12.27.2002

Merry two days after christmas

Things have been kind of hectic. Tons of running around for christmas and all that. I finally have a new computer, Now I just need to build up the funds to get the internet turned back on.
Now that I finally have a really nice computer that kicks ass I need some games. If any of you knows anyplace that I can download games from (iso would be nice) quickly please let me know. I have my computer at my brother in laws for the next day or so and I would like to grab some games before I go home and back to no internet. I need some sweet games to tide me over. Please email me if you know anywhere I can get some from fast.

Hopefully as soon as I get some internet posting will return to normal for once.


12.10.2002

Your ass is playdoh and I'm the fun factory!

Hey boys and girls.. I think everything that could have gone wrong has since I've last posted (Slightly over a month ago). I left my post at movie gallery. My computer has shit the bed (Harddrive died and screeches now). Life is poop. But.. Life is good too. Girl and I go for our ultrasound this friday so we will find out if its going to be a Jon Jr. Or a Jonina. So with no computer I have nothing cool to post. I'm actually posting from work which is helping my brother in law at his business selling games on ebay. So howc an you help me out you ask? Well. I've tried tons of things, the whole donate a dollar thing never panned out, blah blah you know how I allways beg for money.. Well this time its kind of better. Go buy stuff from us. We have games for all the major systems, and you can email us for stuff that we don't have and we can just cut ebay out completely. If you buy games through us instead of at the store or whatever then I make a little money and I can get my life in something resembling order and get my computer fixed. So please, if you play any video games buy them through us and help me out. We also have systems for sale, and everything we sell is brand new, in its factory seal. Use buy-it-now to get free shipping too.. joy!

I'll update more as I can..

-jon-

11.08.2002

What I hate about life

I hate how that no matter what time it is, I can be flipping through the channels.. and the fucking Anna Nicole Smith freakfest is on.. and no matter what else is on.. no matter what piece of cinamatic brilliance i was watching. I can't fucking help but watch the trainwreck on my screne of Anna Nicole and fucking beat myself over the head with a board..
argh.. I fucking hate it..

11.02.2002

10.29.2002

I've done it once again..

I am responsible for a nationwide dance craze.. the sniper dance my friends.. i know cory and scott will recognize its origins from me immediatly..

Get ready for the newest craze! Cockfighting.. I think this article has the best line "Its sad when your cock dies"

In the halloween spirit, and cause i constantly post these silly quizes.. have fun with the "which rocky horror character are you?" quiz!

Ever wonder what math sounded like??

An ex clinton aide is demanding the pentagon release information that they have about UFOs.. sweeeet

Oddly enough.. if you take a severed leg and hang it outside of your back door.. the police will soon show up.. amazing!

how stupid are kids today?? Don't they realize the value of money..Back in the day I never got shot with a tazer for less then 25 bucks.. and mace was at least 50....

HAHAHAH CHECK out the happy time blowjob bib!! fucking genius.. Oh man.. see it before it gets pulled.

Our creative team will come up with ideas you never even thought of. How could you? You don't have the talent we do. Don't take it personally. That's our job. That's what we do. We do stuff.

Learn some japanese sex slang to spice up your conversational skills.. or trucker jargon.. 10-4 good buddy...

ooooooooooooooo i would love for this to be my next car.....

Oh man.. this is one of the most disturbing kitchen utensils I have ever seen. I have to have one!!!

HAve you ever wanted to construct a pyramid?? Me either.. but if you do here is a pretty sweet game to do it...

Oh sweet god.. a knight rider game.. oh man..

Oh wow.. this is fucking sweet. .this guy built his PC INTO his desk.. fucking awesome...

Hmmmm. I wonder why they pulled this "Nick or treat" ad?? I think its pretty obvious...

oooooooooo glitch art.. I likey.. Any computer I use seems to produce this kind of stuff all the time..

I remember when this was the future of video games.. oh yes...

A list of funny things overheard at a STD clinic..

Send someone you love a pee-mail. I can't remember if i posted it before or not.. but click anyway...

ARe you ready to slavercise?? get the fat beaten out of you WORM!!!!

10.23.2002

10.22.2002

asdf my site is all messed up.. cause i'm a hippy and use absolute paaaaaaathhhhhhhhhhsssssssssssss blaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hi! I'm Sally, and I'm Johnny, and black people love us!!!

say it one more time.. say you love me..

10.07.2002

Nothing adds more flavor to more foods then the classic taste of FRECH'S Classic Yellow Mustard.

I couldn't think of a decent title for this post so I just copied some stuff off the back of this bottle of mustard that is sitting on my desk..

Check out this list of everything bart simpson has ever written on the blackboard..

Since I just started getting to watch TV again I recently have been seeing these new apple commercials, so I don't know how long they have been showing or if I should be suprised that the hotty stoner has her own fan site...
Also cause I like to rip on macs, here is a funny parody ad..


Scott.. You are going to fucking love this..

I think everyone needs cool 80s t-shirts like this kick ass Mr T one...


Learn to throw cards like a mofo and kills people with the ace of spades...

Well.. I gotta go make a run.. Hopefully I will be able to do a long post tommorow cause I have the day off on account of my getting double root canals...
FUN!!!

10.03.2002

Howdy Ho Neighbors!!!

Guess who got their internet turned back on!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Thats right kiddies! Its me!!!

I haven't been able to post the last couple days since I got everything hooked back up because girl has been very very very veyr sick and I have been putting all of my time and energy into helping her.. but.. i digress, most importantly I'm back.. and I got to say its good to be hooked up to the outside world.. I turn on the TV and Conan O'Brien is on Comedy central.. which is pretty cool.. I see a new guy hosting beat the geeks, and its all so new to me..

Ahhh well.. As you guys know I have a child on the way.. and most of you have been here through my whining and begging for money stages.. even though it really never paid off except for a few kind people.. Even when I was just asking for a buck a piece to make it worth my time that i was pouring into the site.. Well.. Now I with the kid on the way and the money situation being absolute shit now that I am only working part time.. I am resorting to hawking cool shit off on ebay.. Check out these listing for what I have up there right now, I'm selling it through girls brother and expect to see alot more newer stuff up there including PS2, Xbox, and gamecube games... so instead of asking for all of my good readers to just give me money.. how about you buy some of my stuff... But like I said.. keep checking it cause we will be putting new stuff on there daily..

but.. I have tommorow off.. so expect to see a long post tommorow boys and girls.. for now I have to get going to work

9.24.2002

DAD!!!

9.22.2002

Yeah!

Ok, I'll first start off by saying: Congradulations Jon and Girl! That kid is going to be so spoiled. lol.
Next I'll say: I might be without internet access here in a couple of days too :( It hurts!! aaahh the pain!!. I'm limping around on my dialup account for my old dsl account, but that will go down next Tuesday. And I really don't think there is a broadband provider covering the area of my new place.

Lastly I'll say: LAN Party at my place in 2 weeks(Oct 4th,5th and 6th.)
I just moved into a new place and I have TONS of freaking room. I don't know what to do with it all. So I decided to dedicate a weekend of it to a lan party. Basically anytime over the whole weekend is good. Plenty of room to crash if need be. I'll need to get a few tables/chairs. I have a 5 port hub, if someone could donate an extra one or two(there's some nice ones there at fng*hint hint* :)
Might not have internet access(as stated above).
Any and all welcome. Bring a friend or two. I should be able to fit around 18 ppl here(and more in the garage if needed). The place is real easy to get to. The hardest part would be loading/unloading your computer :D

Send interest, questions, comments, concerns, rants, raves and homosexual dinosaur porn to ntc3driver@hotmail.com

9.21.2002

Postcards from the edge.


Hello internet. Have I mentioned you have such lovely eyes?
Anyway. Thinks have been busy.. I'm going to be a daddy.. thats right.. and I want to let you know that there were no furry suits involved with the conception.. Well.. I don't think it was that time at least...
But.. i digress.. Its for sure.. we had the blood test, now its 9 months of watching my wifes belly mature with our baby in it.. and then out pops a baby jon to terrorize the world afresh and continue my legacy of carnage and mayham...

anyway.. until i get the internet back at my house.. which will be when my money tree I planted last year starts to sprout I guess you will have to do without my witty and insane take on the going ons of the world.. in the mean time go to www.google.com and look up "Furry porn" and pretend I linked to it.. or if you really wanted me back go donate a dollar or to in the amazon thing and I will be everything I get through that towards getting the internet back..

Well.. more later my friends.. go watch Frailty if you get the jones to watch a good very spooky and well directed movie..




9.19.2002

Update: Jon Is Offline

Hey guys, I spoke with Jon a few days ago and it appears he is going to be offline for awhile. It also seems that he may be a daddy after awhile. I havent confirmed if Jamie is pregnant or they are planning on it or not.

So posts may still trickle in from Jon and other contrib's, just keep an eye out. And in the mean time - masturbate for world peace.

8.22.2002

Bling Blog

I fucking looooooooooooovvvvvvvvve mission hill.. I wish it was still in production.. go download all of the episodes off of kazaa and thank me later..

Affirmation Bullshit Generator for Sensitive New Age Guys

Check out the adventures of the ninja massage therepist.. Good for a quick laugh..

I think I have found the training program that the shover robots use to train to push old ladies down the stairs... Check this shit out.. the entire point of this game is to shove this guy down the stairs..

Check out this page for a big list of quotes from starwars that could be taken out of context..

Man.. I feel like such a total geek.. I am really considering takeing part in a NERO event.. I have never LARPed before and it actually sounds quite fun... There is a group in ohio and a group closer in Michigan... Anyone else interested in maybe checking it out?

well.. I am gonna go watch a movie and clean the house and cook breakfast.. I will be back to post again later today..


8.21.2002

ERF

God.. I hate being awoken by the phone, and it being my work, which I despise anyways. And then haveing someone ring my doorbell over and fucking over while I hastily throw on some pajamas and try to crawl down the stairs and then after they get tired of ringing my fucking doorbell they start to pound on the door and scream like a friggin banshee. Well.. they didn't really scream, but I felt like it..

If any of you go to toledo and visit the friendlys there and have some of their "delicious" food or drink of their "refreshing" coke, I would like to you take a HUGE fucking dump in their urinal...
I went there for the first time the other day with my wife, and her brother and his wife, after we went and saw austin powers 3 and we were looking forward to a nice meal. Our waitress seated us at a booth, and their booths are tiny, I'm large but I can usually squeeze into most booths without being too uncomfortable, especially since I have been losing some weight, but their booths were really really small. So when the waitress came back, we asked if we could move to a table so I would be a little less cramped. And then she proceeded to prod my fucking stomach... And as she was moving us she annouces pretty much to the entire store "there, you should have a little more room over here big guy" and she says to the people with me "I know what its like, my daughter is about as fat as he is".
Friendlys, servinv your meal with a heaping helping of public embarassment..

This band could possibly be the greatest christian rock parody band EVER!!!!!!! Check them out for some great christian versions of your favorite songs.. With such greats as "The real Sin Saver" sung to the tune of the real slim shady...

The impotent sea snakes, The FUCKING GREATEST TRANSVESTITE ROCK BAND EVER!!! Check their site here too

Oh god this guy makes me want to buy a water pik sooooooooo badly!!!. Read his other reviews too!!!

Will austin powers be able to sell gas like a mother fucker? We will soon find out.. Spidey sure as fuck could..

I'm not completely positve why someone would desire a urkle-mobile so badly, but I guess to each his own. Its cool nonetheless..

Mr. T Pitys my webpage..

HAve you ever wondered how you could tatoo a goats ass? Well now you know!! thanks internet!!

Oh my god.. this would be even funnier if it wasn't real.. As it is though, these are definatly some of the greatest and scariest alblums EVER

Oh my god my christmas list is now complete!!! I have to have one of these!!. It says and I quote "Helps hot boning". And you know thats what I am all about..
In fact there are so many fucking great toys on this site.. Check out the rest of my liist here and here and here and here

Here is a link to that coooooooool babelizer thingy that runs a phrase through bablefish until it gets all whacked out.. fun!

The king of jews for the king of beers!

EXTREME PEANUTBUTTER AND JELLY!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Its been a year allmost now so i think its safe to post this.. Its funny as shit regardless...

Well.. Its time for me to go into my job that I hate for another 10 plus hour work day.. You guys enjoy this post, which was brought to you by the letters Z, L, and 3.

8.17.2002

Comedy Central blew it on this one.......

I don't know how many people watched Comedy Central's Contest Searchlight last night and when ever else it was on, but it was STUPID!

I think that they were going for some sort of "reality TV" show that showes how hard it is in the tv industry or something. If you aren't familiar with the premis, here is a bit of background.

Normal everyday people send in their ideas for a tv series and you get to look behind the scenes at what actually goes on when a tv channel tries to put together a new show. At the begining you see Dennis Leary come into work all pissed off and wanting to know why the cameras are in his office and running around like a complete asshole. He very much reminded me of every single dickhead boss i ever worked for in my entire life all rolled up into one moron.

Anyway, you get to see what happens when he "forgets" that the show is actually happening and then John Stewart backs out of costarring and they have to find a replacement. Dennis and the crew are frantically calling everyone in the book trying to find someone to do this project and of coarse no one wants too.

I was buying it for a while until they showed the 10 semi finallists at the party they threw where they were going to announce the 3 who got selected from those 10.

I'm sorry, but if you are going to make what is supposed to be a "reality show" about real people trying to make it in show business, you CAN NOT use an actor that has been in a couple movies before! In the group of 10 semi finalists there was one black dude who was wearing a dashiki and at first i didn't recognize him. But they were doign this whole Real World thing where the individuals would get solo time in from of the camera and had to do a journal type thing. When he did his, it turned out to be Dwight Ewell who played Hooper X in Chasing Amy. He also has quite the filmography accourding to IMDB.

So, if anyone thought that this was all real forget about it.

8.13.2002

Neocron Goes Public Beta

Just an update to all you fellow geeks out there. Yes, Neocron has gone public beta. Visit the neocron forums to find out where to download your copy. Test will continue through the end of the month. After testing is complete, the game will be released and there will be a 6 week FREE playing period.

So far I think this game rocks. Imagine combining DAoC with Dues Ex(ok, some ppl didn't like it, but I did :P ). and throw in a wicked economy and you have Neocron. There are some things that are not in the game right now. The stock market, vehicles and a few small things are not in the game completely yet, but there are signs of them everywhere. The hoverbikes look bad ass. The game is a little slow to start, but what MMORPG isn't.

Well, I was going to post screenies of my apartment in the game, but I can't log into my ftp account.

Download it NOW! :P

7.26.2002

Merry Christmas!

Yay!! I'm sleepy

Wesley Willis would like you all to have a merry christmas. Rock over london! Rock on Los Angelas

Drink from the penis cup and learn all about funky cold medina..

Wheelbarrow freesyleeeeeeeee BOYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I watched Kung Pow the other day and I really enjoyed it.. One interesting thing on the dvd that I found out about was that Steve Oedekerk (besides being behind a million really funny things) was the guy responsible for the thumb wars video and will be releasing a DVD of thumb movies sometime this year.. that would fucking rock! There is actually even a clip from thumbwars hidden on the dvd... On the bad side he is also partly responsible for Juanna Man.... But I guess everyone makes some bad decisions.. Cause his next movie Bruce Almighty sounds like it has alot of potential..

Well.. its time to head off and have my employee meeting again at 8:30 in the morning.. kick ass...

asdfasd

7.08.2002

Alive and blogging

Been really super busy the last week or so.. I had my first employee meeting tonight and had to kick some ass.. Tommorow I start with all the manager stuffs..
Hopefully I will have some more time to blog once shit gets settled down..
Since only two people were into my porn extravaganza idea how would me just selling shit like movie posters and other cool shit (and porn) on ebay super cheap be? Anyone out there interested?
well
more later..

6.25.2002

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY I GOT MAIL!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY

Crank Yankers is now one of my most favorite TV shows EVER

Only two people are interested in a porn extravaganza contest?
How about some kind of other contest?

You best check your feces!

One of the greatest apple ads EVER!

6.21.2002

I got the funk in my trunk..

And I just had to take a shower to get it all off of me...

Man.. Thats pretty gross...

So.. Since I last posted I have gotten my own store to manage.. I will soon be the manager at the Hillsdale Movie Gallery.
MGA Inc Happens to be americas largest hard core sex video rental chain.. Which you have no idea how much that excites me..

Christ! If I had knowen that pirating software was going to get my fat ass sucked into my computer then I would have never started years ago.. OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How much is your poop worth?

Which Torture method am i?

Ooooooooooooo Shiney Shiney Shiney flash!

Its comforting to know that last week we allmost got assfucked by a asteroid..

I just put in my order for my robotic exoskeleton, my budget rail gun home kit, and 100 henchperson uniforms. I have to save up for the secret lair though... I think I will be going for the orbiting space station... All avaible at villian supply dot com
Maybe you don't want to go for the full gusto of ruling the world.. check out henchjobs.com and get in at the ground floor..

Find out the science behind all of your favorite superheros.. How could spidey really walk up walls, how can supes leap over tall buildings in a single bound?

TEst your science IQ

Check out this site with tons of bad movie physics.. Fun shit..

Fuck that job... A very very good site about the fucked up-ness of finding a job now-a-days

Now.. I need your input.. every one of you fuckers reading this I need your honest input and I need your commets in the comment thingy at the end of this post.. Who would bite on a contest or two? I have several ideas. One free/cheap for some pretty cool shit.. the other slightly more expensive (I'm thinking a few bucks donation per ticket) for a HUGE ASS STASH OF BRAND NEW UNOPENED PORN DVDS and VHS and generally cool movie shit.. I dunno.. Maybe something similar for non-porn movies (vhs and DVD) too... Just trying to come up with some ideas to keep shit cool here and keep people interested...
Please drop a comment at the end of this post and let me know...



6.17.2002

I gotta question

How do you guys feel about my posts now? Do they stand up in quality to the oldschool JonsNews?
Sometimes I feel like I am running out of words and its just link link link.. Thats why I have to take breaks sometimes because it seems to me like my old posts would allways have tons of talking and stuff and links too.. I dunno..

It looks like even Kevin Bacon is involved with terrorist activity!

Somewhere deep down inside it bothers me that someone found my site searching for this..

Woah! Its porn star action figure!

Have any of you heard about this diskT@2 yet? Oh man.. I just figured out that if you pronounce it its disk tatoo.. sweeeeeeeet

Hmmm Is this shit true about a jpg virus?

Weird clips of sentances heard in passing. Cool shit..

Oh man.. is it?? could it be?? the weirdest fetish I have EVER FOUND EVER!! OH YES!! OH HELL YES!! This crazy MOFO apparently has a quicksand fetish!!

Diary of a cat/diary of a dog

check out this crazy cat flash video.. it borders on freaky..


OMFG!!!! PETERPAN AND TINKERBELL BROKE UP!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Oh yeah.. and please do yourself a favor and check out the PixyFriends page...

This is quite possibly the best way to make soup ever!

This is BY FAR one of the weirdest music videos I have ever seen..


This is quite possibly the worst fursuit that I have ever seen.. I don't know how someone could think he is going to get some freaky fursuit sex in this one..

Bible Sex Facts - yes folks.. it is ok to nail you wife with the old dildo! God wants you to...

All of the worlds conspiracys wrapped up in one easy to read gif..

Looks like you'll be able to pick yourself up a flying car for only about 50,000 dollars soon..

Now you too can cook with Christopher Walken!!


Here are the lyrics to all the great demeted songs that I (and I would imagine some of you) used to listen too.. Fishhead.. fishheads... BOOT TO THE HEAD!

I think this is the coolest fantasy league that I have ever seen.. Pick your favorite fugitive from justice and score points!

Welp, I'm gonna get going and play some baldurs gate before worksi and maybe watch rollerball too.. later.. enjoy da links.

6.14.2002

You'll be selling books at the airport..

I know their used to be this crazy site that did all sorts of crasy shit that scott used to be pretty entertained by.. I think he will like this one..


Heres some naked magic for you:
Did you know that there's a small tube that runs from the uppermost point of the inside of the foreskin, through the body cavity, and out the intestine? It's true!
This can be demonstrated -- nothing up my sleeve! -- by tucking a small handkerchief up inside a foreskin, massaging gently, and then removing it from the rear. To demonstrate -- and prove that no sleight of hand is involved -- the magician AND his lovely assistant are 100% NAKED for the entire trick!


Last night the TV station TRIO was showing a uncensored version of the Martin Scorsese Movie 'The Last Temptation of Christ'. It was my first time ever watching it and I have to say it was very much worth staying up and seeing. With a all star cast such as Willem Dafoe as Jesus of Nazareth, and Harvey Keitel as Judas it was a seriously kick ass movie. Willem Dafoe was allso awesome in the recently released Boondock saints. Its also odd that at the bottom it says that if you liked this movie you should see Donnie darko. I am obsessed with Donnie Darko. I have seen it about 10 times in the last couple months.. its one of the greatest movies ever.. I mean.. How many movies does the IMDB list in 5 different generes. And can you think of any movie ever with a giant rabbit named Frank from a alternate dimenions/the future that is predicting the end of the world? I didn't think so... And the soundtrack kicks my ass repeatedly up and down the street..

We have allready seen the bangbus. Where they go pick up guys to have sex with chicks.. well.. what about the baitbus.. Where the tag line is what does it take for a straight guy to go gay?

Deep sea creatures have allways interested me. I had never heard of the " Vampyroteuthis infernalis" (vampire squid from hell) until i read this article though...

Little did I know that all these years when cory was sticking his finger in our cats ass and going "bloop" he was actually making the mating call of Cthulu

I've been reading the AS&S catalog for a really really really long time.. its great to see i'm not the only geek out there that digs this shit.. Read about Matt from X-E's recent trip to their store!

Its the action figure you all have been wanting for years.. I know everyone reading this is going to go out and buy this super awesome kick ass figure!

Take pictures of your tech pit and send them in and compare your desk mess to everyone elses...

I need to talk about something that gives me a complete and total boner. I have a thing for caves and underground civilazations. I love reading about the green childern of St Martins land, or the theories of the Hollow Earth Organization. But finding out that there is actually a civilzation budding under Moscow kicks ass!!!. But my Fascination doesn't end with just caves and spelunking. I also love reading about urban infiltration and exploration. I also like the modern ruins site as well...I am reading the Minneaplis Drain Archive right now too and its really quite good!. I also dig on Centralia, Pa, and no mention of centralia is complete without a link to my friend Bnibs site about it. And once you've read through these sites (Or not as your prediliction may be) Check out the hub for the webring for tons of more sites...


Oh god.. I just ran across these crazy dilbert comics.. I think I spit SODA out of my nose the first time I read this shit..

100 holes!!!!! Some hot.. some wet.. but all gaping for your viewing!!!

BUT!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT BUGS BUNNY!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

OOOOOOOOOOO KARTOO IS THE COOLEST SEARCH ENGINE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! SHINEY!!!!!!

The giant keyhole nebula finger of friendship!!!!!

'Reckless' Ned Kelly was really a bulletproof australian outloaw.. Not just another wonderful Yahoo Serious movie...

Just in case you guys are all thinking that I am forgetting you I got your BLECH OF THE DAY right here

Monkeywire.. Allmost as great as cowblog

Adult webmaster school!!!

Ninjas shut down local highway!!!

Manson or Tyson?? You decide!!

Well.. I started this post at 5 AM this morning.. Its 2:49 in the evening and I gotta go get ready for work.. enjoy the links lads and ladies..

6.13.2002

Two long slow naps later

I'm back...

Fuck the sims. Its the osborns..

I am a evil genius. Check out some more fun quizes here..

Chat pranks are great.. Check out what this "whacky 14 year old girl" chats about.. Like having Zeus' baby!

This one goes out to sam and eli wherever in this crazy world they are.. Not that I think they are reading my site since I started it after both of them left..

Check out this guys unusual fortune cookie collection..


Fuck PGP for encoding your secure emails.. code them in spam!!!

me and my monkey in thirty-two locations

Oh boy do I ever have some weird shit for you boys and girls out there.. How about:
Iron Chef PORN!!!
Sesame Street porn????
Oh dear lord. Garfield porn too!!!

Well.. I am going to cut this one short and head to bed.. look for another post tommorow before work...

I am going to make a old dirty bastard bomb and drop it from the wu-tang plane

I'm about fucking sick of hearing about the dirty bomb.. What we need is a good crew with some soap..

Excuse me.. I can't hear you.. I seem to have a arachnid in my ear...

Its good to see someone out there is keeping the old crazy hostess comic ads alive and out there for people to view.. some great stuff... Also check here for a little history about the ads..

"Our life-sized cocks are hand painted and include enough meticulous details to fool even the most ardent cock fancier. And all our cocks come with a lifetime guarantee! If they ever stop standing up you will get a full refund!"

I don't care what you say! Its soda!! Pop is a fucking noise.. Pop is what my knees do.. "Excuse me sir, would you care for some refreshing BOING??"

I never realized the Nuge kicked so much ass.. Ted nugent says some incredibly intelligent things in this interview... He even has me wanting to start hunting again...

Oh yes friends its once again time for the 7th Anal Kris Kross Day.


Now you can get that little dangly thingy in the back of your mouth pierced!! YAAAAA

The big list of goofy names!

OHHH I so want the perfect sideburns. Speaking of sideburns a week or two ago some crazy fella came into the store and was all tattooed up like like Manson on his arm, swastikas on his forehead and CATS WHISKERS AND EYELASHS AND SIDEBURNS TATTOOED ON!!!! it was really super creepy.. and he was looking for old black and white movies. But still not as disturbing as the guy who came in awhile ago looking for the R Kelly porn....

Its an orgy at the sims house. Sounds like something cory and I would have done back in our sims torture chamber days..

PORN FOR THE BLIND!!!

I had no idea there was so much bondage in the comic books

Here are some quick superhero fantasies for you too

Umm I gotta go.. A scantily clad girl just walked by the computer room.. I'll post later after my nap...

6.11.2002

Milking anal sacs for fun and profit

I feel bad for stickfigure warning man. He has the shittiest job in the world...

I allways had this odd idea that I would love to live in a grain silo.. I think it would be the shit. Have like a 6 story house. And some of those suckers are kinda big so you could fit a couple rooms on some of the floors. But I'm not that great with heights so maybe a missle silo is a better idea...

OH MY SWEET ASS THIS IS THE COOLEST TRANSFORMER VIDEO EVER!!! WATCH IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its the flugeldufel Techno Teddy!!

I bet each and every one of you guys is out there wondering "jeeze.. If I was in rainbow bright world which character would I be??" I know I spend my days and nights thinking about it.. So go here and find out..

Accidental video game porn RULES!!!

Oooooooooo Behold the gourdspeaker!!!

This is about the only origami that I am capable of making. I could never stretch my mind around the erotic origami here.

OH GOD!! COMPUTER TOO CUTE!! MUST RESIST BUYING!! ARGGGGGGH

I know I got down on superhero movies yesterday, but I can't help but love em'. I mean.. I'm still a kid at heart and nothing thrills me like a good comic come to movie.. Hell I will probably even watch the wondersuck twins movie.. But. Click here for all the hype on all the great superhero movies coming soon..

Well.. I am off to go watch a couple movies and play some medal of honor before work.. tally ho!

6.10.2002

One link to rule them all, and in boredom bind them.

Stare in wonder and amazement at the JAPANESE ASCII PENIS HEADED CAT MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 So great it makes me want to jizz onto the ascii moon!!!

WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THATS GOOD DOES THERE HAVE TO BE GHOSTBUSTER PORN?!?!?!?!?!?

We are the corkdolls.. I dunno why.. I just find it odd...

OH MY GOD!!! I think I found the answer to all my health problems!!! Make sure to get a good look at the pictures!!!

I was talking to this robot online and I asked what a penis was, and it told me that it was the male organ used to excrete waste and for sex. I then asked it what sex was, it told me that Freud said that sex was the mathmatical urge repressed. So I asked what math was and it told me that it was a service that catholics went to... So I guess that the penis is basically a tool you use to pray with...

Buckaroo Bindlestiffs Wild West Gender Bender Jamboree!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!!!!!!!!!!!

You finding ling lings head?

KiKis House of erotic pets!! Fun stuff!!

MY WEBSITE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

WHY DOES MY DOG SCOOT?!?!?!?!?!?

jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop This is definatly something I could get behind.. The only documented sightings are in ohio too!! Hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmm This upcoming TV show seems like it has some potential, if the WB doesn't kill it.. I just got done watching the trailer and it certainly does have some potential...

Well.. Its over.. The reign of good comic book movies is done for.. Thanks hollywood for killing my dreams.. We need this like we need a new AirBud movie...

This site is quite possibly one of the best places to go on the internet for gay robot information!!!

Here is a very interesting way to spruce up the view from your window...

Shit.. well its time for work.. Tally Ho and all that good stuff.. Be sure to check out the eclipse tonight at sunset..

6.07.2002

Flying naked men and more.

You gotta love crazy ass fads in Japan. And here you thought negative ions werent good for anything.

Is mobile phone text messaging getting out of hand ? *Looks at message on cell phone* ""Plez send help quick, man with club chasing me on the ice flow."

Puberty at 30,000 feet in this new X-Box ad that got banned because 136 viewers dont like seeing people getting shot into graves at mach 1[Real Media File] !

And if you are looking for a good stunt team to amaze your friends at your parties that can not only do a 3 and a half flip over fire, but can also spread the word of God, dont miss these guys. These and other fun Jesus odities can be found at your local Jesus Museum.

You need your Clit Stimulator balanced and installed ?

You remember that nice old teacher in school who always had a spare pencil for you cuz you were a total loser and forgot yours all the time ?

I always wanted to read a poem with the word coccyx in it.

I miss naughty Napster Land. They had a cool logo.

And to complete this little romp, the page I use as my homepage !

6.04.2002

I enjoy falling over and punching myself.

As I sit here in pain and cruisin for new wallpapers, I thought I would drop in and post a couple of links.

This isnt your typical cute kitty wallpaper.

And this link is for you Madrat =) The X-Box has been hacked.

And to finish up, if you want to get into some serious wallpaper, then cover your actual walls !

Okay off to watch the old Batman on TV Land and try to get some sleep.

6.01.2002

Saturday afternoon and I stink ...

Well dear readers, it is Saturday afternoon and my body is producing a horrible odor, so I am going to jump in the shower - but first some links for you to enjoy !

I have listened to streaming radio stations via Shoutcast off and on since it began, and found some rather good ones. One in particular is WolfFM. Now if you want all the cool songs that streaming stations play, download this handy ripper plugin for WinAmp and piss off the RIAA !

And to enjoy these cool new tunes and all audio from your PC snag these speakers. I am not a big fan of Logitech products and they have seem to overrate these (like saying there is a 400w sub when its really only 188) but for the price/performance you cant help but want to step up into these THX 4.1 certified speakers. Oh and buy a set for me.

Let's face, the net is weird. Hell JonsNews is sort of a Nexus for the strange of the net, so why stop now. BEWARE OF FISHULA !

And now I will wrap up with some quick game links. The Sims Online interview. And since I got an X-Box now, I am just jizzing over everything X-Box, I just dont know if Nyko's new controllers will dry the jiz on your hands or just the sweat [pdf]. Oh and if you suck and have a PS2, they have these controllers for you too.

And I leave you with a new screenshot from the upcoming X-Box RPG: Project Ego !

5.31.2002

Just a quick post ...

Check out this new radio station in Seattle ! It only plays 7 seconds of a song and gives the number of it on so you can look it up on their website. I am listening to it now and ... uh its very strange.

Now that I have an X-Box I am so in love with it. And especially glad I waited for the price to come down and I saved $100 on it. hehe It seems Microsoft has some major cool plans for it =)

And finally ... go and download Spider-Man The Movie 2 !!!

5.24.2002

Not going to let the fun end ...

I was going to open this store as soon as I had enough money saved up.

Hey bartender ! Gimme a Satan's Semen !

Drink your Satan's Semen and lock yourself indoors, GTA3 is out for the PC ! Also I am so glad the XBox is down to $200 cuz I want STEEL BATTALION !! Look at the fucking controller for it ! Speaking of controllers, if you dont like your plat's controller, check these guys out ! They have some fat ass Marvel game stuff too =)

Man first the British took away the people's guns, now look you cant even keep your underwear !

Want to get on Battlebots but are too lazy ? Well then turn your laptop into a fucking robot to get you a beer.

Or if you are the ambitious type, find a schmuck with a big yard and build your own life size Millenium Falcon !

I am going to sign off now and install Internet v2.0 everywhere near me because they just set a new speed record, 625 megabytes over 7608 miles in 13 MOTHER FUCKING SECONDS !!! OH GOD !!!!!!!

5.18.2002

Episode 2

I just got back from the theater and ... WOW !!!

This one makes Episode 1 look like a Saturday morning cartoon. But now after watching this one, I see how important much of Episode 1 was to build a foundation to go off of. The love story was done very well, but seemed a bit rushed. The fight scenes were off the page. In the latest trailor where you see a bunch of Jedi in the arena getting attacked from all sides was simply astounding ! And most importantly you begin to see how destructive Anikan allows himself to become when left unchecked.

Just remember ...

Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

And Yoda will kick anyone's fucking ass !

His fight scene in Jabba's palace with Jango Fett rocked ! He was flipping all over the place and going CRAZY and Jabba kept swatting at him like he was a fly. I still dont understand why they killed off Obi Wan. And it wasnt a "hmmm he might have lived type thing", he was cut from shoulder to groin in half -- So I guess the later Obi is a clone. Speaking of Clone's, the clone troopers themselvers were bad as fuck too. My favorite scene in the whole movie though was when Darth Sideous tried to instruct Jar Jar in the ways of the Dark Side - Jar Jar did this little Jedi type flip thing and landed and his pants fell down and then they just show Darth Sideous slapping his forehead. It was great ! BTW - FUCK YOU JON, None of this last part happened !! LOL !!

5.15.2002

HeroClix

This game has quickly taken my life by storm
All I do when I get on the computer is read about it
When I'm not on the computer or in the forums on HCrealms then I am messing around with my figures or building stuff like terrains and buildings and props

I haven't even browsed a website other then something heroclix related for about a month now
I have a entire box of boosters coming my way and I don't plan on sleeping this weekend. Jamies brother is getting a case of boosters too and is coming down this weekend and it will be a marvel-rific time.

If any of you's guys is interested in getting into this incredible game let me know.. jonsnews@vectorstar.net



5.04.2002

I have seen god

And he is Sam Raimi
Spiderman was fucking incredible!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a two hour orgasm...
Except for the organic webspinners, but that was kinda ok.. I think I may be able to live with that.
And them Killing off Aunt May and Mary Jane in the first movie.. that really sucked... It really went away from the comic book continuity. I mean.. Aunt May was allways kind of there, but in a not really knowing way. And he is supposed to be with MJ in the comics...

And the part with mary jane and the green goblin, when she started to fall in love with him.. I don't know.. I really didn't think that fit...

But all and all it was a good movie. There were a few little things in there that really pleased me.. Small semi-cameos and mentions of stuff that happens in the comic or that I realised would unfold..

By the way.. Pretty much all the spoilers I wrote above are lies, and are just intended to get back at cory for that fake news story him and Jim sent me way back in the day..

4.23.2002

Oh shit

Sweet baby mike in a basket. SPiderman the movie, the game is fucking awesome!!! That would be the reason behind the lack of posts, that and noone lives forever.. But heres a post for you because I have found the strenght to put down the controller for a moment or two..

So.. On with it!

The hacked ROM reviews over on IMockery are fucking great.. Go read about the classic NES game MEgacrap and the wonderful Nude Punchout!

Man.. I used to love the little M.U.S.C.L.E. guys you could buy.. man.. that was back in the 80's right??Weird that I can remember that.. heheh I used to have fucking boxes of these fuckers..

"Oh Honey! Pull my pussy lips apart
and take the tip of your tongue and
spell the alphabet on my clit!"

I don't know why you would want wav files of women saying this kind of stuff.. but...
Oh yeah.. make sure you look around on that site for awhile cause there are some true fucking jems like this:
"Tonight I'm going to lap
dance every midget in the house!"

And if that gets you worked up.. then run and get yourself a pengal!

This drew carrey fan fiction site was definatly runner up for the blech of the day.. However BUTCHDADDY took the cake today.. BLECH OF THE DAY

Oh god.. I found some more totally blech sites that deserve linking.. so check out this one first
Then check out PENIS RULER!!! I know.. I know.. your expecting some wacky Sci Fi about the master or the penis aliens.. but.. sorry..
Then we have The KegelMaster 2000 (TM) Their URL is definatly the BOMB.. It was actually one of my first choices, but it was allready taken..

This is a pretty fun game.. "Watch out behind you"!!! Careful or you'll catch one in the ass...

Oh shit.. We so used to do this to noobs on IRC all the time.. Good times...

Which highschool stereotype are you? SUPRISE!! I was a geek!!

Want to know how much porn is in a printer cartridge?

I SOOOOOOOOOOO want one of these so I can wreck Havoc anywhere any time!!!

Would you care for a robot for your house? I think I would..

All about electronic masturbation

Now don't go shoving real grenades in your ass.. Get these military sex toys instead!

Lord of the rings fans.. start your drooling..

WOAH!! Ice cream with alchol in it!!!


well.. I gotta go get ready for work.. later gators..

4.19.2002

Love is still the answer take my hand
The vision fades a voice I hear
Listen to the madman!
But still I fear and still I dare not
Laugh at the madman!


Fuck it.. I have three blechs of the day and I am gonna start right out off the start with them
BLECH
BLECH
BLECH

I wonder if this is really Christopher Walkens journel.. If not its still entertaining..

Judging by this review the Shaq PPV roasts are the best thing to ever happen to television!

Let me get this right... This lady built a church.. out of legos.. for her cat?!?!!?

Ever want to pluck someone elses nose hairs.. if so.. your weird.. but this site lets you do it.. sicko! I do however believe that watching someone pluck their nose hairs can be one of the funniest things in the world.. Ask the guys at tech support how great it was to watch joel pluck his..

Father and Son take a trip to porn land and live to write about it for the NYPress...

Manties. This is just wrong.. We don't need someone out there making Panties for men...

I need to start hanging around weed killer!!!

WOAH!!! The entire first season of Transformers on DVD!!! I WANT!!!

I've maintained for quite awhile that Kazaa is about the best file sharing software around.. Even though its loaded with spy ware and lots of bad stuff.. I just can't get reliable downloads with any of the other programs.. Luckily there is KAZAA LITE!!! (read: kazaa with the bad shit ripped out) So go download a copy today and get sharing.. Between that and the B3D killer and adaware my system should be shiney clean and not have 53 instances of spyware anymore!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo I think I just found my new favorite band.. They are called Twink!! they rock hard!!!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!!! Don't ask.. I just found it retardedly amusing..

For the first time in the history of the planet, ancient yogic secrets of healing energy are available to all, regardless of social status, income, religion, age, sex, or species. Higher Consciousness... It's Not Just For Humans Anymore

KomicWerks is a very cool site filled with tons of rfeally good net comics.. I highly suggest you check it out.. its becoming a daily visit for me.. That and its 'got too much coffee man' on it

NO!!! SWEET GOD!!! PLEASE SAY IT ISN'T ALF PORN!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AHHHHHHH and I keep finding this shit.. I get get weird stuff to stop coming to me! HELP!!

I'm quite suprised this drive thru crackhouse isn't in ohio.. The land of the thousand drive thrus..

I think I may have linked miserable melodies before.. But I am going to link it again because I have been having fun there again lately listening to all this great old crap...

If you like mini golf like i do.. then I suggest you check out winigolf... its quite fun!

I very much enjoyed the Upright Citizens brigade while it was on Comedy central... Its good to see they are still doing great stuff.. One of their members phone numbers is one digit off from the tech support place.. so hilartiy ensues!

OOOOOOOOOOoo the virtual stapler!

I like how I as just visiting hollywood.com to see if I could preorder my spiderman tickets and I got a pop up window for purina dog chow.. talk about well targeted advertising..

Extreme croquet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Do you live in the ghetto and can't have a garden? then check out the carden!

Ever been sitting there really really really late at night and wondering "Gee, what informercial should i watch right now?" well.. This site does all the hard work for you and reviews them so you can cut straight to the good stuff. And thanks to Jay I know that Parsley is the third most nutritious food on planet earth

I have some new time cube shit for you guys too!!! I know your excited!! Check out this creepy MP3!! I know scott and cory will enjoy it!! then check out I know scott and cory sent me stuff about the lecture at MIT he did.. well I found MOVIES OF IT!!! OH YES!! SEE AND HEAR GENE RAY SPEAK!!! Click here for more pictures and a couple more movies.. but that first link has the entire two hour lecture!!! Click here for a review as well.. I am sooooo waiting patiently for this shit to download..


Check out some cool ass custom cds! more here and here and here too

Well.. I am watching a little of this gene ray debate before work.. Stay tuned..

4.14.2002

How about a steaming plate of steak and taters with links on the side?

I think I may have posted this WAY back in the day.. but check out netmaster 10baseT

Buckle down and play god with this game!

a quick bit o engrish

ABBA could possibly be the dumbest band ever!! They just turned down a BILLION DOLLARS to reunite!

BLOODY MIDGET HARDCORE WRESTLING!

BLECH

Ok.. thats it for now.. I gotta run to the store.. hopefully will post again later today
BYE!


4.11.2002

Two wacky guys trying to eek out a living in this wacky frontier town.

My title for this today is my latest pitch to TV execs for a fun filled family sitcom. I think at least 50% of all sitcom descriptions contain the word wacky.
So here I am trying to write my every day fly-in-the-face-of-convention scoop of internet funk, and its going well.. Until I actually open up my program and stare blankly for about 5 minutes trying to think of a title.. then I progress past the title and get to the meat and potatoes and I begin to wonder, Is it "fly" the noun, or "fly" the verb. Is it like.. "OOOOO there is a fly buzzing in my face of convention"? Or is it "I'm going to fly up into the face of convention and go oooga booga booga"?

Now.. just to say why I've had the total slackitude on posts lately.. lets just say I discovered a site that carried warez copys of slightly older games that I can actually play, like worms, and shit like that.. And someone made the mistake of intrudcing me to Uplink.. which is a totally cool as fuckall game.. I became slightly addicted to that..

Anywho.. On with the fly links

Joelogon's Foolproof Guide to Making Any Woman Your Platonic Friend


Personatlity and breast shape.. Are they tied together? What do your breasts say about you?

I know most of you are probably as excited about the spiderman movie as I am.. So go here to check out all the cool spiderman toys that are out.. Did I mention I bought the movie custume figure that has like 23-408923-40923- to the 3rd power points of articulation and it comes with a wall mountable gargoyl that just looks awesome..

Sweet!! Get down and go print out your own ASCII porn calander!!

Society For the Preservation of Gravity. Hurry quick before its too late!!!!!!

MMMMMMMMMM I wanna get me some Chicken CAndy!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM HHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM

THE EROTIC JOURNAL OF MARTHA STEWART


EVerybody loves funny signs! I guess...

Are you a nerd and need to work out a little? Then check out the nerdgym!

And then check out David Hasselhoff performing hooked on a feeling and lose your will to live...

For my birthday this year I would love a meatcake!

I don't get it.. why would someone pay 50 dollars to watch some chick smash plastic cars with her feet?

Be Attractive the Classic Maya Way

Things go bad when office supplies attack!!!!

Weirdart is good.. Especially weird wallpapers for your computer!

Leotard Skynyrno! The ultimate japanese tribute band!!

Its the killer rabbit from the holy grail!!!

WAnt to take over the world, but too lazy to develop your own evil plan.. there is help for you!

UMMMMMMM this is just weird...

OH GOD!!!!!! Guess who now controls the one ring?!?!?!?!?!?

There is something wrong with jumping rope with barbed wire...

This is what it sounds like, when a drive dies...

Hey scott.. Guess what? You can turn your GBA into a webserver!!!

Adding and Subtracting. Quite possibly the most extreme body modification I have EVER seen!

ARRRRRRRRRRRR The top 15 pirate pickup lines!!!!!!!!

Just a few more months until this guy time travels.. oh yes...
In fact.. I think it would be the shit to dress up all back to the futurish and run up to him and be like"Listen! I'm from the future, you cannot visit yourself in a different time so I have made the journey for you!!!" Actually quite a interesting page... I think someone needs to alert Gene RAy!!!

Are you dave gorman?!?!! God.. I watched this on BBC america awhile ago and its so fucking funny... And now he is turning his sights to greater searchs!

And to nicely flambe this toss up to the crap on the web we have a nice creme brublechoftheday!!!!!!!!!!

It was a hard decision between that site or this one.. Lemme know in the comments which was blechier

4.09.2002

I got the fever !

And the only cure is more cow bell ... er I mean Jon.

Jon where the hell are you ? Crazy stuff is going down all over the internet and we need a zaney, fly-in-the-face-of-convention, man like you to dish us the latest steamin's scoop of Internet funk.

That is unless this hiatus is your way of flying in the face of convention. Then my friend I must applaud you ... unless that's what you want me to do.
Oh god its all so confusing.

3.29.2002

3.28.2002

Pak Chooie UNF!

First of all.. I know I sent a couple people copies of netcaptor that had all of my captor groups in it.. if you have one of them could you please let me know as I have lost alot of the sites I go to, to find stuff to post.. So if any of you guys still has the netcaptor zip file could you please let me know?

On with the post..

I think these are the next checks I am going to order!

I found this site right before the great crash and I have been waiting to post it.. Check out COWBLOG! Allmost better then that blog written by the dog..

If I have never posted it before CHECK OUT 3d PONG!!!!!!!!!! And if hi-tech isn't your way.. check out Pong, the text based game!

I personally don't wear a bra.. but if I did it would NOT be this one.. See side view here

Spam radio is the SHIT!!!!!!!!! Check it out..

THe Ibong, Better then the macquarium?

Check out fulltime killer, its like a flash version of Silent Scope.. Which I played at the arcade this last weekend for the first time.. very fun game..

George Carlin has updated his classic 7 words you can't say on tv.. Now its 2443

Hunker down buddy and learn the rules of sexual combat before its too late and you find yourself walking down the street at night challenged to a straddle match and unaware of the nuances of it..

I have a couple of pages here for you would be ninjas.. First learn how to fashion weapons out of common household items.. Then learn how to complete your ninja costume..

How about a nice cup of shut the fuck up?

This HAS to be the weirdest news I have read lately. Robert De Niro and the remaining members of Queen (cory you will love this) have "pledged" to create a "futuristic new musical packed with the supergroup's greatest hits".

WOah! Hey! Wait a Minute! Where did my porn go!?!?!?

Tales of mere existence is one of the most cynical, yet amusing and great and original things I have seen online for quite awhile be sure to check it out!

Go download some Mr. Mittens and crank it and piss some people off..

YAY!!!!!! Mr. Nice has no hands or arms.. but that doesn't stop him from dancing!!!!!! thats for damn sure!

Oh.. hey.. hows it going? I allmost forgot I gotta give you all a BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!!!

Holy shit this is fucking great.. check this shit out.. Scrotilla the Hun and The penisaurus

I would so jizz over this.. *DROOL*

FUCKING KUNG FU CHESS!!! I know you guys will love this.. its so incredibly fucking original and incredible.. GO PLAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jackie Chan. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!??!?!

YAY!!! Old crazy alblums!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH I would suck as a negiator. I just gave this fucking bum over a thousand bucks and he still cracked me with a bottle... See if you can beat any of these damn things.. grrrrrrrrrrr

What if black sabbath had actually formed back in the 14th century.. This is what!

Oh shit!!! The parlor is one of the funniest and most true to life short movies I have ever seen.. I didn't figure it out till the very end.. god that was awesome!

Ron Jeremy must be quite excited about the ET reissue!

Ever wonder what the guy in front of you in the drive thru was ordering? Me either.. but if you do then this page will help you figure it out...

MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm Spacefoodsticks!

This just nails down my theory that over two thirds of all people in wisconsin are morons...

Who wouldn't want to be driving Kitt around???

Could it be? Are we posed to see more boobies on basic cable?!?!?!

ARe you prepared for a nuclear holocaust? Know where the safe zones are in your state and if you have a strike zone near you...

Check out this page dedicated to some of the craziest comic books ever printed!

Well.. I hope that makes up for the lack of posts because of my broke ass computer.. ENJOY!!!

3.26.2002

AH HA!!!!!!

I think I have found the root of my problem
My fan
has ceased to work
I bet. When I installed IE6 at some point during the install I had a hardware related crash.. and bada bing bada bang bada boom. Windows gets fucked..

I still need some receptacle for my files for a little while.. I will try to have everything in one neat folder and stuff.. In fact I am 90 % done with that right now..

3.25.2002

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLMOST There

One of my friends (Identity withheld for security reasons) sent me my old copy of windows me I was having him hold incase something happened to mine.. Luckily I have him keep a LEGAL archived version of everything I own in a large fireproof safe for just such an occasion..

Now here is part two of my problem
I need someplace or somewhere to backup my important stuff for. I'll dump all my mp3s and crap, but my favorites, a couple programs, my documents, my website archive. Just less then a gig on a reliable harddrive that I can stick this on for a day or two until I can reformat and get it all back from you..

I would need to be able to FTP or hotline, and it would have to be open either early in the morning or late at night for me.

If anyone could hook me up please either email me, which works rarely. But every now and again I can get into it, or get ahold of me on MSN messanger and leave me a message about when you could have something running and account info.. jonsnews69@hotmail.com is my msn screen name..

Thank you all for bearing with me and helping out..

3.24.2002

Be afraid, be very afraid ...

Afraid of who ? Of rich white guys who run this country that dont know a damn thing how technology works.

Thats right Sen. Fritz Hollings (D-South Carolina) introduced the Consumer Broadband and Digital Television Promotion Act (CBDTPA), Which if you dont know what this is, you should. Go check out Wired for more details.

Walt Disney and the MPAA seem to be its biggest supporters, but if this law gets pass it could seriously hamper the Playstation 3, so maybe a heavyweight like Sony can help back the rest of the intelligent folks on this planet that are trying to stop this bill from becoming law.

The funny thing about this law is that it relies on someone to come up with an anti-piracy method that actually works. So since that is a nearly impossible task maybe it will help this bill to fail.

If this bill does pass, I am going to declare war on South Carolina ! Who's with me ? C'mon they werent with us back in the 1850's they wanted to ditch us just so they could own people to do their dirty work. Doesnt look like the IQ of South Carolina has increased that much since then.

3.21.2002

I know I am just asking for trouble

Can someone send me the installer for IE6?
thru MSN preferably.. since that is about all that works on my system..
jonsnews69@hotmail.com is my msn screen name..
thanks..

HALP!!!!!!!!!

Well.. I tried getting a computer thru dell.. I get 10% off, but the bastards wouldn't approve me for payments..

My computer is getting worse.. So here is what I am going to do.. I'm sending out a plea for your donations.. Either money or old spare computer parts.. At minium I need a CD-R and some blank disks to backup my system as it is, and a copy of windows ME, because mine has been stolen..
Also any other parts would be apperciated.. perhaps a old harddrive you have sitting around or some ram or pretty much anything you have that would help me out.. Fuck, it would be great if I got enough to revamp my system.. And to help you out, there is the big computer expo in Ft Wayne this weekend so you can go get yourself some new shit and pass on the old shit.. Hehe

since I can't get email.. well.. at least VERY sporadically can't get email.. I will just post here how to send me shit..

You can either:
Use the amazon donation thing on the left hand side bar for money donations.. Since its hard to send computer parts over the internet, though I did convince a kid on IRC one time that you could download a bigger monitor
Or, Send money or computer parts and shit I need to
Jonathan W. Gilmour
email me for my address! jonsnews@vectorstar.net

So anyone that sends me anything will get major linkage all over the place once I get back up and running.. and if I get this mofo of a computer back up, that means the return of the links..

Thank you very much if you plan to send something.. even if its one or two bucks.. cause it will go towards getting my computer back up and getting back into the flow..

3.19.2002

Helping out the browser impaired Jon

Lets see I found some links worth a look. =)

How about Star Wars Episode 2 Attack of the Clones !! Seems that Harry over at Aint it Cool News snuck in and saw the first full treatment of Episode 2 and he likes what he seen !

Do you chew Wrigley's gum ? Then help out this Canadian fellow with his dreams of taking a World Record !

Hmmm, Jon uses "Blech", Ninja Curtis uses "Splaa" ... I think I will use Flergrumph. So here is your Flergrumph of the Day !!!

3.18.2002

"It's all about random acts of cheese." -Viva.

I am here to help out a friend in need of some postings. **Warning** I am not as good at doing this as the LinkMaster is (you can tell by previous posts) but I am going to wing it like KFC.

Have you ever wanted to know how your Lambretta stacked up with others? Did you ever want to compete in a 10mph race on one?? I know I have..

AAHHH, your mom IS a fat cow That is kind of scarey. I bet they will cross-bread lawyers with mountain goats so they can finally get their horns.

First of all, this website is pretty kick ass. Secondly, anything that comes from Japan should not surprise me anymore.

Hell yeah, I just knew it!! Woman are just sneaky little devils.

This one is for you Jon. I never knew Lego people could be so... eehh, fun to play with? Just stay away from the other Series... or check them out if you think you have the stomach to.. lol

Well, this is going to be my SPLAA OF THE DAY!!!. I can't use Blech, that is reserved for the Blog Gods. I'm just a novice *sigh*.

Hope you had fun walking down the yellow brick road of the internet with me... oh dude, you just stepped into a big pile of shi...

still nothing works

I'm using blog buddy to post like I did last time, and now I am down to ftp and blog buddy and trillian..
Explorer likes to crash alot.. Does anyone have a anti virus program and a ftp server of that could send it to me via MSN?
I hate computers

3.17.2002

Oh yeah

Scott, cory, curtis.. I dunno if you guys have been posting lately, but if you haven't could you guys pretty pretty pretty please until I can run some kind of HTML based application...

ARGH and a update on my sitiation

IE 5.5 won't install that scott sent me
netscape won't work
outlook express won't work which upsets me because I can't say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best friend cory
I can't even THINK about opening IE without it crashing
I haven't seen a webpage or email for about a week now..
Nutscrape crashes.
My "friend" from ny has stolen my latest copy of windows ME so I can't even attempt to repair my shit
and I wouldn't even be able to reformat because I have no way to back up any of my shit
I'm fucked
I'm considering getting a dell.. just because I can pay montly and I get 10 % off through my work..
Dood..your getting fucked

most importantly since this is the only way I can communicate it though. Happy Birthday buddy!!!!!!
you need to come visit sometime soon.

Happy Birthday to me and Happy St. Patty's Day to you !

So how old am I ? Well if you ask my body I am 93, if you ask my mind I am 14. If you ask me when I am sleepy I am likely to have forgotten. If you are carding me for alcohol or anything else for some reason I always say 21.

But I am actually (if my leap year figures are correct):

788,918,400 seconds
13,148,640 minutes
219,144 hours
9,131 days
1290 weeks
300 months
25 years
2.5 decades
1/4 of a century

Wow. I am now in my mid-twenties and I can honestly say that my life has ended up nothing like I thought it was going to back when I was a teenager. Has my life ended up bad ? Hell no. I have great friends and family whom I love and cherish, a great job which still can excite and challenge me and a schlong like a baseball bat !

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone ! Be safe, have fun, wear green !

3.14.2002

HELP

My computer has shit.. IE doesn't work any more..
I need someone to email me and tell me that they can send me a copy of nutscrape or the executable for IE to be reinstalled with. I installed IE6 cause windows told me to and now I can't do anything.. I uninstalled it and IE5 is fucking broke..
HELP
otherwise I am pretty fucked

3.11.2002

Joy riding on the information superhighway

I just watched the movie Joy Ride. Its quite good.. The commentary track with Steve Zahn is quite funny.. I watched ZooLander last night and it wasn't too bad.. I was gonna watch Heist today, but I am running out of time and wanted to post before work

I'm listening to Hotel Yorba, by the white stripes and its a cool song.. Next in the playlist is "CAn't put my finger on it" by 'ween' off of the chocolate and cheese alblum

Our first link is incredibly cool.. Its called Creatures In My head. and its fucking awesome. Like exploding dog with crazy looking creatures.. check it out

Then check out the b3ta Zoo challange to see some funny photoshopped creatures..

HI-HO!!! WHat ever it is I want to buy three of them!

How about some useless facts for your monday? How about some more?. Or you could check out this huge list of phobias and figure out a reason to call into work and just chill..

cruising around online thinking "Holy sweet baby mike I would fucking LOVE to be looking at pictures of older men who look like Kenny Rogers"? I just was.. Theres help though.. Or how about famous people who look better with the body of an animal?

This is the coolest magical digital camera EVER!!! I want it!!

I still badly want a rubber band machine gun.. I would so abuse it..

Do you have what it takes to win at SEX GAMES?!??!??!?!

Happy Ninja Magic Action Compatriot !!!!!!!!!!

Well.. time to go pick up girl and get ready for work.. You guys and gals enjoy the links.. or else!