Celebrity Info

Hello everyone got some pretty bad news out there for all the Pee-Wee Herman fans. Apparently Paul has been caught with some child pornography and is going to get his playhouse searched. I think I know too much about this mans sex life.

Pop legend Michael Jackson "darkened" his skin for his 30th Anniversary concert aired on CBS. It seems that Michael realized just how contrasting he was compared to his brothers and had his skin digitally darkened to appear more black. In a related story, Microsoft is planning to release the George Hamilton Digital Tanner XP later this month.

How do i love the, DAoC....

Ok. there i was, sitting in Mularn last night, talking with Leirch, and Vandunn when all of a sudden, i thought to myself "you know, i need to find a way to make some serious coin".

i think a big reason for this was because Leirch decided that he needed a new axe so he can look like even more of a big badass or something, so he mooched 64silver off of me.

so how can i make up for this loss? where else? Ebay!

i remembered back in the days of Ultima Online that people were selling stuff from the game for real cash. So, here is the search results i got for looking up "daoc"

For those of you who are in (and know what pellinor is) here is some links you may be interested in.

well, thats it from me, i am going to get back to my trade skills. i have already made "Junior Apprentice Tailor" and need to work on my Armorsmithing.


I think this would be the ultimate fucking christmas present.. I remember doing this with play-doh as a child.. I want the sphagetti one!!!!!!!!

So.. Girl and I are getting getting ready to clean and put up our christmas tree.. This will be our first christmas married.. Things are starting to even out a little and bit by bit we are getting our feet on the ground.. Hopefully all goes well and I get the assistant manager spot at work...

so.. Off to download christmas music and clean and put up decorations..

Oh listen Tender Lumplings let me take you by the hands.
I'll take you from this hell-hole to the Promised Land.
But don't blame me, oh children, if those promises don't keep.
'Cause promises like lives, can be bought so very cheap.

Oingo boingo is such a bad assed dark and creepy band.. But.. they also did alot of 80s rock too.. But they rock nonetheless...

I know that my good man Joel can play a mean guitar.. So here is a site for him for some bad assed Nintendo guitar tabs...

Now.. Don't get me wrong.. I FUCKING HATE Kid Rock.. And I guess by posting this site I in essence show how related to Vanilla Ice he is.. Therefore suggesting that if kid rock had even a iota of the miniscule talent that the Ice man had it would be a improvement..

Marilyn Manson says that his new alblum will "make people want to have sex"... You mean his old ones didn't? I know I can't listen to smells like children to this day without fucking something....

Yesterday I finally got my computer working and i am finally getting to sit down and write up a post.. and right away.. Like 5 links into it.. I find this.. todays BLECH OF THE DAY!!! Definatly with a look.. The page is entitled "Steps for Sheath Cleaning"... Go on.. you know you want to at least see what its about...

Our next site is entitled: Lifes a twitch.. This guy is like the tony robinson of Tourettes...

I'm gonna toss this link out there as a reminder to cory of the days back in the duplex.. Ahh.. Hidden butter...

I'm having a hard time deciding which site is worse.. Ballscan or NobScan.. Ballscan seems to be having some difficulty right now though...

Last week I watched the Iron Giant.. Holy shit I am in love with that movie.. I have been watching tons of movies since my computer died.. I have to say pootie tang wasn't a complete dissappointment..

AAAAAAAHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh WHo would want this!?!?!?!?

Play the game I can only discribe as the greatest Korean Ass Shooting game EVER MADE OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!

Now why is it that sites like THIS don't come up higher on google searches for Pony Girls then my site???

Not "cool" enough to be in a real band.. Then let RockStarter help you out!

This is allmost as great as the Butt-candle!!!! CHECK OUT BUTT ICE!!!!!!

OOOOOOOoooooooo a new fun fAnimutation called Yatta.. We don't eat QQQQQQSSSSSS

Think you know your TV?? Then go play NAME THAT THEME!!!

This is the one thing in the whole world you need if you really wanna be bad..

Good thing they weren't busy getting this started when I was a wee tyke..

I think this would be the fucking ultimate tech support job!!!!!!!!!!

Its good to know that there are indeed ways to keep your nipples erect all the time!

It makes me feel good to know that if you ever want to go to a website and see movies of someone shooting the fuck all out of a lawn mower and blowing it up.. you can...

And I don't know if I have posted this site before or not.. but it not then consider me one less blech of the day in the whole for all the non-post days lately..

Can someone out there tell me what this is all about??

Main Entry: dic·tio·nar·a·o·ke.org
Pronunciation: 'dik-sh&-"ner-A-O-ke dOt-Org
Definition: This site features parodies of popular songs using karaoke-style backing music with vocals provided by audio pronunciation samples from online dictionaries.

Definatly some very fun stuff here.. Well worth some time wasted.. Be sure to check out such classics as Queens Bohemian rhapsody, Nine INch Nails "Closer"(radio edit), John Lee Hookers "Boom boom boom" and Blitzkrieg Pop

I think this is one of my favorit error 404 messages ever...

I remember my uncle showing me the wonder that were hidden in a land o lakes butter box when I was a little kid.. and I remember just a shorwhile ago showing girl the greatness that can come from folding a butter box. and now I found a site about it.. so be sure to check out how to find boobies in your butter... You could also let Mr. T show you...

This is some whack ass shit.. My favorit is the portrait of lewis carroll.. Check them all out thoug.. crazy shit..

Oh shit.. I found this site soooo long ago.. Its fucking great...


I don't think I could live on frosting and Peanut butter for a week.. Nor do I think I could spend two entire days in home depot.. Best buy.. MAAYBe.. ..

Ok.. well thats a mighty big update for me.. More later.. Buh bye now..

PS.. I need another poster.. ANyone out there reading this that would be interested in posting on this site?? email me at jonsnews@vectorstar.net


Return of the mack

I fixeded my computer...


Man, I have found a new reason to hate IGN.com

I was messing around and went to the GameCube message board. IGN had said that the gamecube had sold out of all 700,000 units which is bunk!

The stores around here still have them if you look, and of coarse if you still have units in the store, then its not sold out now is it?

Anyway, I put up a post saying that the systems didn't sell out, and in less than 2 minutes i had 7 replies, all of them from 5 year olds i assume, telling me that i was a big dumb stupid head. (or something to that effect) one morron actually said that if you sell 90-95% then that should be considered a sell out. NOT!!!!!

But what is really funny is that the post was removed in less than 5 minutes. Thinking this was odd, i posted again, and since they had bitched about one of my favorite gaming mags EGM being immature or something because they put a picture of mario and luigi holding each other while skipping. and i said that they was real mature for taking my post down.

that one was down in about 4 minutes also. i wonder if we were to go to each post, and start bitching about how the gamecube didn't sellout, if i could systematically have every single post removed from the board. mwhaa-haaa-haaaa

My God I need to see a new Post.

Ahhh there, thats better. = )


Lord dookie is one bad assed motor scooter

SO.. that starwars porn I posted about awhile ago.. It looks like they are coming along ways with it...

Pong.. Its not just a game..

"last night" by the strokes is a really great song.. go download it..

Ok.. well its work time.,. I just got my computer reworking this morning.. Thats why the lack of posts from me.. but between scott and cory they have been helping to keep it up.. I will try to do one later tonight...

All Hail the X-box, er... I mean the GameCube...

Just a funny bit o' information.

I was just at the local Wal-mart to pick up my copy of Dark Ages of Camelot, when I realized that the GameCube was released tonight.

On the door going into the store was a sign that said something like, "Nintendo GameCube will be for sale at 12:01am Nov. 18th. Line up in Layaway".

I thought ok, lets see the crazy people.

When I got to layaway, there were no crazy people. No one!

After I grabed my game, I stopped and asked if they still had any, and one lady looked at me and said, "Yup, how many do you want? We have 26 of them"

This was after 1am. the x-box sold out there in about 20 minutes.

I bet if I go tomorow after noon, there will still be some GameCubes there. Just thought that was funny. But I will say one thing, Star Wars Rogue Squadron II looked incredible!

I will definatly have to get me one, one of these days.

now, i'm off to play DAOC. later!


Episode 2

The latest trailor is out "Forbidden Love" for Episode 2. It appears the dark figure with the red light saber is played by Christopher Lee one of the creepiest people to ever wear the dracula cape. His character's name is Count Dooku/Darth Tyranus. Count Dooku. Hmmm not very scarey, but then again he can do that thing with his eyes that makes me shit my pants and wet my bed for 3 nights straight.

And it also appears that Queen Amidala is now a Senator and that Jedi's arent allowed to love. It also appears Bobba Fett has a big hard-on for killing Obi Won. Head over and check it out. Oh but be sure you have Quicktime 5 Pro or you cant watch it. Damn Quicktime losers.

IMDB is also listing James Earl Jones as being cast as Darth Vader's voice for Epidsode 3 already ! YES !!!


Damn You Stewie!

so its official. the xbox has been released. is it the worlds best console? some say yes. some say no.

if i was having this conversation at work, i would be stoned just for even mentioning the Game Cube in the same sentance as Xbox. but, aparently the people who read www.ign.com have a different thought.

see for yourself:

i know that i am going to hear ir for this one, but i still want a Game Cube.

I'm talking bout sex supreme.. We likes to cream.. Jeans...

Have you ever been worked on by two guys are are hot for your snatch???

ANyway.. I found another great site making fum of lusers from a tech support persons POV.. So all you techies check it out.. I know I can relate to alot of the stories in there...

I had posted this slot car game a long while ago.. I found a new one that I think is a little better.. though I liked the controllers on the old one..

Ok.. I am going to try to post a long one tonight.. Girl will be gone all night.. I am also planning on grabbing Planet of the apes tonight as well.. and maybe the grinch...


Rocket Sauce!!!

Mother fucking rocket sauces is what I am talking about!!!

Here is the site to download all the tenacious d movies there are out there.. Check out the Conan O'brian Performance of Wonderboy and All the original HBO episodes!!!

I'm not done downloading all this great stuff so noone better fuck up the site...

So much for my "Get Rich Quick" Scheme

here was my idea. go to the big Super Walmart in town at around midnight and snag me an X-box before all the hillbilly's in Sidney knew what hit them.

well, after realizing that Enterprise was on tonight, i didn't make it. but i did call them up at 3:15am and ask if they still had any.

after the brief chuckle on her end, she said "no, we don't have anymore".

she said that they only had 22 systems, and they were gone pretty damn quick.


maybe i will get me a GameCube


News flash

Apperantly if you want to see a trailOr for the new star wars movie PLANET OF THE CLONES then jonsnews is the place for you...

Zest fully clean links

Here are the things my girlfriend and I argue over.. Not girl and I.. Some guy and his check.. Girl and I are on year four and we still haven't had a fight... Is that wrong?

Looks like Microsoft is making some drastic last minute changes to the X-box

OOOOOOOOOOOoo fun flash abounds!!!!!!!

Here is about all I could dig up on those nightmare before christmas figures scott was talking about in the comments..

So far the best I could do is spank the monkey at 107 miles per hour.. you try

I still think this is one of the greatest inventions ever.. If I had one I would use it religiously..

I first read about the mojave phone booth that stands in the middle of nowhere back when I had just started highschool.. Its still a fucking incredible read.. I love it.. Its a shame its gone now.. I allways wanted to travel to see it...

Have you ever wondered how much stuff was in stuff?? Like Whipping cream, Cheeze Whiz silly string, or... . say... like....Shaving cream.. I know I have tested out the last one.. and It doesn't take alot to fill up a bathroom sink....

I'm glad someone out there is chronically their every bowel movement.. Thank god for the internet.. and then there is rate my poo dot com.. Check them both out..

And thanks to ZDnet you can all have a dancing tampons screen saver.. Download it now!

I got my digital camera working finally.. Here is my first picture I took with it abouta hour ago.. I am soooo excited in it..

Ok.. I am going to pass out now.. tired tired.. Nighty nity sleepy bear land...


What is the secret of your powers?!

Holy shit this site has some seriously FUCKED UP comics
check this one out.. I was laughiing my ass off

Click here for the rest

This is a old old old school link.. How to use japanese toilets!

Wacky races was a BADASSED Cartoon. I saw a cartoon on the adult swim on the cartoon channel, it was called Cowboy BeBop and it was FUCKING AWESOME!!!

I also saw a show the other day on comedy central thats not on comedy central yet and it rocked too.. It was called beat the geek and it rocked ass.. Look forward to it later next month...

This guy is a fucking nut job.. first he insisted he was getting directions from god to kill people.. Now he IS jesus and can erect invisible spirit shields to protect himself...

The BEST ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD is looking to helm a fat albert movie.. WHEEEEEEEEEE

Rambo May Take on Osama & the Taliban

Two quick stories about the aftermath in kabul.. one and two

Topless coleslaw wrestling motherfuckers!

Todays BLECH OF THE DAY is the jediphiles site.. CHeck it out for some old fashioned fun!

If disney was really behind this then I think it would kick ass.. I would soooooooooooo watch the movie!

The top ten things that will get you kicked out of the taliban

You know what? I'm fat.. But I think boycotting Shallow Hal is fucking retarded.. In fact I sooo want to see it.. Fuck retards

AHhhhh.. So now I know why cows blow up... That last bit about the leaking electricty is bullshit though.. One of my uncles cows got struck by lightning and it didn't blow up.. It just kind was all funny colored and bloated up and smelled funny....

I think this would be one of the toughest jobs ever...

Woah.. I wish I remembered my fairytales like this.. Check out the pics.. Little red is a little cold.. Check out more about the scarey tales

I don't think darren ever read my site.. let alone still does.. but if someone at work shows him this I bet he would jizz. This fucking made a working beretta 9mm out of FUCKING LEGOS

Oh goodie.. Copyrighted virii!!!!

Baskins Robbins Shrek Swirl.. Is it truely a threat to humanity??

I guess this is one way to strike back against people when your dead

Hmmm.. I was really considering starting my own real life fight club.. I never realised that the authorites would disdain it so much..

Thanks to NASA I now know not to leave silly string in my car...

And here is how to train to be a sniper thru shooting prarie dogs..

Samual L. Jackson REALLY likes his kilts..

Click here and here for some disturbing masturbation stories..

ok.. thats all the update for now.. more later my little hotdogs


Bin Ladens Super Secret cave of Evil

The best sexual move in the world...

77. Tony Danza - a takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.

And I think this one may explain corys problem

60.A Short in the Cord- A "code" phrase used by the common man to refer to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex. "Oh fuck! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the cord."

check out this page for more..

the format is done.. went smooth and my fucking internet worked instantly without any input from me.. wheeeeee


bring out yer dead!!!!!!!

I'm not quite dead yet.. I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Actually.. My computer is rather dead.. I think it may be the processor.. but it may be a VERY fucked up windows install.. its been off for three days and today its letting me in for a little bit.. But I get ALOT of blue screens and shit.. ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so I am hoping I can get it to stay up long enough to backup some of my stuff and then its off for a reformat.. So.. I hope other people keep posting some people who come here hav something to look at...
and I can't believe cory can talk about scotts curse and not mention mine in the same post.... Mine is taking a toll right now.. ugh..
links to come homesnakes


and one more thing...

ok, well since i said some stuff about the game cube, i figured i should put in something about the Xbox for equal billing. i was over at ign, and saw this

it looks like monster cable is making after market connectors fot the Xbox. they are also making some fiber optics for the audio. sounds interesting.

just a couple of stupid tidbits...

ok guys, lets just say it. i got to play with a gamecube tonight!

there is a display at the walmart in sidney, and it is playing luigis mansion. i didn't get enough time to play much, so i dont know if i like it or not. it was ok i guess.

the controler is alot different than the Xbox's though. its very small, and complicated. its like they just put buttons on it where ever there was a blank spot, but still i want one.

and, just a quick bit for cory, there is going to be a WWF superstars version of "The Weakest Link". you might want to check it out.

well, thats it for me. night all


Cursed ?

Okay this is getting weird. It appears there may be something wrong with Scott (or Mawd to the unintiated). It seems that most normal everyday technologies that he comes in contact with mysteriously stops functioning. It started happening with computers and files at work. He wasnt doing anything stupid and wasnt trying to break stuff to be funny, but things would still break or files would vanish without explanation. Then it moved on to other items such as cars, trucks, lights, pens and now I fear it has gotten worse.

Two weekends ago while at Scott's house, I flushed his toilet. A normal thing to do with a toilet, well as soon as I did his whole septic system backed up and everything plumbing related within 2 square miles of his house stopped functioning. Jokingly he blamed it on me for flushing my piss. But I had only used the bathroom once that night, Scott had used it at least 3 times. Now flash forward almost 2 weeks, Scott is at my house watching a movie and sipping on some beer. He goes to the bathroom at least 3 times, then I go and MY toilet backs up and starts to flood. A simple plunger and some foul language take care of it. Now here is the really strange thing, Scott goes to leave for the night, and he asks me if my VCR clock is correct ? It is display 250 AM. I say yes, because it was correct when I left for work earlier that day. Just to be sure, I look up on the wall at the battery powered clock and it also says 250 AM. I say it is correct. He says "Well its late I am heading home now that this show is over.". Well I notice that yes the show on The History Channel "The Wired World" is indeed over and the credits are running. But how can this be when my clocks say its only 10 minutes till ? I turn the clock display on the TV on and it also shows 10 till 3 as well. So I turn on the Cable Access channel for the correct time and it shows the correct time as 259 AM. 9 full minutes almost to the second of what all 3 clocks in my living room say !!! I confer with my computer (which checks against the Atomic Clocks) and yes it is 2:59 ! The VCR, the TV and the battery operated clock on the wall are all set with each other with only about a 3 second difference between them and they are all now 9 minutes behind in time, when they were completely correct when I left for work today !! This only happened in the room that Scott sat in all night long. All other clocks in my house were the correct time.

I start thinking to myself that Scott has some weird Tech Curse or maybe and he was cursed by Amish people in a weird King Midas type way to ruin technology. I search Google for "Amish Curse" and find this link ! Scroll to the bottom and read the last entry. This site is a record for Amish baseball teams. It talks about the mysterious disappearance of Crow Sox team founder Jack Crowley from some baseball action. The vanishing is so odd they refer to it as the Crowley Curse. The Crow Sox need a manager though, so they get this guy named .... SCOTT !!! And the article goes on to state The Crowley Curse and subsiquent vanishing may have befallen the new manager as well as he is no where to be found !!

Maybe it has ! Maybe Scott "Mawd" Buehler is actually, Scott "Amish" Blumberg - former Amish farmer picked to be the replacement manager for the Amish baseball team the Crow Sox. Who unwittingly agrees ... all the while not knowing of the crazy curse surrounding the team. Then the curse strikes Scott and makes him vanish to a small town in Ohio with hardly any memory in tact to be raised by modern people. But now as Scott gets older his crazy Amish powers are coming out and he cant control them and all technology he touches HE DESTROYS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, it sounds like the birth of a cool comic book charater - AmishMan or some shit. I for one am creeped out by the whole clock thing still and am going to hide under my covers like a little baby.

Oh btw - if you havent yet, VOTE NOW in my Testicle Pain poll - I am going to the doctor tomorrow or Friday. Whoever wins the poll gets to feel my nuts with some salad tongs and a catchers mit !


Nuts in a Vice !

Well I still havent decided why my nuts hurt so maybe you can help. Vote in the poll below.

Testicle Pain Poll

What is causing the pain in my testicles ?

1) Hernia
2) Elephantitis
3) Blue Balls
4) Too much kinky S&M damage
5) New strain of Anthrax
6) 2 words : Testicle Rebellion !
7) Damage from repeatedly slamming them in a door
8) They dont hurt its all in my head
9) They hurt cuz they are supposed to
10) Infected nut piercing
11) Rats chew on them at night

Since the voting poll I found sucked, vote by using the Comments link.

Well time for bed now, I have to get up early because I have been summoned to city Tax Court tomorrow (good thing I got the mail today) for failure to file city tax last year. The funny thing is H&R Block did my taxes and I dont owe any city tax. I cant wait to piss in their Wheaties tomorrow. WOOT !!


Robot.. Your planet needs you

Robot bastard is one of the cooler short movies I have watched recently... Definatly check it out...

Can Jam be used as a lubricant for sexual intercourse? Can Jam be used as a lubricant for sexual intercourse? I know these and many more are the questions you all want answered.. So click here the answers.. Also check out all the other weird ass bizarre catagorys

Check out what they are doing for Anarcy online with the storyline..

How does fiber optics work?? Thanks to the folks at all world knowledge I now know!!! smart asses...

I was soooooooo close to dressing up as a vagina this year.. but I didn't want to end up like this kid..

Creepie susie is a fucked up childrens book... I fucking want it.. Along with captain underpants and the perilous plot of professor Pippy P. Poopypants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or someone that reads this could allways get me the captain underpants boxed set for christmas!!

Click here to see the grotesque metamorphasis that micheal jackson has taken from child to.. Manthing...

Fucking A!!! THere used to be a fucking CDrom based commodore video game system.. Quite possibly the first multimedia video game system! The site I found this at has fucking MAD old video game system info.. Lots of obscure shit ehre...

todays BLECH OF THE DAY is more mild then most.. but don't complain.. just click!

This link is for ninja curtis.. I know he digs the DJ scene and I hope hes still reading the site...

What if we had fought hitler like we are fighting the taliban??

And in hot calculator news!!! TI HAS PULLED ONE OF ITS CALC SOFTWARE CDS FOR INNAPPROPIATE CONTENT!!!! Click here to read more about it!!!!!

Wait.. I am revising todays blech of the day.. It is now THIS site.. I can do these things.. because I am Jon and this is Jonsnews...

The Premiere Place for Clown Poetry on the Web! We hope you run around and have lots of fun here!

I would like to now link to Scotts favorite TV show.. I know he used to ALLWAYS talk about this show at work...

You all know that crazy flash site with the stick figures fighting?? THEY MADE A NEW GAME!! AND ITS A FIGHTING GAME!!! ROCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I guess if you were so inclined you could go here for pictures of girls kissing...

My husband died.. So I put his ashes in my BOOB IMPLANTS!!!!!!

Wjat a great name for a costume...

Well.. I gotta go work on rearranging my living room and get ready for work.. later yo's



Dolphins are evil!!!!!!!!!!!!

Researchers in Panama say a sunken ship found off their coast could be one of the vessels used by Christopher Columbus in his last voyage to the Americas.

Some guy figured out how to hack the aibo and do custom programs and sony bitched slapped him.. Bad sony.. Good fanboy...

Ronald McDonald arrested and hung.. News at 11

DeCSS is not illegal anymore!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

By the guys who made WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Check out their new video, School bus

Huge amount of lubricant, complete with pump


My homesnake MC Hawking has some new tunes up.. Go bump them in your hoop ride yo...

Check out Harry Porter.com!!!!!!!!!

Oh sweet god these are the coolest rubber band guns FUCKING EVER!!!!!!!!

Ok.. thats it for now.. Time to go pick up my paycheck and rent a couple Ps2 games.. we got 15 games in and all the new movies for hte week are in and I can grab them before they come out.. Later...


ok, i will admit it when i suck at a video game, and AOE2 is pretty much the game that i suck the most at.

but when it comes to Unreal Tournament, thats my game.

this definately makes up for my embarasment in AOE2 the other day.

JEsus and hutch!


The finest chair in existance...

How could you not want to set your ass in this fine fine fine chair..

Be sure to check out the star wars porn the george lucas is up in arms about..

What monster are you?

Spank the monkey!

Are there any haunted places near you?

Girl and I are going to watch the frightners with micheal J fox.. I fucking love this movie.. It was my halloween movie for this year... more later..