The triumphiant return of Jon

Hello my tender lumplings. Its been quite awhile since I have gotten to play with you all. Did you miss me?

Work has been exceedingly crazy and my free time has been naught. I have been pretty much working and sleeping and seeing Jamie. Speaking of Jamie I proposed to her on christmas eve. So thats been the highpoint of my life since then. She is such a incredible gril. I love her so much.

I've also been having these really bad eye pains lately. They just feel like they are pressurized and going to burst. It doesn't happen just when I am at the computer or anything. Its fucking odd. I mention these because I have the most painful one I have had yet right now.

Did you guys ever watch Dharma and Greg? That show used to be so bad ass. I know its still on and crap... I just don't watch it. After I had stopped watching it I had found out about these. I allways seem to miss out on the good stuff.

My friends and I used to play a similar game to this. It helps to read the story on the left hand side.

Its been awhile since I posted any regular porn so check this out. I got some other really good PRON sites for all of you too. Consider it a late christmas present. Check out this site. Oh yeah and this one too!! Blech blech blech blech bleeeeeeeeeeeeech And here is something for all of you do it yourselfers.

This is probably in EXTREMELY bad taste to post after the recent shootings. But oh well.

This kid has a pretty good idea. I hope that one day he will have dealt with every AOL disk in the world.

I will kiss the ass of the person that buys me this shirt!!!!!!

I got a handspring visor delux (in pretty orange) for christmas. Oh god its fucking shiney. So now i am obsessing about all the stuff that i can't afford for it that I want.. Like this. Or maybe this would be nice... And then there are soooooooooo many shiney add-ons for it too. Oh god.

And to wrap this up I want to give a shout out to the person who found this by searching google for "happy shiney things" and I hope that my actually getting off my ass will inspire scott to do the same and make with the posting on his site


New post.

On its way. I promise


Happy birthday to me!

Check out how bad ass Todd McFarlane toys are! And those are fancied up prop shoots. Those are how they actually look. I have a few and they are the highest quality figures I have ever seen. The detail is amazing.

These guys are pretty creepy. The make me want to buy stuff from them. Check out their products page. They have taken the iniative in building a zero gravity car!

Its that special time of year folks. The time of year where you and your family sit around the fire and ponder about Don Mcleans "American Pie" and the meaning of god. I know I do. Its also a good time of year to share all of your special interests and hobbys with the ones that you love. Tis also the season for retarded depressing songs. Like this bullshit. And then before too long it will be new years. The time for exercising the demons in you and getting a clean start.

Cory and Scott said that its a bad thing that I was downing a bottle of jolt at 4am.

God there is pretty much shit for new stuff on the internet today. This is a pretty cool site.

Scott came over after work and brought a couple movies because I was bitching about how I was depressed and moping around on my birthday. We watched High fidelity and it was VERY VERY VERY good. I was quite impressed by it. A definate watch. I also fell asleep watching A christmas story. This is definatly my favorite christmas movie ever. Followed by The nightmare before christmas and Emmet Otters Jugband christmas. A christmas story is just fucking wonderful. I love the dialog. It brings back alot of happy feelings the same way calvin and hobbes does. I need to rent this tommorow and make my girl watch it. I love this movie sooooo much. FUCKING WATCH IT!

I am listening to some super badass tunes right now. Go on napster and download naveed by Our Lady Peace. And then get ALOT of tragically hip songs. I fucking love the hip. I have been listening to them hardcore this past week. DO IT!!!!!!!

Ooooo hidden links. Mainly cause I couldn't think of anything to write for them. http://www.wondergeeks.net/ http://www.wondergeeks.net/ http://www.aaaugh.com/dictionary/ http://www.sonic.net/~ian/Spork/spork.faq.html http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/pearls/ http://www.rumorsrumorsrumors.com/ http://www.thinhline.com/ I know. They aren't clickable links. Cut and paste. I couldn't make them links and keep them hidden..

Well I think thats it for now. Merry chirstmas and everything. Posting should resume next week. But keep a eye out. You never know.

Its friday. The end is near!

Oh god. The actually millinium is starting soon
How exciting.

I had a busy day today. I wrapped up my christmas shopping and Asked Jamies parents for their blessing to propose to her. So uhhh thats all right now. Tommorow Scott is coming over here and getting his fucking christmas present or two. HAHA He still doesn't know what It is.. HAHAHAHA
Well I am tired. Links tommorow.


Happy Humpday!

So whats up my tender lumplings?

Not much going on here in Tech land? Work. Blah. The guy I am talking to on the phone just asked me if I liked my job. And I said yes. And then he asked if I liked talking to people like him. So I had to lie.

Some people are real weirdos.

Its good to know that if you need it there is allways a 24 hour jesus superstore around.

Hurray for this kid. Ketchup is good for you. Kinda like asparagus except red. Or something.

God this is depressing and fucked up.


I am trying to fight the FF9 demons that are telling me to play it and stay up all night. Its 130 right now and I really think I should go to bed.. I am feeling physically ill from being so tired.. my eyes really hurt too..

Oh god my playstation is calling my name. I hear the sweet siren's call of final fantasy. Well I am going to go choke myself out with a pillow so that the evil game doesn't suck me in again tonight..
Ok.. maybe I will just play it for a minute..

Fucking religion
Fucking manners
Fucking have to work to get money.

And on a lighter note. Finding your starwars twin is cool. And here is some more super cool shit about Santa and NORAD.

Well thats it for tonight. Peace easy.

I'm as tired as ass.

I was up until about 6am this morning playing Final Fantasy 9 and I passed out on the recliner and then I woke up about 2 hours later with the controller in my hand so I just started playing again. I haven't slept since.

Im a very busy person . I enjoy romping around in a white cape and on special occasions , I sleep in my underwear.
What the fuck?
Riiiiiiiiiiight buddy. I got some friends in white coats with nets that you should meet.

Ok I have a fun project for all of you to to do. Go to that site and look around. And then close your eyes and think of something very funny to say about it. And then pretend that I said it and Email me or tell me how funny of a guy I am.

AHHHHH Stop it internet. Stop stop stop. Please just for a minute stop it? AHHH go to the bottom of this page. BLECH



I think I need a cool title to suffix my name with. How about Jon Gilmour "EMAHTSKCBLVDT"

Check out this sweet article about setting up a honeypot on your network to trap hackers.. MMmmmmmmmmm honey.

Speaking of Honey. I miss my sweetheart. Her computer is unplugged so we have been incommunicado the last three days. I am very sad. I miss my girl.

Scott however just made me happy by singing the entire toy r' us jingle. HAPPY!

Heres a discussion on slashdot about the most addictive games you have ever played. I certainly agree that Evercrack will draw you in...

I added two links on the left bar. One to the norad santa site. Pretty cool. And the other for my man mat's site. Check it out. Both in the daily section.

And here is a early christmas gift for you!


Getting into the christmas spirit.

Ho Ho Ho Merry christmas!

I'm all about making scott happy today ain't I?

Check this out scott:

I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid,
There's a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with.

I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid,
Cause If I did. I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid.

From bikes to trains to video games,
Its the biggest toy store there is!
I don't want to grow up, cuz if I did,
I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid.

Found the part of that that I couldn't remember on this site.

I'm also letting him come over and touch final fantasy 9 after work!!!!!
I'm the greatest!

Making with the post

Well in order to keep the scottness monster appeased and from rampaging thru the office and killing people I am making with the post. My head hurts right now. This MAY have something to do with taking about 12 of these and then putting them in a bottle of this and then shaking and drinking.

This is so fucking great. I got this and this for my birthday party yesterday. They go together so well, Kinda like lots of caffeine and EVERYONE IN THE WORLD CALLING INTO MY TECH SUPPORT CENTER TONIGHT!
I really meant to post sunday. I got up. Went to wake up Cory for the day. And he says "you wanna open up your birthday presents?" So I of course say yes. And I get those two things. Throw in FF9 and figure on just playing a few minutes. ITS THE BEST FUCKING GAME EVER! Oh god. I want to be playing it right now..

Over the next couple days I am going to be messing around with posting a little bit different way of posting. Let me know if you like it. Scott will.


Nappy poo

Well I started the design two days ago.. took a small nap for two days and now it is done. Now I need to add content to the side bars and shit. What do you all think of it? Nothing drastic. Mostly behind the scense stuff on how its all run and shiznit. I think the two side bar thing will work a little better though.

Well I just had a fucking wonderful day with my girl friend.. we didn't get much sleep and I am so incredibly tired and wore out.

I feel asleep just now. I think I will post in the morning. I am gonna sign off now..
tommorow is my birfday party too. So uh I should have something good to write about and stuff.


Buckle down kiddies

Sites going thru a redesign so hold on to your hats.
I got some ideas. I just drew it all up in my note pad that I have of all my design ideas.
Working on codeing it all now


I get home from work after trucking the whole mile across town in my tiny car. And i get home. Eat. Watch southpark and then jackass. And then I fire up my browser to get some sites to post. And then I find this.
I give up for tonight. Thats horrible. I'll post more in the morning. Blech. I'm going to drink paint thinner and eat a 2000 flushes tablet and hopefully that will help get the images out of my mind
damn you internet.


Last minute thing before I go to work.

Thinkgeek is THE place for geek presents. The caffeine section ROCKS

Ho Ho Ho!

Well since its christmas time and stuff I think its fitting that I make with posting some nice christmasy links.Its very pretty out right now.. the snow is falling. I miss jamie. But even though I miss her so much right now I am feeling very sublime. Its a good day. Its snowing. Its pretty. I'm in love. I have the best girl in the world. I have great friends. Life is really good. Even though it seems shitty.

Well on with the links. I really like this site because not only is it really cool, its a great use for all those 50,000 aol cds that I have in my living room. And of course with a tree you need some nice ornaments (scroll down towards the end on that one) too. If we still had our crappy couch with the board that stabbed into your spine then we could also do this.

And I have a couple great gift ideas for the geek in your list:
How about a piece of math themed headwear?
Every geek loves music. Its a universal constant. Get him the gift that keeps on giving. Anyone can have just a regular cd player. A geek wants one that is 50 times better.
I know I would personally love to have the angled head pliers off of this site. Multi-tools kick much ass. I would LOVE a leatherman Wave with the tool adapter.
Now if you are a geek yourself and looking for a do it yourself project for your loved geek then mayhaps this is for you.
Your geek love a big firstperson shooter fan? Well then set your specs on this shit!
Got a little geek thats into pokemon? Well then pony up and get this.
This christmas things a little tight? Then maybe this site will help you out.
Anyone that has ever touched a computer before would kill for this!
Alternative transport piques my interest.
Books and more Books. Books are great. And comic books are better. I fucking love comic books.
Gadgets are good too. Oh god shineys all over.
I would love a really good electric shaver. And this would be nice for jamie too *hint hint* because then I would be nice and not so scruffy all the time when we snuggle.
My friends and I used to have alot of fun with potatoe guns. I would love this one.
A pound of silly putty would be cool too.
Home automation would be really really sweet too. God I'm fucking lazy.

But most importantly be with the ones that you love. I would give up everything else about christmas right now just to be in my girls arms and able to give her a hug. Christmas is about being with the ones that you love and celebrating. So make it count. Make every fucking second of every day with them count. Thats what its all about.
Oh yeah. that title down below for the last post. That was my lame rip off of a nirvana lyric. So poop on you.

Hes the one who likes all our pretty sites, and he likes to go to www.jonsnews.com, and he likes to click on links, and he likes to click along. But he don't know what it means

Fuck. I don't even know what it means. I just know I have to really bust on a post because I promised i would have one up so god dammit I am going to. Even if it shows up as being posted on wednesday. Just know that I started writing it on tuesday. And isn't that a very very very long title.

So I would like to post a couple news articles to start off with. Oh look! Heres one! I watch Jackass whenever I can. Those jackasses are crazy! Oh god. The devil fish did goond for once. DIE DIE DIE satan carp!!!!!!! I hope the guy at least clubbed him a good one for me.

Old people kick ass!

I have some very sad news for you all.

Looks like all the cheetos fans are going to have a rough holiday season.

This christmas something rare and special is going to happen. Something that won't happen again for a long time. I am looking forward to it

Ok. Well that should be enough "REAL" news to allow me to keep the news in my name until the up coming year. At which time my title comes up for the webpage gods review.

Oh goodie. New insulting words. Now I have OTHER WORDS FOR FUCK!! OH IF FUCK WASN'T A WORD WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU SAY?!?!?! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! FUCK IS A WORD!!!!!! ARGH!. FUCK MS! FUCK FUCK DOT COM WHAT THE FUCK FUCK THE UK FUCK THE WORLD FUCK EVERYTHING. Now that may all seem uncalled for. But when you hear that fucking "If fuck wasn't a word what would you say" BULLSHIT day after day then you would fucking go crazy too. Thats alot of fucks. I am calm now.

I have a very sharp pain in my back. It is very very bad.

Oh yes. This is heaven. A Engrish ESSAY!!!

I WISH I could say that I got this much entertainment out of robocop. Ok. Well maybe I do.. so what?

Here is a really great How-to manual I am sure you will all love.

I love how I can just be fucking browsing the internet and BAM something installs MOTHER FUCKING COMET FUCKING CURSORS ON MY FUCKING COMPUTER WITH OUT PROMPTING ME! arggghhhhhhhhhhh It was this site. The site is very good to make fun of. But if you don't want comet cursors then don't go there.

Man I will tell you what. People will use any excuse at all to use poser to make naked woman. I mean christ there are some sick fucks on this site! Oh yeah here are two more good porn sites for you too

Well I mean thanks and all buddy. But I allready got my own list. Allthough it just pretty much contains snuggle with my girl friend, cook, and doin it..

Back in the day there used to be a site that beat the shit out of this site. It was called. www.usedpads.com God I wish that was still up. I used to have such a great time sending people to that site.

I gotta try to get at least one in every day don't I? I swear I don't look for this shit. Ok well maybe today will get you more then one.

Not only is this drag queen pathetic. sHE is FUCKING scarey. Blech

You can only go to this site if you adhere to his strict rules of: "no hacking, no swearing, and no mausterbating"


Sailor moon fans need to find a new place to hang out if they are turning to the internet for big things now I guess. Run!

HAHAHAHAHA whats better then being a red-neck into muscle cars and monster trucks. Seriously.. think about it. You head done throbbing? BEING A CROSS DRESSING RED NECK INTO MUSCLE CARS AND MONSTER TRUCKS!

If this guy rocked any more he would be able to set your head on fire with his website.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH its comics about boats! The funniest things ever!!!!!

I want to quickly profess my love for scott. Scott brings me things like this! He also has a button on his site dedicated to me. He has kicks ass at web shit. His new mouse overs amaze me. So go to his site every time you come to my site. Bam bam. Just like that. Jonsnews. Scotts site. You can pause briefly between if you would like.

Uhhhhhhhhh kevlar fetish. Uhhhhhhhhhh blech

Rate your risk. find out how likey youa re to be beaten ore stabbed or rapped or killes.

I want to have thiss guy come live with me and make me legoo shit all day.

Just a few more links before i pass out. I am very tired. Things may make less sence ssfrom here on in.

This is fucking great! MULLET!!!!!!! When hjamie and I went to kings island it was redneck day and we played spot the mullet all day. I won.

This is why i love broadband. Go download the entire internet

Oh good. I'm not going to hell for playing the sims. Good. I am going to hell for playing a warez version of it though.

Release some of that pent up word frustration'

Just a few more to go. So tired.

I wish i could hug brak. Zorak is evil. Space ghost rocks socks too

Ok. I have alot more saved for tommorw. I can't saty up anymore and mykitten is jumping on my shoulder and clawing me saying he wants to go to sleepy beddy tedy bear land. oh god i am bleeding
fuck you cat


Go go gadget internet!

YAY!!!!! after about four weeks of struggling to get the archives in a sembalance of a working order they are FIXED!!!!!

I hacked together some nice codey code that makes it all pretty and shit. Ok. Maybe its not pretty. But its workable. So go visit the archives and sort thru the mounds of shit that I have posted. I have a big suprise coming next week.
Well I am quite happy right now. I got the archives working. I got to talk to my girl because her school had a snow day. I just got out of the shower. I had some delicious sausage and gravey and biskets for breakfast (thanks to scott for the recipe!) and I am going to go do the dishes up and head out to worky work and then I shall post from there.

Oh yeah. I am also out of site titles and post titles so please send me some good ideas. Or better yet GO POST THEM IN THE MESSAGE BOARD. Noone has posted since the 9th of NOVEMBER!!!!! For mikes sake please post there and make me HAPPPY! Pull down the little "Site Navigation" menu on the left. Select "message board" and sign up and post.

Well more to come as the night withers on. Peace easy


I got to believe its getting better.

"Rock n' Soul" is an animated series about bi-racial, Siamese twins that struggle through adolescence. With ridiculously cool situations, outrageous physical gags, unconventional characters and diverse musical vibes, it is a hyper-kinetic bombardment on the senses! Targeting hip kids, aged 6 to 12, it represents animation's next level of originality!

Since I got the new layout done I want to post these other two fucking awesome banners that cory made. God I hate when he makes me banners because I have to choose one!

Oh god I kinda chuckled at this. Evercrack can suck my balls.

More updates later. I just finished the skin and wanted this post to accompany it.


Well fuck me

I don't really know what I want for the site any more. I caught some flack today for the hemmorage links on the posts. I don't know what makes a good site. What keeps you guys coming back here? What could I do to make the site better? I don't know. If you enjoy reading this site post something in the message board. Give me some ideas of where I should go with it all.
I fucking love reading scotts site. Its not huge. Its not 400038209428309 pages long.
Its from the heart and fucking great reading every time I go to it. God I fucking love your site scott.Don't change it!

Here are a few links. Not in hemmorage form

Hey. The tomb raider movie trailer is out. It looks very shiney.

Planetevercrack is up now. God as bad as that game is its fucking addictive.

Dr. Keving Warwick (the guy that implaneted the computer chip in his arm awhile ago) is going to implant a much more advanced one soon!

God nano-tech is coming along fucking fast.

This sounds like it would be a fucking blast to watch!

I think I am going to start using this program!

I love good games. Ask cory I love debating stupid things more. There are a couple really good games that appeal to me right now. Check them all out.

I am allmost 100% sure you will all apperciate this.

Well thats it for now. Do the message board and the Poll on the right and let me know what you all think...


ARGH guess what I found today?

Hmm What else do I have for all you.. My loyal fans. THIS!

This here is a pay site. But there are alot of gross pictures in the free section.

Blech And this is weird.

God I have so many fucking links to post that have been building up here. Blah blah blah blah blah Fuck me There are alot of links. Do you guys read all the links I post? Should I post less links? I wish I had more original content here. Please use the wEirdBAY thing. I put some new links there today. You guys go find cool shit and put it in there too. I have a mission for you guys. Go spread the word of jonsnews and get me some hits. I need some people to help with posting here too. If you would like to post here email me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys rock. This website is honestly one of the most successful things I have ever done in my entire life. Everytime that someone emails me about how I did something or when someone comes up to me at work and says that my post made them laugh. It really makes me feel good. I want to thank you all for sticking around. I promise I will keep pouring myself into the site and trying to make it better as long as at least one of you is still out there reading my words and chuckling at them.

I know that doesn't seem like alot but its taken me a couple hours to get all those links together. So go to them all and spread the love.

I wrote this post backwards.



After a really nice night of being pampered by my girlfriend I think I have recovered completely. I am no longer whacked out. Ok well I am still whacked out, I am just no longer sick.
I think I have my home computer pretty much back up to snuff from my format last week. My work computer still is sucking dick though.

Oh yeah. First thing I want to go over are the changes around the site that I have been making over the last week. First of all I changed the skin selector into a automatic pulldown menu. Pretty cool? And then I added a drop down menu to use to select the different sections of the website. I may move the advanced search into there too. I dunno. And I also added a entire new section onto the site. Its called wEirdBAY. Its a place for you and me to post all the crazy ebay auctions that we find as we surf. So please please please don't just leave that section sitting there. Do something there and other people will too. Or at least thats my hope for it.

Today is going to be another splurt of links. So lets get onto it.
Now I have a use for all 50000 aol cds that I have in my living room.
yeah the the "biiiig bada boom" was a cheap 5th element reference. I am the supreme being


my brain is on fire

i am very sick.
I am going to up to my girls house so that I can have someone take care of me.

Here are some links to tide you over until I am less feverish and dead
this is cool I am going to install it.
linky link
link a doodle
linky loo
lucy loo
loo loo loooooooo
I feel icky
icky poo poo

download that fucking google toolbar its god..
someone find me a video of the hell in a cell match with undertake and mick foley and email it to me please. it would make me not sick
well thats it for now. more when i can not pass out all the time...


I fucking hate the world

I just wrote a big post about being sick and being at work while i was sick because everyone else was sick...
maybe I will post when i get home if I am not throwing up...

die die die die die wisconsin
I want this woman to shut up


Stuff to make your weekend fun.

You guys know that its all about the shiney. I fucking love shiney shit.
Lets face it. The internet is the shit when it comes to shiney stuff. Sites with cool little games are top notch shiney.

Take for example netbaby. Not only is is content shiney. Its fucking layout and graphic shineyness is off the shineyscale. I love the graphics like this. That style makes me want to poop myself.

You could also go to the abuse-a-tron and get some nice abuse for yourself. Or you could go here and abuse someone else.

Maybe you just have some strange stirrings or unexplained things going on in your life.. If so you may be possed by a demon.

Still not really un-bored-ified yet?? Well maybe some arts and crafts will get you out of that funk. Maybe you need a sport to play. I don't know what else I have for you that could help. Maybe you could play a little joke on someone, buy yourself a new toy, see what people are searching the internet for, look at porn?
I don't know. I'm out of ideas. Oh wait!! One last idea. Go sign up for some free stuff!!!

I would also like to say malkovich malkovich my malkovich

Well thats it for now my tender lumplings. Take care and chill.. till the next episode.

Fuck that. I just thought of a couple more things I wanted to post.
I wanted to let you all know that I am going to stop hating goths and I am going to start hateing the fucking kandy kids. Sorry for all that misplaced hate all you goth people..

Here is a link.
Here are instructions to be weirded out by the link:
Step 1: click on a paw
Step 2: click on a picture of a ultra cute puppy or kitten.
Step 3: be weirded out.

And guess what the last fucking site in my browser was?
I hate you *shakes fist at furry gods*