If you are, say, missing work to go looking for shit sex, you do have a problem.

Final AOE2 score for tonight:

Cory: 10412
Scott: 1914

I am supposed to get schooled in some UT on Thursday, but we will see. = )


Good night...
I'm serious now..


Well its after midnight so its technically halloween day.. In a few scant hours it will be all hallows eve. And I still don't have a fucking costume... Maybe I will whip out a tron costume really quick..

god there are some fucked up movies coming out.. here are a couple trailers for all you good girls and boys as a halloween treat for your little bags of goodies

The Mothman Prophecies - I have heard about the mothman before as one of the many cryptozoology creatures I have allways been in love with.. To see a movie about it would be sweet....

Eight legged freaks - Looks like it has some potential as a very campy/ funny movie.. Allthought in the very last scene of the trailer I think that thats david arquette (sp?) the 1-800 collect/ WCW world heavyweight champion, which would bring the movie down a notch I think...

And the totally fucking fucked up fucky fuck movie I am SOOOOOOOOO waiting for and have been for awhile now and it fucking finally has a trailer is FUCKING DONNIE DARKO OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE FUCKED UP.. I can't wait!! WATCH THIS TRAILER IF YOU CLICK ON NOTHING ELSE IN THIS POST..

But really you should be clicking on everything in this post.. thats why I fucking post...

I have Shrek on DVD.. I am going to watch it in the morning and try to shoot up a review.. What would you guys think of a DVD review section somewhere around here since I have acess to movies before they street?? drop a comment

Here are a couple great halloween sites.. Check out brittle bones. Not sure what it is.. but its whacked out... OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo and my pet skeleton is sweet too And speaking of my pet anything.. They are fucking making MY PET MONSTERS again!!!!!!!!!! Oh hey.. Check out that url for my pet monster.. inthe80s.com.. I remember my pet monster.. I had one.. IN THE EIGHTIES!!! FUCKERS!!!!!!!!

BLECH OF THE DAY 'nuff said


___ ____ _ ____ _ _
| |/ / | | / \ (_) | |
| ' / ___ ___ | | ___ / _ \ _ __| |
| < / _ \ / _ \| | |___| / (_) \ | |/ _` |
| . \| (_) | (_) | | / ____ \ | | (_) |
|___|\___\\___/ \___/|_| /___/ \___\|_|\__,_|
`. \
____ _,..OOO......\...OOO-...._ ___
.` '_.-( 9``````````P )--...) `.
` (( ` || __ || ` )) `
( ) |<` ````---__|| ( )
` ` ||) ,xx xx. //)__` `
`-____-` ,/ O` O` //,'_ )`-____-`
,/ ,, // |//
/ (( //
( (._ _,) (_) -OH YEAH!
\ \````/ /
\ ^--^ /
\_ _____ __/
| | | |
( ) ( )
,--'~'\ /'~'--,
(_______) (_______)

I hope that comes out.. its the kool aid guy!!!

I have been reading wil wheatons web log for awhile now.. Cory just pointed me to this slashdot interivew with him.. Quite good

ROit!! Now watch me stick me finger in his bum hole.. I could go for two hours of that.. This link is for cory.. heheh

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Oh good.. Not only will tommorow night be a full moon.. the first one on halloween since 1955, but there will also be a constellation at its highest point in the sky which is said to be there during times of great calamity, possibly the biblical flood or the sinking of Atlantis. The Aztecs and Mayans believed it will be overhead at midnight on the night the world comes to an end

To really get into the halloween spirit you need to go download War of the worlds and listen to it and go rent rocky horror picture show.. DO IT!! BOTH OF THOSE THINGS!!!

Heres another link for cory.. Check out these reverse enginereed Iron chef recipes!

These are some fucking BAD ASSED pumpkins!!!!!!!!

Rick and Steve.. The happiest gay couple in lego land!

Shallow hal is going to rock.. Jack Black kicks my ass inside and out!

HEre is a """"""""Cute"""""""""" little halloween game for you all.. I got 850 at level 15..

I know all the homies back in tech support will like this page.. We got stories from back in the day

The ultimate rubber band shooting site!!

Read this.. It freaked the shit out of me.. I need to go to bed now.. Night night.. AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh
I want to leave the lights on =-(
I need a costume...


Happy day before halloween!!!!!!

I have today to get a costume in order.. Ugh.. I still can't figure out what I want to be.. Girl has hers all picked out.. but I don't have any clue yet.. Drop some suggestions in the comments...

Check out some cool zombie jokes for tommorow!

On the jack chick note.. I just found another chick tract in my shit from my last job.. I remember finding it in my desk.. I wonder why they sent it with me??

Oh yeah.. Happy halloween from Jack chick.. Heres another great one! OOOOOOo and here is a new one from him..

Jón Shieldtipper is my viking name.. Whats yours?
Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You're not a belligerent person by nature, which is unfortunate if you want to be a Viking. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you're no "berserker".
You might grumble a bit at the lack of amenities on board a Viking longboat, but you can handle it. Other Vikings tolerate your presence, though they're not quite sure if they can trust you to fight dirty.
You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Other people tend to think of you as manipulative and conniving.

Lemon adventure ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bed time stories for bad little children...

If you liked those halloween costumes I posted yesterday..Then check this shiznit out...

Is the x-box failing allready? read more..

And welcome to todays BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!!!

buhbuy now.. I have to go find a halloween costume or I can no longer consider myself a true man..


A power so great, it can only be used for good or evil

Ugh.. work was crazy yesterday.. But it was great!
We didn't have power for the first two hours. So all the stuff we were supposed to get done before we opened didn't get done until after we were open and it was busy.. About mid morning a bald guy in a suit walks in and browses for awhile and tells me some movie he rented sucks. He was some movie he thought was about new world orders or something and conspiracy theories.. So I suggested a couple movies to him that I thought he would dig, Usual suspects and memento. So be browses for about half a hour and picks up movies and puts them back and blah blaah blah and then goes to leave and drops a fucking JACK CHICK COMIC on the counter and goes.. "Heres a little something for you to read"

Three days to go and I am still without a halloween costume.. I guess I could allways get a box..

OOOOOOooooooooo Contraceptive corn!!!

This is the coolest fucking car EVER.. I want it bad!!!!!!!!

Wait!! I think I just found my costume!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.. fucking tatoo!!!!!!
Click here for some of the greatest costumes ever!!!

I've burned alot of shit with gas.. but I have never tried to cook chicken with it.. I don't figure it would be very successful..

Ever want to shut down a country? Then just click here on how to make your own electromagnetic pulse bomb.. Or just set it around to impress your friends and scare your neighbors..

This should help me get one step closer to being able to play real life Ages of Empires

Click here for all the monopoly cards that they should have!

The end is near my friends.. The olsen twins are set to cover a weezer song in their next movie..

Scorched earth is quite possibly the finest game ever.. It needs multiplayer internet capabilities though..

Kick... Punch.. Its all in your mind.. If you want to test me, I'm sure you'll find. The things I'll teach ya, are sure to beatcha, but never the less take a lesson from teach-ah (its scarey that I didn't need to look up the parappa the rappa lyrics online. I could recite them from memory) Karate for christ. Become closer to god by kicking some ass.. This one is for ninja curtis
Also be sure to check out the trailer for kung-fu jesus!

This year.. Don't just get pelted by eggs. Fight back!

Maybe instead of a jack-o-lantern this year I will put a boob-o-lantern on my porch!!

Alice coopers haunted house is so scarey taht people are just leaving things there because they are too scared to come back and pick them up..

I'm not even really sure why I had this page up on my browser or how it got there.. but go ahead and take a look..

And to finish it all off.. Here isTODAYS BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!!! HAW HAW HAW

I got tons more of links my friends.. more to come...


What is this?!

Ladies and Gentlemen, and especially Jon, this is quite possibly the coolest thing that i have yet to see on the web.

the guy who makes the handheld atari 2600's, has been tinkering with some Playstations. he isn't selling them sadly, but this is still mighty cool. for the rest of the story, click here.

Hes going the distance

I have to go open at work.. But as soon as I get home expect a long post!


Travolta's Head and M$'s Lunacy

This post I would like to discuss 2 things.

First let me state that like Satan, I HATE John Travolta. But this has nothing to do with how much I loath him.


As you can see below (image 1), his head is getting very large. His head on the left is from the Saturday Night Fever - this was about 1977. John was 23 years old at that time. His head on the left is circa 1998, his age was 44.

Now both of theses heads are from slightly different angles (the left his chin is down, the right the chin is more level with the camera) but as you can see from the red lines that the eye size and distances are the same, so we can use this as a basis for comparison. Also before editing the heads for clarity (ie: cutting them out of their original pictures, the one on the left showed a small portion of his right ear lobe). Now the best path comparison I could come up with was earlobe to earlobe. In both pictures (prior to cropping) both of his right ear lobes were exposed at the same percentage and as you can see the size of his left ear is the same. So as you can see in about 21 years his head as severely enlarged. Granted these images are somewhat crude, but this was the best of the media I could find. For further study, I suggest renting Urban Cowboy or Saturday Night Fever and then renting Primary Colors or Michael and the head increase will not only be apparent, but striking and somewhat unsettling. This image also disproves the "he got a little fat" theory, because even if you get fat, that doesn't make your ears spread farther apart from their original origin.

Image 1: Head size comparison

During my research I also found this picture below (image 2). This image is from the movie "Face-Off" and is obviously snapped by someone on the set before filming where John was having a very bad head pain during one of his head's growth spurts. Nicholas Cage is on his back trying to keep his head from expanding further, but if you have seen Swordfish, you can tell his effort was futile.

Image 2:  Head Growth Spurt on the set of "Face-Off"

And as my last bit of evidence I submit this cover picture of Rolling Stone (image 3). Now as you all know, Rolling Stone's magazine is quite wide. Wider than many normal magazine sizes. I contacted Rolling Stone's Managing Editor Robert Love, he confided in me that the picture of Travolta's head on this issue was actually life-size. To compare his head size to yours, go to your local library and pick up this Rolling Stone to compare.

Image 3:  Rolling Stone Cover

Now for some crazy shit I found on some Microsoft's websites.

From Microsoft's Visio 2002 (XP) Comparison Site

Visio Standard

Diagramming solutions that help business professionals—project managers,
marketers and salespeople, HR personnel, administrative staff—visualize and
share information they work with every day.  $199

Visio Professional

Tools to help technical professionals—IT specialists, developers, and
engineers—visualize existing ideas, information, and systems, and prototype
new ones.  $499

So from these descriptions, it would seem that if you want to "visualize existing ideas" you need the Professional version. Visio Standard doesn't appear to be compliant with any of your existing ideas only the ones you have after you buy Visio Standard. If you want Visio 2002 to work with your older ideas, you will need the Professional version for $300 more.

From Microsoft's PressPass website on WindowsXP and Privacy

Product Activation has already been cracked, or at least it will be cracked
very quickly, and therefore is of no anti-piracy benefit.

Actually, Product Activation has yet to be cracked. The so-called "crack"
now being passed around the Internet contains a set of instructions for
setting a registry key that disables activation. Microsoft made the existence
of this registry key public to its technical beta testers back in early
February telling them where it was and how to set it to disable activation,
and included it as a testing tool.

Still, the intellectual property protection arena is a cat-and-mouse game.
All intellectual property protection technologies will be cracked at some
point — it’s just a matter of time.
The measure of success is not
completely stopping software piracy, which is probably an unattainable goal.
Success is more likely to be measured in increased awareness of the terms of
the license agreement and increased license compliance.

If cracking protection is "just a matter of time" why in the hell would you do something that is going to bug the hell out of Customers and be totally non-existent to pirates ? I also like their arrogance about the "crack" that is out now. Let me let you in on a little secret Microsoft, that is just one of many that is out. And you releasing your version to external BETA testers was retarded. Let's call a spade a spade Microsoft, the Authentication stuff is dumb and pointless (you say so yourself) and the "crack" that is out from your release was a major fuck-up by you, as it should have never been sent to public testers.

And for some general link fun, check out the Web's WayBack Machine. They have been archiving snapshots of just about every website out there for a couple of years and you can watch the site's progression thru time. Its way cool.


You drive me crazy with that Boogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie

So I'm gonna keep doing the site.. And your going to keep reading it.. So do me and you both a favor and tell a friend that doesn't come here to come here and enjoy the goodness.. If you have a website feel free to email me to exchange links or banners or whatever...

You know that funny little guy that runs lockergnome.com and is now on techTV? Well.. Lockergnome is still cool and he is still on techTV.. Uhhh yeah.. I don't know where I was going with that.. but heres a link.. so just never mind..

Do you use AOLIm?? If so go get some nasty icons for your bad self...

Woah.. Scientists have finally gotten braincells and silicon to work together.. are we getting closer to wetwear????

In celebration?? of the upcoming comedy central roast of the great Hef I found this interview with him.. Pretty cool read..

Mezzo.com is the new greatest web portal in the world...

If you are going to carve a pumpkin this year do it shotgun style!

Ok.. So you allready have your pimphat.. How about a pimp computer case?

Here are some cool printable paper airplanes for you to goof off at work with..

"We made out in a tree and this old guy watched us" is THE place on the internet to find weird out of context quotes.. And here is how the site got hits URL...

Ferret Legging is quite possibly one of the best sports ever!!! I think it should be in the olympics!!!!!!!!

This is a terribly kick ass java game.. IT RULES!!

Have you gotten your halloween all planned out yet?? Well halloween online may be able to help if not...

I saw a commercial for BIO BUGS last night and they look fucking cool.. They will hunt out each other and kill other species!!!

Oh god.. I also saw the new Tenacious D video for wonder boy last night!!! IT ROCKS!!!!!! You can check out the video here

Bush orders CIA to kill Osama Bin Laden

Miss cleo just called someone "sweetness". I know cory will find the humor in that!

My friends.. the 8th wonder of the world.. Tampon henge

Computer programmer of international terrorist?

Ever wonder if your favorite hollywood type was a scientolgist?? well. find out now...

I bet they found some weird stuff like this in the duplex after cory and I were done with it... Remember the Warez disposal system??

Whether its online, live, or table top.. Here is the big lexicon of gamer jargon

Got some spare time?? Go here to help to sharpen your sniper skills... And then check out these really really cool pictures of stuff getting shot.. there are some really cool ones...

Tons and tons of pictures of the Aurora Boralis here

And click here for a interview with satan.. Hear him bad mouth John Travolta...

Here are some halloween tips from the onion!

Say No To Zombie Woofs! Don't ask me why.. Just do it...

Ok.. well thats it for me.. Take care and help control the pet population.. Have your pets spade or neutured....



Well.. I think it was the saddle picture that convinced me... I'll keep doing the site..



Some ass stole my domain name of www.jonsnews.com.. This has really beaten the shit out of me the last couple of days.. I don't even know how to explain it.. I never thought someone would want to do that to me.. The site was just starting to peak when the domain went away.. And now I don't even know if I feel like doing it any more knowing that there are shit brains out there that would do that to someone... I got a email this morning offering to sell me MY OWN FUCKING DOMAIN back for seven hundred and fifty dollars. I write it out instead of using numbers becuase that hold more weight to me...
I am working two jobs right now and my wife and I are still 50 dollars short for rent and we are quickly running out of food.. My car needs a new tire. Girls car won't even start. Fuck that noise. I feel beaten.. Not just about this website.. About life in general.. I am fighting like fuck to try to get our heads above water... And then I get one of the few respits in my life snatched away.. I still have the site.. But I don't even know how I feel.. I was cranking out the long posts and it was very cathartic to me.. It helped me relieve a little bit of the stress I was under.. Then some asshole snatches it from me and offeres to FUCKING SELL IT TO ME FOR SEVEN HUNDRED AND FUCKING FIFTY DOLLARS!!! Fuck you...
One of the things that sucks the most about it too is that all my fucking email was going to jon@jonsnews.com So I have gotten no email from my family since then... And very little from my friends.. ALl because this fuck thought he could make a quick buck off of my 30 fucking hits a day site... Thirty hits a day folks.. thats right.. Thats all I was getting and I was happy with it.. I get about 8 now that the domains gone.. And thats not even really the point.. I just feel allmost.. violated now.. So I am going to ask for two things. The first.. If you read this site. Please click on the comment link at the bottom of this post and leave me a comment of why you feel I should keep doing this site. I don't care if its just saying "I enjoy reading it" or if you write something long and inspirational.. I just want every single person that comes here to leave a comment giving me a reason to keep doing this site.. Tell me how long you've been reading.. Anything.. Just give me a reason.....
Second. I am going to post this sorry fucks information. Please do anything that you feel necessary to this living piece of shit.. Email.. Page him.. call him at home.. use his email address to sign up for AOL. sign him up for gay nazi newsletters.. spam spam spam.. Send him nasty emails.. Just do something.. I like to think that I don't really ask for much back from doing this site and pouring myself into it.. But now I'm asking for two very important things....
His name is Eric Gray
His email is admin@opt2.net
His snail mail is
3705 North Runway Drive
Tucson, Arizona
postal zone 85705
But that one could be a front. The address on the domain registration is:
#41 Ranger Rd. Z-4
Signal Village, Taguig
Metro Manila, 1604 PH

Here is the info from register.com

Here are his phone and pager numbers
daytime business phone number is 520 888 4466.
personal digital pager number is 1 800 780 4983

He also runs this page.. Which I laugh at. A fucking mail order bride site.. Be sure to highlight the entire "hidden" tags at the bottom so you can see what kind of cheap crap this guy uses to get hits...

Well..I guess thats it.. I'll see what kind of response this gets and figure out what I am going to do from there.. Thank you all...

Just thinking

It seems lately that some companies are scrambling to ride the PR wave of other

The biggest one that a lot of folks are talking about is AMD naming their new

Athlon processor the AthlonXP. Now some people think that they are trying to
ride on the PR tidal wave of Microsoft's latest Operating System WindowsXP.
Which they might be, but are they the only one ?

I dont think so. Have you seen Intel's P4 logo lately ? Mmm that blue and orange on the logo looks like something I have seen before. Oh could it be the blue and orange that Microsoft is using for the WindowsXP logo ? It's subtle, but its there. Think I am crazy ?

RGB Values:

Windows XP

  • R: 255
  • G: 51
  • B: 1
P4's Logo
  • R: 254
  • G: 100
  • B: 1
Windows XP
  • R: 0
  • G: 102
  • B: 204
P4's Logo

  • R: 2
  • G: 49
  • B: 252

Okay well I might be a bit crazy for examining the RGB values of the colors, but I think I proved my point. There were 16 million+ colors that Intel could have chose for their P4 logo, and they just happened to chose those 2 ? Sure it might be a little more subtle then what AMD did but it is still there.

Also, I find myself wrestling between the meaning of 2 words, maybe you can help me. The first word is "box". The dictionary defines box as "A container typically constructed with four sides perpendicular to the base and often having a lid or cover." and if someone says the word box, I think we all have a pretty good idea of the shape and other visual properties of a box.

The second word is the word "cube". A cube is a "regular solid having six congruent square faces.". When hearing the word cube we all know what one looks like.

Box, Cube, Box, Cube ... wow thats similar. Box, Cube, Box, Cube, Box. Mmm. Almost so similar it could be confusing.

Let me make my point of the confusion factor with this little example:

A 12 year old kid tells his Mom and Dad the different things he wants for Christmas. Since he is a really cool kid of course on the top of his list will be the new Jay-Z CD "Blueprint". And being the greedy little bastard we all are at Christmas when we get the toy catalog in the mail, he asks for 2 of the newest console gaming systems coming out - The Fun Box and The PlayCube.

Now its time for Mom and Dad go shopping and as they enter the electronics section of the store a sinking feeling starts in their stomachs. No its not from crazy ass mall food its because they forgot what exactly the kid wanted for Christmas.

Dad:  "Was it the Toy Sphere ?"
Mom: "No I think it was the Goofy Pyramid."
Dad: "No, no it was definitely the Play Rhombi dodecahedron !"
Mom: "Shit I cant remember what the damn shape was."
Dad: "Well I remember that the first word was something exciting and fun."
Mom:  "Yeah no doubt to entice him into wanting one."
Dad:  "Well anything to keep him off the crack is fine with me."
Mom: "Oh I feel bloated from the Hot Sams."
Dad: *Deep In Thought*
Mom: "I have to get tampons before we leave, remind me."
Dad: "BOX !"
Mom: "What ?!"
Dad: "I think the shape was a box or square or something like that."
Mom: "I think you're right."

Now the 2 parents head over to the game consoles looking at all the packages on the shelves for a console with something similar to "box" in the name.

They find 2.  The first one is the "Fun Box" which costs $299.99 (clearly expensive because it is superior to all other consoles and has more processing power than the Russian Space Agency) and the "PlayCube" selling for $199.99.(obviously so incredibly cheap because the manufacturer Blimtenblow would get laughed at if they tried to push their cheap-ass, 1989-technology PlayCube for more than that).  So being the cheap bastards they are, they grab the PlayCube, plus the big picture of alarge yellow cartoon creature on the front makes them feel horny.

So the kid gets the crap console for Christmas just because the words "Box" and "Cube" are so damn similar and if memory serves me, the X-Box was named that
while the GameCube was still the Dolphin *tries to hold in laughter*.

The moral of this post ?   Do your research and make sure you get the most superior product and dont let yourself get tricked by clever marketing and double-talk.

PS:  Make sure to check out the new
Jay-Z-Box CDXP "Blueprint"
available at your local WinMX. = )



I just had a huge fucking post up. But IE crashed. Mother fuckers.. ARRRRRRGGGHHHHH

Ok.. here it goes again super quick style

Ouchy interviews here and here and here and his bookmarks. I made a joke about people who want to buy a shamecube having coprophagia

I linked to horseballs agian becuase I haven't in a long time.

I went to sexual positions free and found out he runs other funny informative sites here here and here and here.

Here is how to have sex with a dophin.

Which wipe works for you?

I posted the magic mystic racoon penis bone, and where to buy one (or any other penis bone you may want) maybe you could make a gamecube controller out of it...

And for the love of christ TODAYS BLECH OF THE DAY IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PAINTCAN COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey. Could you please leave the socks on tonight?

This was second choice for blech of the day...'

If you really need a gerbil or rodent extracted from your ass. Don't just go to anyone. Go to the specialists. And if you are not into shoving them up your bum then maybe think about the upcoming holidays and how you could serve them..

I want this pumpkin!

Need help with your love life? try the loveatron. Or savage love!

This is a REALLy good online comic. Especially if you have ever read and enjoyed love and rockets...

I also wrote about this freakish robotic cat. And how its not as cool as the aibo. Speaking of freaky cat things..

Some day I WILL build this...

And here is another fine site from my good man bnib

Yes. You too can become a hero by playing UT online.. Oh yes..

I also had found my new fetish.. Pirate Lingerie!!!!!!!

And this is to make up for the coprophagia comment.. Cause I know scott digs the cam girls..

If you find a hole in any of our code please don't tell anyone!

Ok.. I think that was allmost everything that was in the post before I lost it.. Please donate a buck if you can afford it.. see the amazon thing on the right..

Later.. Oh yea for some reason the jonsnews.com domain name is unaviable to register all of a sudden =-(


I just had a huge fucking post up. But IE crashed. Mother fuckers.. ARRRRRRGGGHHHHH

Ok.. here it goes again super quick style

Ouchy interviews here and here and here and his bookmarks. I made a joke about people who want to buy a shamecube having coprophagia

I linked to horseballs agian becuase I haven't in a long time.

I went to sexual positions free and found out he runs other funny informative sites


Quick Post

Anyone else think that ICQ should just die ?

Here is what the new version 2000b looks like:

Who the hell needs all that crap ?



Ok.. Its time again for the annual Jonsnews fund raiser drive. Girl and I are in a really tight spot and in desparate need of help. I'm not going to resort to banners. You all know that.. What I'm asking for is a buck or two or whatever you can spare. Every dollar helps. For right now you can use the amazon donate thingy on your left. I will be adding paypal soon. And if that keeps up, even a buck or two a day then I can keep posting and not go get a second job.. So.. Nuff' said on that.

Second. The www.jonsnews.com domain name is no more. So if someone wants to get me a early christmas present then I would love you forever. hint hint.

Now. On with the links and goodies.

Are you a woman? Do you have sex with a woman? Then you may want to learn how to squirt!!!!!!!

Check out the entire egyptian book of the dead online! Sweet!

Now. I want to talk about the shamegamecube for a moment. For one. Look at this. What is quite possibly the most retarded controller EVER. Second. Consider the fact that even though it has a DVD drive, and uses DVD technology. It CAN'T FUCKING PLAY DVDS!!!!!!!!!!! I won't even waste any more time saying how much it sucks. Its self evident..

Check out this site for SHITLOADS of flash games. Some are quite good...

Is the greatest performer in the entire world coming out with his own stance on Bin Laden and the whole thing? watch this video and see for yourself. And then read the lyrics!

I used to be a huge thundercats fan. I had all the action figures. I watched the cartoon religiously. I soooooooo can't wait for the movie... And if you have never heard of them go listen to the outtakes from the cartoon!

The world's primary information and support network for and about romantic relationships among cousins

Ok.. right now MTv is talking about the taliban and giving info on them.. and the background music is the new puff diddy daddy poppa smurf song..

I found out some more info on Boon-ga boon-ga. Check it out here and here and here and here.

Ok.. Well thats it for now. I'm going to go put some of my stuff up on ebay. Please donate if you can. Take care.


HArvest Moon is the best game ever..

I've been watching movies until my brain rots out lately and playing harvest moon. Harvest moon is incredible. I know. I have voiced my opinion of games where people pay and just get home from work and go to work in the game... But this is different. Sure I spent all day saving up so I could buy a cow and a basket to put my fruit into.. But.. Its just different OK!

Do you or anyone you know need a asskicking? Maybe this guy can help.. And what ever happened to those monkey phone calls???

I have two links that scott will absolutly love. The first is the halloween costume that I KNOW he would kill for..
And the second is Ask Optimus. The greatest help column in the world..

I think I am going to get one of these puppets and take my show on the road!

Awesome dick dot com. Suprisingly not really a porn site. Kind of..

Just about the coolest thing about Limp Bizkit is no more. Wheeeeee.

Last night I played what is quite possibly the worst game FUCKING EVER! Its Simpsons Wrestling. I love simpsons. I love wrestling. One would think that this game would be enjoyable. IGN gave it a ONE in their review. I think thats too much. Go read this review... It states it way better then I can..

And if you have a KFC anywhere near you GO FUCKING GET SOME OF THE NEW HONEY BAR-B-QUE WINGS!!!!!!! THEY ROCK!!!!!!!
Well.. I gotta go bathe and get ready for work.. I will try to post again tonight..


"can i see some id?"

ok, so there i am. on my way home from work, and i decide to get some beer. but oops, where is my id? shit, i left it at home. oh well, i'm sure i won't get carded.


how can someone mistake me for being under 21? hell, look at me!


Game News

The fall of Everquest may be coming very soon. It seems once given a reasonable alternative to Norrath people flock and in mass. Let just hope this game, like Everquest, doesnt turn out to be a big pile of repeating, sub-par visual, pile of shit EQ is.

Speaking of Verant, thankfully it looks like their next project Star Wars Galaxies is being kept in tight check by Lucas Arts. Thank god. Reports had this game coming out Q3 2002, but today it has been reported that it will be pushed back to sometime in late 2002. <hint> Which would make it a GREAT Christmas gift for me ! </hint>

The New Myth game, Pool of Radiance, has finally dethrowned the Sims as the number 1 selling video game. But dont count your chickens before you are able to micro-manage them into relationships and dates as the next Sims Expansion, Hot Date is right around the corner - coming out November 13 !

And also, let us not forget that Return to Castle Wolfenstein is coming out November 6th.

In closing, remember that on April 1st, 2002 we will all bow down to Star Trek Bridge Commander ! God I cant wait for this game !!! Lets just hope that somewhere in the game, no matter how slight, there is a reference to the Vulcan nerve pinch like their was in the last episode of Star Trek Enterprise !Oh sweet Star Trek Away Team is going to have the Vulcan Nerve Pinch in it !!


Can anyone tell me what this is all about???


Yo yo yo this is your latest post from J-dawg

Hey.. Whats up?? Plan on moving soon? Do you have a hippo?? If so the USPS can help!

Click here for before and after pics of one of the bombed training camps in afghanistan

Do you like to read stories about your favorite Jedi being tortured or put through hell? Better yet, do you like writing such stories? Well then, you have come to the right place. Welcome to the Jedi Hurtaholics Archive, your one stop shop for Jedi torture and angst.

Someone posted this is the comments. I wish the super huge free camel toe index was still up. This is a pay site.. But its still camel toes.. And the site also has a really interesting section on the history of the camel toe!

The guy who started and runs fuckedcompany.com just started his own custom made porn business... What a great idea!

I know this is Corys favorite game. So I hope he enjoys this.. AAHHHHHHHHHH MISS CLEO JUST THREATED TO TAKE SOMEONE TO CHURCH AGAIN!!! AHHHHHHHHHH

I remember Cop Rock. I truley believe it was the greatest TV show EVER...

If this turns out to be true then I will be with cory on his stance of the matrix.. I REALLY hope this remains just a rumor..

Todays BLECH OF THE DAY is quite possibly one of the weirdest fetishes I have ever heard of. I've heard of animal fetishes, I've seen stomping videos and crush videos.. but.. this is just odd..

Is james camaron making a ringworld movie? I hope so!

Now here is quite possibly the weirdest thing to come out of the whole attack thing. I want you all to look at this picture. Then look to the right of bin ladens head.. Right on his shoulder.. you see that?? ITS BERT!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH WHY?!?!??!?!?
Here is a better picture of it..
I guess bert is evil after all..
Here is a page about it...form your own opinion...

I bet scott is waiting for this game to come out on his gamePube. Read the reviews too...

Amazon.com has a site up for the new chicken quesadilla hand held

Here is a really good article given to me this morning by my good man bnib


Punchmynuts.com Not only a great domain name a great site too!!!!!!

Samantha is a big fat bitch...

Oh yes. The gas powered blender. The only piece of kitchen equipment you need!

YIKES!! the gallery

And this is to make of for a day that I didn't post a BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!


The last two posts.

It was supposed to be just one post.. But it kept eating everything after the first post. So I broke it into two and it worked.. Tada!

Mutant X

Ok.. I watched mutant x the other night. Its the new show. I felt it was a slight rip of the Xmen, but there were enough differences to seperate it. The bad guy looks a little too much like andy warhol, which is a little disturbing, but... All in all it was rather good.. Its good to see a comic book show on TV that has decent production values, and isn't aimed at kids. I enjoyed it for the most part. I will watch it again.. The X part of the name bothered me a little bit, but at the end I found out that fucking marvel had a hand in it.. So its all good.. If your a comic fan and your jonesing for some decent comic TV then watch Mutant X...

I've been reading the Corona movie website since I can remember being on the net for the most part. Two years ago they started a section called test patterns which was DVD reviews, and it turned into its own great site with tons of great shit on it, their reviews are top notch, And now they recently opened their very own video game site. Definatly worth a check and something to watch.. They also have a review of Arcanum up which is a game I expressed a great longing for about a year ago to cory. This game looks like its going to rock!! the graphics may not be stupendous, but the game play will fucking kick. Which in my opinion makes any game worth it, not matter how bad the graphics...

Scott will dig this. Its people drawing with their GPS system. fuck yeah..

This is quite possibly one of the longest and weirdest flash videos I have ever seen. If you have the endurance to make it to the end I applaude you!

I know many of you are still out there wading in the dating pool. Well use this tool to tell how good a prospective mate will be in bed.

OOOOOOOOOoooooooo Click here to play Mahjongg online. I fucking love this game

A article on the science of why songs get stuck in your head...

Cory this is for you. I sincerly hope that this is a joke. I really don't want to have to hunt down the people behind this and kill them.. FuCKING SHATNER!!!!!!!!

Full House fan fiction where nobody sticks it to DJ? Now who would want to read that? Besides the freakish layout thats worse then my old one to read...

Woah.. These comics look pretty sweetass.. CLick here to read a Jerkbox and Punk'nhead story right on your computer.. WOW!

Oh yes. And for todays BLECH OF THE DAY I have for you HOT STICK FIGURE ACTION!!!

What a great site

This is still one of my favorite flash movies...

I really wish I had gotten in on this auction.. I missed the chance of a lifetime.. Be sure to check out their site for more crazy auctions too..

I know what I want for christmas now!!!!!

She stated that she had been pregnant about three years ago and everything seemed to be going fine, but "the baby never came out."

The big list of movie monologues

My Hobbit name is Olo Toadfoot of Frogmorton!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit.. THis is great. Heman dance party!!! ROCK!!!

And to top it all off a couple of quick notes.
I start a new job today. Oh yes. I now work at a video store. Free rentals baby. Its not computers.. but its a job.. But it should also allow me plenty of time to update here. So.. yeah..
Second. The domain www.jonsnews.com is going to go away soon. I don't have money to pay for it and the year has got to be allmost up... Does anyone still use it? Or does everyone use jonsnews.vectorstar.net?? If people still use it I will put another amazon donate thing up there if people will donate to it to pay for a domain name.. Drop a comment on how you feel one way or the other.. Pretty please..
Ok. thats it for now.. Enjoy!


se habla hombre de la araña ?

I think I like this version better than the US one.

I just got a toy in my frosted flakes! JOY!

For lack of a better title..

Anyways. Check out the new bjork video.. Its very stunning, too bad we will never see it on tv.. but it still rocks..

I knew it was coming. Forum 3000 has been taken over again. Its no more. From what I can tell this happened friday (Look in the hall of fame, Thats when I found it too.) Now I just have to wait till it comes back..

And here is something odd I found.. I sketch of steve martin from the jerk giving his love his thermos... God I fucking love that movie.. I'm not a bum.. I'm a JERK....

Ass, Titties. Ass n' Titties, Ass ass titties titties ass n' titties.... You need soap n' water...

I got to level five of this game today. Whats new pussy cat? WOOOOOOOOhhha woaaaahhhhaaaaaa wooooooooooohaa

Here are some wallpapers with boobies on them for you all!!

Its good to know that there are still jesters out there. I want this job!!!!!!!

Ok.. Well thats it for now. Girl got off of work early and she wants me to go be her bitch and cook lunch and let her play sims. She said I have to hurry up and go fix her lunch so I will try to post later if she lets me use the computer if I am good...
She says that she is not mean and I have to say that...


I'm a ramblin man

Now I got some comments saying that I gave too many links to scott and not enough for cory so this post will have a extra special cory link..

But first I have this wiked puzzle game that is kicking my ass.. Go play Gears! And on the shockwave site I also found this.. I FUCKING LOVE SPY HUNTER!!! The original here is great! As is the new one for the PS2.. It even has the old cars that bump you off to the fucking side.. it rocks!!!

And here is my link for cory. I know he will love this.. He is such a fan of this TV show.. heheh

Is it wrong that I have a fear of miss cleo. She scares me at this point.. I am afraid that she is going to come to my house and "Take me to church".. So needless to say I find that someone made a Miss Cleo fanfic page especially disturbing...

Dr Dre will soon be releasing his newest hit song. Kill Bin Laden...

Oh yeah.. New layout.. Leave a comment and let me know what you think of it. The archives work really well too now. Its quite neat..
Girl and I have Christmas at her grandparents today so I can't post right away, but as soon as I can I will.. Hopefully cory and scott will post some more if they get bored..



Confirming reports that we ran last week, Ben Affleck is set to don the red tights of Daredevil. After Vin Diesel pulled out due to a scheduling conflict, Ben angled for the role, much to the glee of his friends Kevin Smith and Matt Damon.

Damon allegedly has been a big Daredevil fan for years and Kevin Smith wrote a recent comic revival of the blind superhero. Filming is scheduled to begin next month with a target release date of next fall.

I got this info from my VideoETA newsletter.

< sarcasm >

All Hail the GameCube!!!!

For all you wanna be gamers who think that the little X-box is the second comming, (HA!) here is a look at what the real giant in gaming is up to.

Now this is genious. Take a gaming Icon like Link from Legend of Zelda, run him through the blender, take what is left from that, and then put into a paper shredder. Haul the little pieces of paper over to the local preschool and ask them what they think Link should look like and go with that. I mean that is the way to make a video game.

I mean, why create a charactor that looks realistic like this, when you can have a dumbed down duplo version like this.

< /sarcasm >


Pikachu hospitalizes hundreds of children. News at 11

I heard about this way back when it first happened.. Be sure to check it out and read all about how pokemon trigged seizures (Or didn't)

Is the RIAA employing "hacker" techniques to shut down file sharing programs?

Yahoo serious the actor errr person.. is sueing Yahoo the search engine..

This site allows you to find the link between any two things... Its pretty fun to play with..

Is this the beginning of mutant powers manifesting in humans??

I'm a pretty big fan of the handspring.. And I love the uber cool springboard moduals.. But I think this is taking it a bit too far...

Lowtax of something aweful tackles the terrible secret of space. Scott will love this one...

I love peeps..If you love peeps to then check out the Blair Peep Project..

Here are some tips for getting the most out of a stripper..

And here is a the picture of Marlyn Manson rubbing his nuts on a security guards head..

Check out the trailer for the new Tenacious D video WonderBoy.. I love the D


New York firefighters getting all the sex they could want..

HEres the ultimate guide for hosting a LAN party..

I still think that my silly putty scheme will work.. Too bad everyone at work made fun of my genius...

This is quite possibly the most disturbing game ever..

Here is how to make the perfect cup of coffee...

Have hackers gotten into Osama Bin Ladens accounts??

The robotic chicken?? THis christmas;s hit toy???

What if Superheros called into talk shows???

Check out this intentionally bad JRR tolkien synopsis to bait kids not wanting to do their own homework...

Alan Moore (yeah. The comic Alan Moore) wrote From Hell partly as a reaction to most Jack the Ripper stories, which pay lip-service to denouncing serial murder while transparently pornographing it: "The lushness of the bosom, the glint of the knife, the exciting music..." But the upcoming movie seems to be exactly that!

The first rule of fightclub is you don't talk about fight club.. the first rule of ground pounders is you make a website about it...

This christmas get a weapon for that special lady in your life...

OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo The possibilities of this.. Thank you marvel!

Take a look at what photoshoppers have done with that faked WTC last photo that was going around the net.. Great stuff!!

And to wrap it all up. I'm not sure if this made it thru the messed up post the other day or not.. But check out Herb Zipper.. The Cybah Lovah

OK.. that should make up for any lack of posts lately.. Hopefully that will keep you all busy for a bit..

Holy shit we are doomed..

I have foodtv on in the background while I am fucking around with this shit.. and they are doing this thing where they go into peoples houses and help them cook.. And the chef goes
"Now we are going to add a little chicken stock to add some flavor" And this monkey looking fucking housewife goes "Now.. Could you use water for that??"

Water does add a quite incredible flavor to your dishes.. Stupid fuck...

Hold tight

Ok.. I'm testing out some stuff hten I will post.. So hold tight for a little bit.. I may be moving away from using blogger..


Color Test

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text.  This color looks good for normal text. 

This color looks good for an unvisited link.
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This color looks good for a hover link if you are using CSS.

A couple quickies

Check out bugs bunny and elmer fudd in "The Matwix"

Yesterday George Lucas released the first teaser poster for Starwars episode II.. JOY!!

Ok.. More to come later.. Spy hunter for the PS2 ROCKS ASS!!!!!!! Its fucking awesome.. One of my friends brougt it over yesterday..

Drew is kewl!!!

jon, you are so going to love this. wednesday night, during the Drew Carey Show session premiere, he is doing another dance scene.

this itself is nothing new, but this time, it is to a song sung by Southern Culture on the Skids!!!!!

i hope you get to enjoy it.


Yadda yadda yadda

Ok.. I am working on a post.. Its been a few days but I didn't want another fucking three million link post to get eaten again..
If I started that email list where I sent links to your email again would anyone be interested?? It would be like a mini post maybe twice a day or so..
Drop a comment if you are interested...