip side of the coin. You have the terminally cool people. The people that kick so much ass that you get bruises 4 miles away.

Well this is the list that makes me and many other people decide what they want for christmas. I wait for this list every year!! I WANT! And speaking of my christmas list. Here it is for this year. All the overly expensive stuff that I want in the world!


New shiney toy

On the link bar to the right left is a link under the site navigation that says "submit a link" go click on it and submit your cool links for everyone to see. Also please please please post stuff in the message board too.

I'm sick *BLARGH*

Blech. I ate a habenaro (sp?) pepper today and the heat wasn't too bad (they are the hottest pepper in the world) but soon afterwards my stomach decided that Belly and Mr.Pepper didn't like each other. So Belly kicked Mr. Pepper's ass right out the door that he came in, along with his friends Professor Sammich, Mrs Orangjuice, and Senor Burrito. Not too long after that Belly and Dr. Pooper got talking and Belly got Dr. Pooper all riled up and Dr. Pooper kicked the Feces twins (who had been visiting Belly not long before) right out the back door.
So no update tonight. Belly and I are going to bed now, hes angry and not talking to me. Belly needs his rest...

Oh yeah I noticed alot of people are getting here from searching altavista for Mr. Winkles. Well you won't find him but you will find plenty of other good stuff. But you WILL find me repeating the word WINKLE 23 times right now. WINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLE WINKLE WINKLE
Ok Thats enough. WOah I'm tired and sick. I should also mention that something is broken with the archives. Don't go to them. I will work on fixing them soon.

night night. Belly says "goodnight internet"



I'm thinking of adding a expanded links page to the site. I dunno. I updated the poll thingy. like 15 people voted allready. That put a big grin on my face. Now if I could only get all of you to make some noise in the message board my life would be allmost complete. I updated it and made some changed. I think I also fixed it so that you don't even have to be registered to use it. So go write alot of stuff in there. Rock!

And man its sooooooo snowing here. I fucking love winter. I am so happy its snowing. Snow just means more having to stay inside and snuggling with my girl to stay warm. Darn!

I just saw this on usr/bin/girl and figured I would post it because its all 50% off and I fucking love sales.

I am really really amazed that a subliminal message tape can make my wang bigger. But I guess I would try anything. And I guess if I was going to get any kind of enlargment process done I would definatly BARGIN SHOP. Why pay more for enormous ta-tas when you can get a below market negotiated price on your boobjob. I have a strong feeling that most of the doctors are much like that doctor on the simpsons. I hate some people.

Here is a site if you ever wanted to know about your favorite heavy metal singers size of his junk.

Erotic stories are pretty cool. Here are two sites for them. Here is one that is a bit odd.

And here are two sites that I found interesting.

Lets see what else I have here in my sex urls folder. Oh a couple funnyish sites for you. The cyrano server will hook you up if you are too shy to write a nice lovely letter yourself. I guess if you are a bigtime do it yourselfer then this is for you. Seems like quite a big project to me though.
Are you looking to go cruising? Don't want to do it alone? Don't have any friends to ask? Then this site is for you!
This is probably one of the weirdest fetishes I have ever seen, well second to this. Ok maybe its not the WEIRDEST, but its close.. Weird weird weird. And here is a site to get you allready for your next trip to Thailand. Now I would soooo buy into this crazy ass ISP.. This is worse then Pokemon sex, because at least pokemon is cool. Blech of the day folks. Definate blech of the day.

Well its allmost work time. I think I am going to do alot of my christmas shopping online this year. I plan on sending alot of christmas cards online too now.


Shiney things

Shiney things are my favorite things. I could just play with a ball of tinfoil for like hours on end. I love love love shiney things. I love the interweb because of the sheer volume of shiney shit that is all over it. Take of example some of the cool ass games I have found. Exploding sheep is really fun once you figure out that the instructions that they give you don't work. The reflex tester is way addictive. If you beat my score let me know! And here is another game called reflex that is super fucking shiney! And here are a couple cool java games over here too. Scott my good buddy has some good javagames over on his site too. But don't go there until he gets fucking moon lander. I WANT MOONLANDER SCOTT!!!

Oh god. This is a online photoshop for the shineyly challanged. With music too. Hours of fun!

And then check out this kinda cool avatar chat thing. Pretty cool considering it is all flash. And sissyfight is pretty fun as well.

OOOOOOooo A lite bright online. I made a Jonsnews logo with it. So its pretty cool and stuff.

And these pickup lines are the shit! So are anagrams.

A couple last cool things are the movie cliche page.

I love illusions. A good optical illusion makes me giggly.

Everyone knows the stories. Go read some urban legends.

Bottle mail is pretty cool. It takes the old concept of tossing a note in a bottle into the sea into the information age.

I don't have to go into work until 3 tommorow so more post tommorow.

*updated at 0200 by Jon*
My buddy Scott issued me a challange on his site with the reflex tester. I came thru in true style.

Site stuff and posty stuff and stuff

Site stuff first. Cory made a new banner and it fucking kicks the most ass. Its updated on all the skins. I also switched the banner over to vectorstar instead of my old geocities space because I noticed it lagged a little on the load sometimes. The awesome guys at vectorstar swapped drives the other day too so that crazy stop during the load seems to be gone now too. I just noticed the archives link on the left was broken too. So thats fixed. As far as I can tell everything is working perfect. Make sure to email me if you see anything broken.

Now the big news for today FUCKING SODAPLAY WAY UPDATED THEIR SHIT!!!!!
Sweet god now you can save your models and you can also email them to people. There are alot of cool models allready saved check out these:
The yoyo - fucking stunning.
Trampoline - simple but cool.
Internal engine - wow. shiney!
Snowmanguy - CUTE!!!!!!!!!

More to come when I get to work.

Well HELLO All !

This is soooo odd that I am making a post. I have normally been just a behind the scenes guy here at JonsNews. You know doing all the shit work like helping Jon with HTML, and hex-codes and keeping the FBI, CIA, DEA and various other govermental agencies off of Jons back so he can keep rattling out these crazy posts.

The reason I am posting is simply this, I work with both Jon and Scott and would just like to let everyone know that while Jon was away on his day off, someone (who shall remain nameless) printed out a full size, full color picture that Scott made of Jon and hung it up in the office. Everyone had a good laugh. So once again, for the sake of humanity, everyone run on over to Scott's site and check out this picture.

Well kiddies, I am off to Florida to settle this whole Election thing.

Signing off for now, but not forever -



Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig post

Scott. I totally understand about putting the picture up of me on YOUR SITE. All is fair. I got a really good laugh out of it and a good time was had by all. Scott rocks!

Ok well I plan on catching up and emptying out my entire URL folder so buckle down for a big one ladies and gents.

As much as I hate goths this site rocks. Because amihotornot sucks more then goths. This is the ultimate suck-i-tude.

I have a couple cool cartoon sites for you guys. ThinHline is fucked up. I mean seriously fucked. Pokey the penguin is once again up. Now my life can return to normal! I so love pokey. Read them all! Inktank is a seriously good geeky comic. So is sinfest it deserves a look too. This is a comic. Thats all I can say about it really. Here are some pretty cool poser comics. Poser is cool. My best friend cory used to make alot of really cool poser and bryce pictures. I love redmeat. Check out the make your own redmeat site. This kind of appeals to me. I love x-men.. but this is a little blasphemous.

ZUG proudly claims that they are the webs only comedy site. They have some really great and original content. I love reading zug. Go read zug. And say the word zug alot too because its fun.

Cory and I spent a fucking hour at this page the other night screaming out names of all the GI Joe shit we used to have. Very cool site. I used to have all these cards too. They were so fucking cool

This doesn't relate to anything. But I have had popeyes chicken before and it is godlike. Very spicey

Don't click here.

Woah! This site is pretty shiney.

Cory sent me this site quite some time ago. I love mythlogy. It makes me happy. Here is another cory link that I couldn't find a place it really fit it. But it kicks ass so its going in now.

Neuromancer is definatly one of my top 5 favorite books ever. Go here to read it for free if you are too cheap to pay the like $1.25 for it on half.com

If you are on broandband then this site is for you. GO GO GO

These guys are crazy! It looks like such a fucking fun wrestling promotion to go see.

Anyone can make good art. Really good bad art is hard to come by though!

Sweet god there are still so many sites to go thru! ack! Back to work self *snaps whip*

I posted the number for the duck voicemail. I had no idea they fucking spent this much money on it. Oh god. I call it over and over and over now that I know this.

Stuck in your life? Don't know what to do? Ask a ninja!

I'm sorry I have to break the news. But.

And since I have sucked at it I figure I owe you all a couple BLECHS OF THE DAYS PAST! BLECH!

Well thats it for now. Go have a party! Go read about some nice firm wet boobies

Engrish for you

Oh god I got reminded this morning how much I like engrish.
Stuff like this:


Go here for some really really really great funny stuff.


*note I posted this last night and it was really funny but stuff crashed so now I am posting it again and its less funny*

Oh god. Scott is so going to kill me, but the irony of this all can't escape, I just feel that I have to share with you all. Scott posted the other day on his site about how he is becoming a Red-neck. Then last night I find this page And for the love of god don't go to this link. I just want to say HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god Scott you are so going to kill me!! But man Scott. I tell you what. If you did this to your truck you would so not be a red-neck anymore. (hopefully that last link and linking to his page a bunch of times will make up for the insinuation that I made with the first link.) Though this could potential make you more redneck. Keep a eye on his page to see whats up. Scotts site makes me happy.


Bad news.

I have two pieces of very bad news for all of you. Please read this and this. Do it for little Timmy

I just wanted to say "I'm sorry"

Ok everywhere that I go I hear it. At least once a day someone asks me. And I have been living a lie. I should have told all of my friends and family sooner. Its very hard for me to admit to this. Ok... here it goes. I let the dogs out.

I am trying to get them all back. I promise.
I'm sorry for letting the dogs out. Just please stop asking everyone about it now that we all know it was me.


Hey there hi there ho there

I'm working on rewriting that huge post so to tide you over I am gonna get some links up homey!

Since there is no such thing as enough good ideas here is a site to get some fresh ideas. Here is another. And here you can find out strange uses for normal household items.

Sweet god there are alot of people in the US. Its cool because you can refresh it and see the number raise.

Your Pokéname is Humnerd. You live in the blazing deserts of Libya, and your diet consists mostly of wolves, garbage and wine. I can breathe fire. I can throw nunchucks. I can shoot lightning. My natural enemy is Squirtle. You can go here to find out your pokéname!

Last night I had to clean the crap out of a keyboard here at work (thanks Scott!). And I remembered how much I really used to enjoy taking things apart and finding out how things worked.

Formen.ign.com is pretty tight. I have alot of respect for a good DJ.

I wish I had known about this site a few years ago when I used to be a very very very very bad kid.

Sometimes you just have had enough and need to tell your boss how it is. Terry Funk can help.

Wow a crazy that has some good ideas!

I have been reading this site for awhile and it is definatly going up as a link on the left.

Cory sends me alot of links. He sent me this site quite some time ago and its got alot of good stuff on it. BUT its in spanish. But click random links till you get to the videos.

I want one of these plaques for my desk at home.



If you are running windows and want to have the fucking shineyest thing in the fucking world on your computer get MSN explorer!!!!!!! Hold swee fucking baby jesus its shiney and neat and awesome and oh god..


Still no president eh?

I would rather this guy be president then either of the two canidates. I warped the canidates to the point that I would actually vote for them if they looked like the did when I got done with them. God this whole election has been a huge fucking boner. On a related note I think "howdy" is going to be my informal greeting from now on.

I must say. Since day one I have disliked Mahir. He is redesigning his page. Dear god it makes me want to rerout my urethra thru my nose. I honestly feel in my soul that Mahir had a hand in this page. I nominate that page for the "most likely to make you want to pierce your brain with a fountain pen" catagory

WOOOHOOO its a fucking party. Why in sweet fucks name does the cat speak ghetto? But it can't be a party if your lonely can it? Sites like these make me pray for armageddon. And hey. Lets see if we can start working towards getting fucking midis and shitty java off the internet eh?

There are some things I want to mess around with for my site.. I want to add more static links to the left.. I dunno.

This is so seriously shitty when compared to the greatness that is explodingdog.

For quite some time I have been saying that I need more ways to be mean and abusive. Finally I have found the answer. I guess I COULD learn something useful as far as languages go. NAHHHHH

Since I fucking REMEMBER THE 80's (fuck you guys) I figured I would have to post this. And this!
I'm going to install the MSN explorer now. Hopefully it will all go well!


Red alert 2

Ye gods. I just beat the GDI disk in RA2 and it is such a fucking AWESOME game!!!!!!!!
I am going to play the Commies now. And then I will post from werk cause I am doing customer service tonight which is slower then shit



HAHAHAHAHHA oh god I allways wondered why I was such a commie.

Getting all up in your area.

Uhhh the title really has no relation to the rest of the post. Or it might. I don't know. Let me know if you feel that I am getting up in you area. If I am I am terribly sorry about it.

Ok. I usually don't post jokes here, but this one is extremely disturbing and funny to make it better for those of you that don't want me to post jokes I'll throw some links in there too.

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at
her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to
ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as
old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and
see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive"
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the
road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out. "My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

Man that joke was tasteless.

And since I don't post any "news" here is a tidbit from the political front:
The two major party presidential candidates today agreed that Americans
are seeing too much inapproriate material in popular entertainment.
However, they disagreed on the details.
The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there is too
much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al
Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated meanwhile that the media present
Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity.
In other words, Bush says there is too much gore and Gore says there
is too much bush.

(That is made up by the way)

I think i finally decided how I am going to vote (If it wasn't too late).

Lets see. I have alot of great links. Way to many to get everything posted. Lets see. Where to start.

How about the weird links? I've allways been a huge conspiracy fan. I love reading crazy shit about the illumanati and shit. And UFOs rock! Crop circles and cow mutilations are my shit. But some people are retards. If you want interesting reading to do some research on Bob Lazar. There are tons of good places to get information on all this shit. And crazy science is cool too, thought like I have mentioned alot stupid people allways bungle it up. My friend Scott puts it better "never underestimate the power of large groups of stupid people"

If you work, or you are reading this at work then you will apperciate this page.
Well thats it for now. More to come.


Major Tom to ground control

You know. The guys at work made a astute observation tonight at work.. This site is jonsnews. But I never really post "NEWS". Should I have called it jonslinks?

Hey. This is one of my favorite sites ever. I love his drawings.

God I used to love getting my ASS catalogs in the mail. I need to sign up for more again. I allways wanted to be a mad scientist when I was a little tyke.

Yeah. This was the biggest shock of my day. Honestly.

I want this shirt for christmas!!!!!

Fire good! Fire spewing robots better!

A reason or two to like the imac just a eeny teeny bit more!

Jesus. Did I miss something? When did it become fashionable to be a geek? These guys are cool ass geeks though.

Oh god so many buttons it MUST make playing first person shooters better! It has to! And if your not a gamer, but you know one then knowing their language is a good thing.

God I loved the nintendo. I still do. 8-bit is where its at baby.

This game is so great. I love that every review of it has "BUY THIS GAME" as the first sentance.

Guile was the best character in Street fighter. Well second only to Chun-li

I REALLY REALLY REALLY wished I had pre-ordered a couple of ps2s. Like three or so...

Man this game is really hard but pretty fun.. Its mega addictive!

Well I am tired. Now that I got the page looking like I wanted I can focus on content again. Please tell everyone you know that you think would like the page. I am still looking for someone who can post along with me on the site to. If you are interested then let me know.


Oh god this is pretty sweet. The switchover to skinablity is done. I am cranking out a few skins to choose from. Scott, you may be interested in the simple one because you can never seem to be able to fully read all the links when i do a few layout.

To select a skin just choose one from the list over to the right. I am looking into using cookies or something to make it so that it remembers what skin you allready picked.

I'm no design expert so if you think they suck email me on how to make them better, or ideas for new skins. I am going to experiment with changing the actual layout with skins when I get home.


Its monday morning. I allmost have all the skin stuff done. If i can wrap it all up before work then posting will resume to normal..

God this is cool.


Good morning

Wow. I am getting all the skin stuff done rather rapidly and I have some really cool ideas for it.

Taco the wonder dog has the best page ever!

The whole voting thing is coming up soon. Why bother? The electoral college is going to make your decision for you. I guess maybe its nice to at least think for a second that you have even the slightest fucking say about things in your life. You don't. What happens happens. Just grin and bear it and say"yes sir your a good president", "Yes sir I love my job", "Yes sir I think its terrific if you run over my foot".
Both canidates suck and there is no hope of Nader getting shit.
Bush sucks. He is a idiot. He cannot talk. He has nothing good to say. He's his dads puppet. He wouldn't be the first talking monkey elected.

Gore sucks. Liberman is a asshole. Hes a idiot as well. I disagree with everything he says. Gores a fucking choad.

If you are going to vote for one of the two main parties here is a good way to choose.

Vote independent. For towards helping to make a change in the system. Even better learn how to effectivly trade your vote.

Why not just vote for pure evil. Its what we are going to get anyways.


Wow. Last night I got caught up doing some really exciting things for the page. I just have one word for you all "SKINABLE"
awwwwwwwwwwww yeah
Its going to be soooooooooo cool. I should have everything implemented by the middle of next week.

I also fixed the windows popping up in a new window thing. I'll post a real content poste in a bit.. Peace.


Hello again from the depths of eternity. It has been one long ass time since I put anything up here and I figured the least I could do is place some delicious links here. Ready?

Whee! I have been very sick of late and I although I am not vomiting and feverish any more I am still sore all over and I'm not feeling up to working yet so I just got the ok to go back in on Monday Night which seems like the perfect amount of days to recuperate. Ahhh some more nights of rest and days of preparing for the nocturnal existance that will get me through the winter and probably wind me up with enough money to go on a trip in the spring! Coming soon to a town near you: B Bnib! maybe. For now I am wondering what I should eat. I think I caught this flu from a girl I met at a halloween party. Oh the price we pay for a bit of fun sometimes. Although if I had had my wits about me as much as I should've I would have been sure to get her phone number from her! d'oh! Our paths have crossed more than once before. Maybe I'll see her again this weekend...one can only hope.

Happy friday!

Well everything seems to be working wonderful with the new server..
So now it is time to get back on task with the posting and quite my fucking slacking. I do have a couple projects I will be poking at the next couple weeks. I now have CGI access so a new message board is to be coming and some pretty nifty shit with the site. So keep tuning in..

Even though its getting to be fall its the perfect time to throw a nice little block party. I know I am planning to. And whats a block party with out whacky people like these??

Man. Some people buy some weird stuff. Adn who in their right mind are searching for some of this crap?

Well I think its been awhile so this part of my post is going to be a quick hemmorage chunk so that you all will have some good links to go to tommorow and I can get to bed because its a bit late. So this is quite a bit of words and each one of these is a seperate link so click them all. There is crap and good all mixed together. You never know what you will get at crazy jon's discount mega quickies. Oh yeah every single letter in the last four words are links.