Oh Sweet God I Have to See a Post Here

Enjoy you sweet pussy head !


A very happy early christmas for my good friend..

Congratulations are in order for Joel and his wife and their new addition Xavier


post dammit

As a small boy I used to dream of being the curling champion of the world...

Curling is the greatest sport ever.. I think this quote proves it:
"The stroke should be away from your body, and then back towards your body. Keep your top arm tight to your body. By staying tight, you will begin to put more and more pressure on the head as you begin to move your weight. The power of the stroke comes from the top shoulder. The shoulder actually "drives" the head out and pulls it back."

The rumors have been running rampant that Osama bin laden has gotten his hands on some of our top secret technology.. we are doomed...

It appears that the people that named segway didn't check its acronym too well..

Ok.. Just so everyone knows.. DO NOT PEE ON THIS MANS HOUSE!

J.R.R. Tolkiens grandson has become a outcast from his family because he wants to see the lord of the rings movie...

If my name was Gay Pron I would never ever ever leave the house...

Ok.. If someone just got me this for christmas I would never ask for anything ever again...

I never realised there was such a huge nerfing community onlin...

The Top 12 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love

Ugh. some people get all the luck... and who would have thought that all that reading of fine print would pay off??

This 8 year old kid stopped just short of performing a tracheotomy to save his teacher.. scarey..

I wish I had a use for a ton of cheese ;like this guy.

Well. thats it for me.. Just a short one tonight.. nighty night..


I love links links links links.. Links I do adore..

First up is a fun little destruction derby flash game.. Go play...

Go read MeHeads "Lord of the onion rings" before it goes off their front page...

I guess if you were a parent and accidently mistyped this url then you would be in for a suprise..

I think I am in love with zombo.com.. I caught myself just leaving it open in the background again.. It inspires me...

Oh yeah.. I got the assistant manager position at work.. so.. Wheeeeeeee

Todays blech of the day is pretty straight forward... So.. BLECH OF THE DAY on mofos...

I found the life simulator way back in 1997ish or so.. It was quite awhile ago when it was still new.. I still love it.. Its such a fun site to play with...

And as with last christmas I got the hookup for all your christmas buying needs.. Be sure to check out this site for some wonderful gifts for all of your family!!!!!

I want.. to.. eat peaches?? I think...

Why did you kick my dog?? I live right down the street!!!

And some nice t-shirts you can all get for your loved ones...

Expect a new bruce lee movie.. Even though hes dead...

OOooooooooooooo two hundred ramen recipes.. I love me some ramen...

This is probably the first time someone has ever said this.. but I wish I was hung like a fucking duck..

Go view what is quite possibly one of theeeeeeeeee finest DVD players crafted by human hands.. and It can be yours!

Oh god.. at least they don't know its me yet...

Oooo In excel 2000 you can play spyhunter.. Spyhunter is a bad assed game.. That makes excel 2000 a bad assed spreadsheet....

HOLY FUCK!!! I had posted about the rumored bad assed CGI- Ninja turtles project before... So CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT A PROMO FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Send someone you love a anthrax-o-gram!!!!!!!!

I've been enjoying whatever dude for quite some time now.. I think I will link them on the left as soon as vectorstar is back to full health and I can do that kind of stuff... Check out their music video reviews and their take on clerks for the time being. They also have a fucking awesome write up of the fine fine fine movie chasing amy...

OOOOOooooooooooooooo Linux on my PS2.. that would be pretty sweet if I could use it as another bad ass boxen in my house...

WEll.. Its allmost three am.. I really don't feel too sleepy.. but I miss my girl and I want to go lay next to her now.. so.. Singing off for now....


The Movie Star, the professor and ...

Well I know this is going to get posted like crazy all over the net, but I thought I would be the first to comment on it here.

Remember "IT" or "Ginger" from a couple months back ? Yes that super secret project from that crazy genius inventor who made a wheelchair that stands up has finally unveiled what IT is.

IT is a motorized scooter named Segway !
And the cool thing is, that it cant fall over ! Seems pretty cool. I guess tons of factories are buying them up for employees to use to cruise around the plant and it stands poised to be the new big city personal transport.

I love IT ! Too bad it doesnt run on Hydrogen or have a new internet design onboard, but maybe those will be options later. hehehe


Error 404...

jon, i know that you are a bit of a "collector" if you will, of Error 404 pages.

here is my contribution

enjoy : )


Celebrity Info

Hello everyone got some pretty bad news out there for all the Pee-Wee Herman fans. Apparently Paul has been caught with some child pornography and is going to get his playhouse searched. I think I know too much about this mans sex life.

Pop legend Michael Jackson "darkened" his skin for his 30th Anniversary concert aired on CBS. It seems that Michael realized just how contrasting he was compared to his brothers and had his skin digitally darkened to appear more black. In a related story, Microsoft is planning to release the George Hamilton Digital Tanner XP later this month.

How do i love the, DAoC....

Ok. there i was, sitting in Mularn last night, talking with Leirch, and Vandunn when all of a sudden, i thought to myself "you know, i need to find a way to make some serious coin".

i think a big reason for this was because Leirch decided that he needed a new axe so he can look like even more of a big badass or something, so he mooched 64silver off of me.

so how can i make up for this loss? where else? Ebay!

i remembered back in the days of Ultima Online that people were selling stuff from the game for real cash. So, here is the search results i got for looking up "daoc"

For those of you who are in (and know what pellinor is) here is some links you may be interested in.

well, thats it from me, i am going to get back to my trade skills. i have already made "Junior Apprentice Tailor" and need to work on my Armorsmithing.


I think this would be the ultimate fucking christmas present.. I remember doing this with play-doh as a child.. I want the sphagetti one!!!!!!!!

So.. Girl and I are getting getting ready to clean and put up our christmas tree.. This will be our first christmas married.. Things are starting to even out a little and bit by bit we are getting our feet on the ground.. Hopefully all goes well and I get the assistant manager spot at work...

so.. Off to download christmas music and clean and put up decorations..

Oh listen Tender Lumplings let me take you by the hands.
I'll take you from this hell-hole to the Promised Land.
But don't blame me, oh children, if those promises don't keep.
'Cause promises like lives, can be bought so very cheap.

Oingo boingo is such a bad assed dark and creepy band.. But.. they also did alot of 80s rock too.. But they rock nonetheless...

I know that my good man Joel can play a mean guitar.. So here is a site for him for some bad assed Nintendo guitar tabs...

Now.. Don't get me wrong.. I FUCKING HATE Kid Rock.. And I guess by posting this site I in essence show how related to Vanilla Ice he is.. Therefore suggesting that if kid rock had even a iota of the miniscule talent that the Ice man had it would be a improvement..

Marilyn Manson says that his new alblum will "make people want to have sex"... You mean his old ones didn't? I know I can't listen to smells like children to this day without fucking something....

Yesterday I finally got my computer working and i am finally getting to sit down and write up a post.. and right away.. Like 5 links into it.. I find this.. todays BLECH OF THE DAY!!! Definatly with a look.. The page is entitled "Steps for Sheath Cleaning"... Go on.. you know you want to at least see what its about...

Our next site is entitled: Lifes a twitch.. This guy is like the tony robinson of Tourettes...

I'm gonna toss this link out there as a reminder to cory of the days back in the duplex.. Ahh.. Hidden butter...

I'm having a hard time deciding which site is worse.. Ballscan or NobScan.. Ballscan seems to be having some difficulty right now though...

Last week I watched the Iron Giant.. Holy shit I am in love with that movie.. I have been watching tons of movies since my computer died.. I have to say pootie tang wasn't a complete dissappointment..

AAAAAAAHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh WHo would want this!?!?!?!?

Play the game I can only discribe as the greatest Korean Ass Shooting game EVER MADE OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!

Now why is it that sites like THIS don't come up higher on google searches for Pony Girls then my site???

Not "cool" enough to be in a real band.. Then let RockStarter help you out!

This is allmost as great as the Butt-candle!!!! CHECK OUT BUTT ICE!!!!!!

OOOOOOOoooooooo a new fun fAnimutation called Yatta.. We don't eat QQQQQQSSSSSS

Think you know your TV?? Then go play NAME THAT THEME!!!

This is the one thing in the whole world you need if you really wanna be bad..

Good thing they weren't busy getting this started when I was a wee tyke..

I think this would be the fucking ultimate tech support job!!!!!!!!!!

Its good to know that there are indeed ways to keep your nipples erect all the time!

It makes me feel good to know that if you ever want to go to a website and see movies of someone shooting the fuck all out of a lawn mower and blowing it up.. you can...

And I don't know if I have posted this site before or not.. but it not then consider me one less blech of the day in the whole for all the non-post days lately..

Can someone out there tell me what this is all about??

Main Entry: dic·tio·nar·a·o·ke.org
Pronunciation: 'dik-sh&-"ner-A-O-ke dOt-Org
Definition: This site features parodies of popular songs using karaoke-style backing music with vocals provided by audio pronunciation samples from online dictionaries.

Definatly some very fun stuff here.. Well worth some time wasted.. Be sure to check out such classics as Queens Bohemian rhapsody, Nine INch Nails "Closer"(radio edit), John Lee Hookers "Boom boom boom" and Blitzkrieg Pop

I think this is one of my favorit error 404 messages ever...

I remember my uncle showing me the wonder that were hidden in a land o lakes butter box when I was a little kid.. and I remember just a shorwhile ago showing girl the greatness that can come from folding a butter box. and now I found a site about it.. so be sure to check out how to find boobies in your butter... You could also let Mr. T show you...

This is some whack ass shit.. My favorit is the portrait of lewis carroll.. Check them all out thoug.. crazy shit..

Oh shit.. I found this site soooo long ago.. Its fucking great...


I don't think I could live on frosting and Peanut butter for a week.. Nor do I think I could spend two entire days in home depot.. Best buy.. MAAYBe.. ..

Ok.. well thats a mighty big update for me.. More later.. Buh bye now..

PS.. I need another poster.. ANyone out there reading this that would be interested in posting on this site?? email me at jonsnews@vectorstar.net


Return of the mack

I fixeded my computer...


Man, I have found a new reason to hate IGN.com

I was messing around and went to the GameCube message board. IGN had said that the gamecube had sold out of all 700,000 units which is bunk!

The stores around here still have them if you look, and of coarse if you still have units in the store, then its not sold out now is it?

Anyway, I put up a post saying that the systems didn't sell out, and in less than 2 minutes i had 7 replies, all of them from 5 year olds i assume, telling me that i was a big dumb stupid head. (or something to that effect) one morron actually said that if you sell 90-95% then that should be considered a sell out. NOT!!!!!

But what is really funny is that the post was removed in less than 5 minutes. Thinking this was odd, i posted again, and since they had bitched about one of my favorite gaming mags EGM being immature or something because they put a picture of mario and luigi holding each other while skipping. and i said that they was real mature for taking my post down.

that one was down in about 4 minutes also. i wonder if we were to go to each post, and start bitching about how the gamecube didn't sellout, if i could systematically have every single post removed from the board. mwhaa-haaa-haaaa

My God I need to see a new Post.

Ahhh there, thats better. = )


Lord dookie is one bad assed motor scooter

SO.. that starwars porn I posted about awhile ago.. It looks like they are coming along ways with it...

Pong.. Its not just a game..

"last night" by the strokes is a really great song.. go download it..

Ok.. well its work time.,. I just got my computer reworking this morning.. Thats why the lack of posts from me.. but between scott and cory they have been helping to keep it up.. I will try to do one later tonight...

All Hail the X-box, er... I mean the GameCube...

Just a funny bit o' information.

I was just at the local Wal-mart to pick up my copy of Dark Ages of Camelot, when I realized that the GameCube was released tonight.

On the door going into the store was a sign that said something like, "Nintendo GameCube will be for sale at 12:01am Nov. 18th. Line up in Layaway".

I thought ok, lets see the crazy people.

When I got to layaway, there were no crazy people. No one!

After I grabed my game, I stopped and asked if they still had any, and one lady looked at me and said, "Yup, how many do you want? We have 26 of them"

This was after 1am. the x-box sold out there in about 20 minutes.

I bet if I go tomorow after noon, there will still be some GameCubes there. Just thought that was funny. But I will say one thing, Star Wars Rogue Squadron II looked incredible!

I will definatly have to get me one, one of these days.

now, i'm off to play DAOC. later!


Episode 2

The latest trailor is out "Forbidden Love" for Episode 2. It appears the dark figure with the red light saber is played by Christopher Lee one of the creepiest people to ever wear the dracula cape. His character's name is Count Dooku/Darth Tyranus. Count Dooku. Hmmm not very scarey, but then again he can do that thing with his eyes that makes me shit my pants and wet my bed for 3 nights straight.

And it also appears that Queen Amidala is now a Senator and that Jedi's arent allowed to love. It also appears Bobba Fett has a big hard-on for killing Obi Won. Head over and check it out. Oh but be sure you have Quicktime 5 Pro or you cant watch it. Damn Quicktime losers.

IMDB is also listing James Earl Jones as being cast as Darth Vader's voice for Epidsode 3 already ! YES !!!


Damn You Stewie!

so its official. the xbox has been released. is it the worlds best console? some say yes. some say no.

if i was having this conversation at work, i would be stoned just for even mentioning the Game Cube in the same sentance as Xbox. but, aparently the people who read www.ign.com have a different thought.

see for yourself:

i know that i am going to hear ir for this one, but i still want a Game Cube.

I'm talking bout sex supreme.. We likes to cream.. Jeans...

Have you ever been worked on by two guys are are hot for your snatch???

ANyway.. I found another great site making fum of lusers from a tech support persons POV.. So all you techies check it out.. I know I can relate to alot of the stories in there...

I had posted this slot car game a long while ago.. I found a new one that I think is a little better.. though I liked the controllers on the old one..

Ok.. I am going to try to post a long one tonight.. Girl will be gone all night.. I am also planning on grabbing Planet of the apes tonight as well.. and maybe the grinch...


Rocket Sauce!!!

Mother fucking rocket sauces is what I am talking about!!!

Here is the site to download all the tenacious d movies there are out there.. Check out the Conan O'brian Performance of Wonderboy and All the original HBO episodes!!!

I'm not done downloading all this great stuff so noone better fuck up the site...

So much for my "Get Rich Quick" Scheme

here was my idea. go to the big Super Walmart in town at around midnight and snag me an X-box before all the hillbilly's in Sidney knew what hit them.

well, after realizing that Enterprise was on tonight, i didn't make it. but i did call them up at 3:15am and ask if they still had any.

after the brief chuckle on her end, she said "no, we don't have anymore".

she said that they only had 22 systems, and they were gone pretty damn quick.


maybe i will get me a GameCube


News flash

Apperantly if you want to see a trailOr for the new star wars movie PLANET OF THE CLONES then jonsnews is the place for you...

Zest fully clean links

Here are the things my girlfriend and I argue over.. Not girl and I.. Some guy and his check.. Girl and I are on year four and we still haven't had a fight... Is that wrong?

Looks like Microsoft is making some drastic last minute changes to the X-box

OOOOOOOOOOOoo fun flash abounds!!!!!!!

Here is about all I could dig up on those nightmare before christmas figures scott was talking about in the comments..

So far the best I could do is spank the monkey at 107 miles per hour.. you try

I still think this is one of the greatest inventions ever.. If I had one I would use it religiously..

I first read about the mojave phone booth that stands in the middle of nowhere back when I had just started highschool.. Its still a fucking incredible read.. I love it.. Its a shame its gone now.. I allways wanted to travel to see it...

Have you ever wondered how much stuff was in stuff?? Like Whipping cream, Cheeze Whiz silly string, or... . say... like....Shaving cream.. I know I have tested out the last one.. and It doesn't take alot to fill up a bathroom sink....

I'm glad someone out there is chronically their every bowel movement.. Thank god for the internet.. and then there is rate my poo dot com.. Check them both out..

And thanks to ZDnet you can all have a dancing tampons screen saver.. Download it now!

I got my digital camera working finally.. Here is my first picture I took with it abouta hour ago.. I am soooo excited in it..

Ok.. I am going to pass out now.. tired tired.. Nighty nity sleepy bear land...


What is the secret of your powers?!

Holy shit this site has some seriously FUCKED UP comics
check this one out.. I was laughiing my ass off

Click here for the rest

This is a old old old school link.. How to use japanese toilets!

Wacky races was a BADASSED Cartoon. I saw a cartoon on the adult swim on the cartoon channel, it was called Cowboy BeBop and it was FUCKING AWESOME!!!

I also saw a show the other day on comedy central thats not on comedy central yet and it rocked too.. It was called beat the geek and it rocked ass.. Look forward to it later next month...

This guy is a fucking nut job.. first he insisted he was getting directions from god to kill people.. Now he IS jesus and can erect invisible spirit shields to protect himself...

The BEST ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD is looking to helm a fat albert movie.. WHEEEEEEEEEE

Rambo May Take on Osama & the Taliban

Two quick stories about the aftermath in kabul.. one and two

Topless coleslaw wrestling motherfuckers!

Todays BLECH OF THE DAY is the jediphiles site.. CHeck it out for some old fashioned fun!

If disney was really behind this then I think it would kick ass.. I would soooooooooooo watch the movie!

The top ten things that will get you kicked out of the taliban

You know what? I'm fat.. But I think boycotting Shallow Hal is fucking retarded.. In fact I sooo want to see it.. Fuck retards

AHhhhh.. So now I know why cows blow up... That last bit about the leaking electricty is bullshit though.. One of my uncles cows got struck by lightning and it didn't blow up.. It just kind was all funny colored and bloated up and smelled funny....

I think this would be one of the toughest jobs ever...

Woah.. I wish I remembered my fairytales like this.. Check out the pics.. Little red is a little cold.. Check out more about the scarey tales

I don't think darren ever read my site.. let alone still does.. but if someone at work shows him this I bet he would jizz. This fucking made a working beretta 9mm out of FUCKING LEGOS

Oh goodie.. Copyrighted virii!!!!

Baskins Robbins Shrek Swirl.. Is it truely a threat to humanity??

I guess this is one way to strike back against people when your dead

Hmmm.. I was really considering starting my own real life fight club.. I never realised that the authorites would disdain it so much..

Thanks to NASA I now know not to leave silly string in my car...

And here is how to train to be a sniper thru shooting prarie dogs..

Samual L. Jackson REALLY likes his kilts..

Click here and here for some disturbing masturbation stories..

ok.. thats all the update for now.. more later my little hotdogs


Bin Ladens Super Secret cave of Evil

The best sexual move in the world...

77. Tony Danza - a takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.

And I think this one may explain corys problem

60.A Short in the Cord- A "code" phrase used by the common man to refer to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex. "Oh fuck! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the cord."

check out this page for more..

the format is done.. went smooth and my fucking internet worked instantly without any input from me.. wheeeeee


bring out yer dead!!!!!!!

I'm not quite dead yet.. I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Actually.. My computer is rather dead.. I think it may be the processor.. but it may be a VERY fucked up windows install.. its been off for three days and today its letting me in for a little bit.. But I get ALOT of blue screens and shit.. ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so I am hoping I can get it to stay up long enough to backup some of my stuff and then its off for a reformat.. So.. I hope other people keep posting some people who come here hav something to look at...
and I can't believe cory can talk about scotts curse and not mention mine in the same post.... Mine is taking a toll right now.. ugh..
links to come homesnakes


and one more thing...

ok, well since i said some stuff about the game cube, i figured i should put in something about the Xbox for equal billing. i was over at ign, and saw this

it looks like monster cable is making after market connectors fot the Xbox. they are also making some fiber optics for the audio. sounds interesting.

just a couple of stupid tidbits...

ok guys, lets just say it. i got to play with a gamecube tonight!

there is a display at the walmart in sidney, and it is playing luigis mansion. i didn't get enough time to play much, so i dont know if i like it or not. it was ok i guess.

the controler is alot different than the Xbox's though. its very small, and complicated. its like they just put buttons on it where ever there was a blank spot, but still i want one.

and, just a quick bit for cory, there is going to be a WWF superstars version of "The Weakest Link". you might want to check it out.

well, thats it for me. night all


Cursed ?

Okay this is getting weird. It appears there may be something wrong with Scott (or Mawd to the unintiated). It seems that most normal everyday technologies that he comes in contact with mysteriously stops functioning. It started happening with computers and files at work. He wasnt doing anything stupid and wasnt trying to break stuff to be funny, but things would still break or files would vanish without explanation. Then it moved on to other items such as cars, trucks, lights, pens and now I fear it has gotten worse.

Two weekends ago while at Scott's house, I flushed his toilet. A normal thing to do with a toilet, well as soon as I did his whole septic system backed up and everything plumbing related within 2 square miles of his house stopped functioning. Jokingly he blamed it on me for flushing my piss. But I had only used the bathroom once that night, Scott had used it at least 3 times. Now flash forward almost 2 weeks, Scott is at my house watching a movie and sipping on some beer. He goes to the bathroom at least 3 times, then I go and MY toilet backs up and starts to flood. A simple plunger and some foul language take care of it. Now here is the really strange thing, Scott goes to leave for the night, and he asks me if my VCR clock is correct ? It is display 250 AM. I say yes, because it was correct when I left for work earlier that day. Just to be sure, I look up on the wall at the battery powered clock and it also says 250 AM. I say it is correct. He says "Well its late I am heading home now that this show is over.". Well I notice that yes the show on The History Channel "The Wired World" is indeed over and the credits are running. But how can this be when my clocks say its only 10 minutes till ? I turn the clock display on the TV on and it also shows 10 till 3 as well. So I turn on the Cable Access channel for the correct time and it shows the correct time as 259 AM. 9 full minutes almost to the second of what all 3 clocks in my living room say !!! I confer with my computer (which checks against the Atomic Clocks) and yes it is 2:59 ! The VCR, the TV and the battery operated clock on the wall are all set with each other with only about a 3 second difference between them and they are all now 9 minutes behind in time, when they were completely correct when I left for work today !! This only happened in the room that Scott sat in all night long. All other clocks in my house were the correct time.

I start thinking to myself that Scott has some weird Tech Curse or maybe and he was cursed by Amish people in a weird King Midas type way to ruin technology. I search Google for "Amish Curse" and find this link ! Scroll to the bottom and read the last entry. This site is a record for Amish baseball teams. It talks about the mysterious disappearance of Crow Sox team founder Jack Crowley from some baseball action. The vanishing is so odd they refer to it as the Crowley Curse. The Crow Sox need a manager though, so they get this guy named .... SCOTT !!! And the article goes on to state The Crowley Curse and subsiquent vanishing may have befallen the new manager as well as he is no where to be found !!

Maybe it has ! Maybe Scott "Mawd" Buehler is actually, Scott "Amish" Blumberg - former Amish farmer picked to be the replacement manager for the Amish baseball team the Crow Sox. Who unwittingly agrees ... all the while not knowing of the crazy curse surrounding the team. Then the curse strikes Scott and makes him vanish to a small town in Ohio with hardly any memory in tact to be raised by modern people. But now as Scott gets older his crazy Amish powers are coming out and he cant control them and all technology he touches HE DESTROYS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, it sounds like the birth of a cool comic book charater - AmishMan or some shit. I for one am creeped out by the whole clock thing still and am going to hide under my covers like a little baby.

Oh btw - if you havent yet, VOTE NOW in my Testicle Pain poll - I am going to the doctor tomorrow or Friday. Whoever wins the poll gets to feel my nuts with some salad tongs and a catchers mit !


Nuts in a Vice !

Well I still havent decided why my nuts hurt so maybe you can help. Vote in the poll below.

Testicle Pain Poll

What is causing the pain in my testicles ?

1) Hernia
2) Elephantitis
3) Blue Balls
4) Too much kinky S&M damage
5) New strain of Anthrax
6) 2 words : Testicle Rebellion !
7) Damage from repeatedly slamming them in a door
8) They dont hurt its all in my head
9) They hurt cuz they are supposed to
10) Infected nut piercing
11) Rats chew on them at night

Since the voting poll I found sucked, vote by using the Comments link.

Well time for bed now, I have to get up early because I have been summoned to city Tax Court tomorrow (good thing I got the mail today) for failure to file city tax last year. The funny thing is H&R Block did my taxes and I dont owe any city tax. I cant wait to piss in their Wheaties tomorrow. WOOT !!


Robot.. Your planet needs you

Robot bastard is one of the cooler short movies I have watched recently... Definatly check it out...

Can Jam be used as a lubricant for sexual intercourse? Can Jam be used as a lubricant for sexual intercourse? I know these and many more are the questions you all want answered.. So click here the answers.. Also check out all the other weird ass bizarre catagorys

Check out what they are doing for Anarcy online with the storyline..

How does fiber optics work?? Thanks to the folks at all world knowledge I now know!!! smart asses...

I was soooooooo close to dressing up as a vagina this year.. but I didn't want to end up like this kid..

Creepie susie is a fucked up childrens book... I fucking want it.. Along with captain underpants and the perilous plot of professor Pippy P. Poopypants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or someone that reads this could allways get me the captain underpants boxed set for christmas!!

Click here to see the grotesque metamorphasis that micheal jackson has taken from child to.. Manthing...

Fucking A!!! THere used to be a fucking CDrom based commodore video game system.. Quite possibly the first multimedia video game system! The site I found this at has fucking MAD old video game system info.. Lots of obscure shit ehre...

todays BLECH OF THE DAY is more mild then most.. but don't complain.. just click!

This link is for ninja curtis.. I know he digs the DJ scene and I hope hes still reading the site...

What if we had fought hitler like we are fighting the taliban??

And in hot calculator news!!! TI HAS PULLED ONE OF ITS CALC SOFTWARE CDS FOR INNAPPROPIATE CONTENT!!!! Click here to read more about it!!!!!

Wait.. I am revising todays blech of the day.. It is now THIS site.. I can do these things.. because I am Jon and this is Jonsnews...

The Premiere Place for Clown Poetry on the Web! We hope you run around and have lots of fun here!

I would like to now link to Scotts favorite TV show.. I know he used to ALLWAYS talk about this show at work...

You all know that crazy flash site with the stick figures fighting?? THEY MADE A NEW GAME!! AND ITS A FIGHTING GAME!!! ROCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I guess if you were so inclined you could go here for pictures of girls kissing...

My husband died.. So I put his ashes in my BOOB IMPLANTS!!!!!!

Wjat a great name for a costume...

Well.. I gotta go work on rearranging my living room and get ready for work.. later yo's



Dolphins are evil!!!!!!!!!!!!

Researchers in Panama say a sunken ship found off their coast could be one of the vessels used by Christopher Columbus in his last voyage to the Americas.

Some guy figured out how to hack the aibo and do custom programs and sony bitched slapped him.. Bad sony.. Good fanboy...

Ronald McDonald arrested and hung.. News at 11

DeCSS is not illegal anymore!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

By the guys who made WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Check out their new video, School bus

Huge amount of lubricant, complete with pump


My homesnake MC Hawking has some new tunes up.. Go bump them in your hoop ride yo...

Check out Harry Porter.com!!!!!!!!!

Oh sweet god these are the coolest rubber band guns FUCKING EVER!!!!!!!!

Ok.. thats it for now.. Time to go pick up my paycheck and rent a couple Ps2 games.. we got 15 games in and all the new movies for hte week are in and I can grab them before they come out.. Later...


ok, i will admit it when i suck at a video game, and AOE2 is pretty much the game that i suck the most at.

but when it comes to Unreal Tournament, thats my game.

this definately makes up for my embarasment in AOE2 the other day.

JEsus and hutch!


The finest chair in existance...

How could you not want to set your ass in this fine fine fine chair..

Be sure to check out the star wars porn the george lucas is up in arms about..

What monster are you?

Spank the monkey!

Are there any haunted places near you?

Girl and I are going to watch the frightners with micheal J fox.. I fucking love this movie.. It was my halloween movie for this year... more later..


If you are, say, missing work to go looking for shit sex, you do have a problem.

Final AOE2 score for tonight:

Cory: 10412
Scott: 1914

I am supposed to get schooled in some UT on Thursday, but we will see. = )


Good night...
I'm serious now..


Well its after midnight so its technically halloween day.. In a few scant hours it will be all hallows eve. And I still don't have a fucking costume... Maybe I will whip out a tron costume really quick..

god there are some fucked up movies coming out.. here are a couple trailers for all you good girls and boys as a halloween treat for your little bags of goodies

The Mothman Prophecies - I have heard about the mothman before as one of the many cryptozoology creatures I have allways been in love with.. To see a movie about it would be sweet....

Eight legged freaks - Looks like it has some potential as a very campy/ funny movie.. Allthought in the very last scene of the trailer I think that thats david arquette (sp?) the 1-800 collect/ WCW world heavyweight champion, which would bring the movie down a notch I think...

And the totally fucking fucked up fucky fuck movie I am SOOOOOOOOO waiting for and have been for awhile now and it fucking finally has a trailer is FUCKING DONNIE DARKO OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE FUCKED UP.. I can't wait!! WATCH THIS TRAILER IF YOU CLICK ON NOTHING ELSE IN THIS POST..

But really you should be clicking on everything in this post.. thats why I fucking post...

I have Shrek on DVD.. I am going to watch it in the morning and try to shoot up a review.. What would you guys think of a DVD review section somewhere around here since I have acess to movies before they street?? drop a comment

Here are a couple great halloween sites.. Check out brittle bones. Not sure what it is.. but its whacked out... OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo and my pet skeleton is sweet too And speaking of my pet anything.. They are fucking making MY PET MONSTERS again!!!!!!!!!! Oh hey.. Check out that url for my pet monster.. inthe80s.com.. I remember my pet monster.. I had one.. IN THE EIGHTIES!!! FUCKERS!!!!!!!!

BLECH OF THE DAY 'nuff said


___ ____ _ ____ _ _
| |/ / | | / \ (_) | |
| ' / ___ ___ | | ___ / _ \ _ __| |
| < / _ \ / _ \| | |___| / (_) \ | |/ _` |
| . \| (_) | (_) | | / ____ \ | | (_) |
|___|\___\\___/ \___/|_| /___/ \___\|_|\__,_|
`. \
____ _,..OOO......\...OOO-...._ ___
.` '_.-( 9``````````P )--...) `.
` (( ` || __ || ` )) `
( ) |<` ````---__|| ( )
` ` ||) ,xx xx. //)__` `
`-____-` ,/ O` O` //,'_ )`-____-`
,/ ,, // |//
/ (( //
( (._ _,) (_) -OH YEAH!
\ \````/ /
\ ^--^ /
\_ _____ __/
| | | |
( ) ( )
,--'~'\ /'~'--,
(_______) (_______)

I hope that comes out.. its the kool aid guy!!!

I have been reading wil wheatons web log for awhile now.. Cory just pointed me to this slashdot interivew with him.. Quite good

ROit!! Now watch me stick me finger in his bum hole.. I could go for two hours of that.. This link is for cory.. heheh

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Oh good.. Not only will tommorow night be a full moon.. the first one on halloween since 1955, but there will also be a constellation at its highest point in the sky which is said to be there during times of great calamity, possibly the biblical flood or the sinking of Atlantis. The Aztecs and Mayans believed it will be overhead at midnight on the night the world comes to an end

To really get into the halloween spirit you need to go download War of the worlds and listen to it and go rent rocky horror picture show.. DO IT!! BOTH OF THOSE THINGS!!!

Heres another link for cory.. Check out these reverse enginereed Iron chef recipes!

These are some fucking BAD ASSED pumpkins!!!!!!!!

Rick and Steve.. The happiest gay couple in lego land!

Shallow hal is going to rock.. Jack Black kicks my ass inside and out!

HEre is a """"""""Cute"""""""""" little halloween game for you all.. I got 850 at level 15..

I know all the homies back in tech support will like this page.. We got stories from back in the day

The ultimate rubber band shooting site!!

Read this.. It freaked the shit out of me.. I need to go to bed now.. Night night.. AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh
I want to leave the lights on =-(
I need a costume...


Happy day before halloween!!!!!!

I have today to get a costume in order.. Ugh.. I still can't figure out what I want to be.. Girl has hers all picked out.. but I don't have any clue yet.. Drop some suggestions in the comments...

Check out some cool zombie jokes for tommorow!

On the jack chick note.. I just found another chick tract in my shit from my last job.. I remember finding it in my desk.. I wonder why they sent it with me??

Oh yeah.. Happy halloween from Jack chick.. Heres another great one! OOOOOOo and here is a new one from him..

Jón Shieldtipper is my viking name.. Whats yours?
Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You're not a belligerent person by nature, which is unfortunate if you want to be a Viking. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you're no "berserker".
You might grumble a bit at the lack of amenities on board a Viking longboat, but you can handle it. Other Vikings tolerate your presence, though they're not quite sure if they can trust you to fight dirty.
You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Other people tend to think of you as manipulative and conniving.

Lemon adventure ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bed time stories for bad little children...

If you liked those halloween costumes I posted yesterday..Then check this shiznit out...

Is the x-box failing allready? read more..

And welcome to todays BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!!!

buhbuy now.. I have to go find a halloween costume or I can no longer consider myself a true man..


A power so great, it can only be used for good or evil

Ugh.. work was crazy yesterday.. But it was great!
We didn't have power for the first two hours. So all the stuff we were supposed to get done before we opened didn't get done until after we were open and it was busy.. About mid morning a bald guy in a suit walks in and browses for awhile and tells me some movie he rented sucks. He was some movie he thought was about new world orders or something and conspiracy theories.. So I suggested a couple movies to him that I thought he would dig, Usual suspects and memento. So be browses for about half a hour and picks up movies and puts them back and blah blaah blah and then goes to leave and drops a fucking JACK CHICK COMIC on the counter and goes.. "Heres a little something for you to read"

Three days to go and I am still without a halloween costume.. I guess I could allways get a box..

OOOOOOooooooooo Contraceptive corn!!!

This is the coolest fucking car EVER.. I want it bad!!!!!!!!

Wait!! I think I just found my costume!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.. fucking tatoo!!!!!!
Click here for some of the greatest costumes ever!!!

I've burned alot of shit with gas.. but I have never tried to cook chicken with it.. I don't figure it would be very successful..

Ever want to shut down a country? Then just click here on how to make your own electromagnetic pulse bomb.. Or just set it around to impress your friends and scare your neighbors..

This should help me get one step closer to being able to play real life Ages of Empires

Click here for all the monopoly cards that they should have!

The end is near my friends.. The olsen twins are set to cover a weezer song in their next movie..

Scorched earth is quite possibly the finest game ever.. It needs multiplayer internet capabilities though..

Kick... Punch.. Its all in your mind.. If you want to test me, I'm sure you'll find. The things I'll teach ya, are sure to beatcha, but never the less take a lesson from teach-ah (its scarey that I didn't need to look up the parappa the rappa lyrics online. I could recite them from memory) Karate for christ. Become closer to god by kicking some ass.. This one is for ninja curtis
Also be sure to check out the trailer for kung-fu jesus!

This year.. Don't just get pelted by eggs. Fight back!

Maybe instead of a jack-o-lantern this year I will put a boob-o-lantern on my porch!!

Alice coopers haunted house is so scarey taht people are just leaving things there because they are too scared to come back and pick them up..

I'm not even really sure why I had this page up on my browser or how it got there.. but go ahead and take a look..

And to finish it all off.. Here isTODAYS BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!!! HAW HAW HAW

I got tons more of links my friends.. more to come...


What is this?!

Ladies and Gentlemen, and especially Jon, this is quite possibly the coolest thing that i have yet to see on the web.

the guy who makes the handheld atari 2600's, has been tinkering with some Playstations. he isn't selling them sadly, but this is still mighty cool. for the rest of the story, click here.

Hes going the distance

I have to go open at work.. But as soon as I get home expect a long post!


Travolta's Head and M$'s Lunacy

This post I would like to discuss 2 things.

First let me state that like Satan, I HATE John Travolta. But this has nothing to do with how much I loath him.


As you can see below (image 1), his head is getting very large. His head on the left is from the Saturday Night Fever - this was about 1977. John was 23 years old at that time. His head on the left is circa 1998, his age was 44.

Now both of theses heads are from slightly different angles (the left his chin is down, the right the chin is more level with the camera) but as you can see from the red lines that the eye size and distances are the same, so we can use this as a basis for comparison. Also before editing the heads for clarity (ie: cutting them out of their original pictures, the one on the left showed a small portion of his right ear lobe). Now the best path comparison I could come up with was earlobe to earlobe. In both pictures (prior to cropping) both of his right ear lobes were exposed at the same percentage and as you can see the size of his left ear is the same. So as you can see in about 21 years his head as severely enlarged. Granted these images are somewhat crude, but this was the best of the media I could find. For further study, I suggest renting Urban Cowboy or Saturday Night Fever and then renting Primary Colors or Michael and the head increase will not only be apparent, but striking and somewhat unsettling. This image also disproves the "he got a little fat" theory, because even if you get fat, that doesn't make your ears spread farther apart from their original origin.

Image 1: Head size comparison

During my research I also found this picture below (image 2). This image is from the movie "Face-Off" and is obviously snapped by someone on the set before filming where John was having a very bad head pain during one of his head's growth spurts. Nicholas Cage is on his back trying to keep his head from expanding further, but if you have seen Swordfish, you can tell his effort was futile.

Image 2:  Head Growth Spurt on the set of "Face-Off"

And as my last bit of evidence I submit this cover picture of Rolling Stone (image 3). Now as you all know, Rolling Stone's magazine is quite wide. Wider than many normal magazine sizes. I contacted Rolling Stone's Managing Editor Robert Love, he confided in me that the picture of Travolta's head on this issue was actually life-size. To compare his head size to yours, go to your local library and pick up this Rolling Stone to compare.

Image 3:  Rolling Stone Cover

Now for some crazy shit I found on some Microsoft's websites.

From Microsoft's Visio 2002 (XP) Comparison Site

Visio Standard

Diagramming solutions that help business professionals—project managers,
marketers and salespeople, HR personnel, administrative staff—visualize and
share information they work with every day.  $199

Visio Professional

Tools to help technical professionals—IT specialists, developers, and
engineers—visualize existing ideas, information, and systems, and prototype
new ones.  $499

So from these descriptions, it would seem that if you want to "visualize existing ideas" you need the Professional version. Visio Standard doesn't appear to be compliant with any of your existing ideas only the ones you have after you buy Visio Standard. If you want Visio 2002 to work with your older ideas, you will need the Professional version for $300 more.

From Microsoft's PressPass website on WindowsXP and Privacy

Product Activation has already been cracked, or at least it will be cracked
very quickly, and therefore is of no anti-piracy benefit.

Actually, Product Activation has yet to be cracked. The so-called "crack"
now being passed around the Internet contains a set of instructions for
setting a registry key that disables activation. Microsoft made the existence
of this registry key public to its technical beta testers back in early
February telling them where it was and how to set it to disable activation,
and included it as a testing tool.

Still, the intellectual property protection arena is a cat-and-mouse game.
All intellectual property protection technologies will be cracked at some
point — it’s just a matter of time.
The measure of success is not
completely stopping software piracy, which is probably an unattainable goal.
Success is more likely to be measured in increased awareness of the terms of
the license agreement and increased license compliance.

If cracking protection is "just a matter of time" why in the hell would you do something that is going to bug the hell out of Customers and be totally non-existent to pirates ? I also like their arrogance about the "crack" that is out now. Let me let you in on a little secret Microsoft, that is just one of many that is out. And you releasing your version to external BETA testers was retarded. Let's call a spade a spade Microsoft, the Authentication stuff is dumb and pointless (you say so yourself) and the "crack" that is out from your release was a major fuck-up by you, as it should have never been sent to public testers.

And for some general link fun, check out the Web's WayBack Machine. They have been archiving snapshots of just about every website out there for a couple of years and you can watch the site's progression thru time. Its way cool.


You drive me crazy with that Boogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie oogie

So I'm gonna keep doing the site.. And your going to keep reading it.. So do me and you both a favor and tell a friend that doesn't come here to come here and enjoy the goodness.. If you have a website feel free to email me to exchange links or banners or whatever...

You know that funny little guy that runs lockergnome.com and is now on techTV? Well.. Lockergnome is still cool and he is still on techTV.. Uhhh yeah.. I don't know where I was going with that.. but heres a link.. so just never mind..

Do you use AOLIm?? If so go get some nasty icons for your bad self...

Woah.. Scientists have finally gotten braincells and silicon to work together.. are we getting closer to wetwear????

In celebration?? of the upcoming comedy central roast of the great Hef I found this interview with him.. Pretty cool read..

Mezzo.com is the new greatest web portal in the world...

If you are going to carve a pumpkin this year do it shotgun style!

Ok.. So you allready have your pimphat.. How about a pimp computer case?

Here are some cool printable paper airplanes for you to goof off at work with..

"We made out in a tree and this old guy watched us" is THE place on the internet to find weird out of context quotes.. And here is how the site got hits URL...

Ferret Legging is quite possibly one of the best sports ever!!! I think it should be in the olympics!!!!!!!!

This is a terribly kick ass java game.. IT RULES!!

Have you gotten your halloween all planned out yet?? Well halloween online may be able to help if not...

I saw a commercial for BIO BUGS last night and they look fucking cool.. They will hunt out each other and kill other species!!!

Oh god.. I also saw the new Tenacious D video for wonder boy last night!!! IT ROCKS!!!!!! You can check out the video here

Bush orders CIA to kill Osama Bin Laden

Miss cleo just called someone "sweetness". I know cory will find the humor in that!

My friends.. the 8th wonder of the world.. Tampon henge

Computer programmer of international terrorist?

Ever wonder if your favorite hollywood type was a scientolgist?? well. find out now...

I bet they found some weird stuff like this in the duplex after cory and I were done with it... Remember the Warez disposal system??

Whether its online, live, or table top.. Here is the big lexicon of gamer jargon

Got some spare time?? Go here to help to sharpen your sniper skills... And then check out these really really cool pictures of stuff getting shot.. there are some really cool ones...

Tons and tons of pictures of the Aurora Boralis here

And click here for a interview with satan.. Hear him bad mouth John Travolta...

Here are some halloween tips from the onion!

Say No To Zombie Woofs! Don't ask me why.. Just do it...

Ok.. well thats it for me.. Take care and help control the pet population.. Have your pets spade or neutured....



Well.. I think it was the saddle picture that convinced me... I'll keep doing the site..



Some ass stole my domain name of www.jonsnews.com.. This has really beaten the shit out of me the last couple of days.. I don't even know how to explain it.. I never thought someone would want to do that to me.. The site was just starting to peak when the domain went away.. And now I don't even know if I feel like doing it any more knowing that there are shit brains out there that would do that to someone... I got a email this morning offering to sell me MY OWN FUCKING DOMAIN back for seven hundred and fifty dollars. I write it out instead of using numbers becuase that hold more weight to me...
I am working two jobs right now and my wife and I are still 50 dollars short for rent and we are quickly running out of food.. My car needs a new tire. Girls car won't even start. Fuck that noise. I feel beaten.. Not just about this website.. About life in general.. I am fighting like fuck to try to get our heads above water... And then I get one of the few respits in my life snatched away.. I still have the site.. But I don't even know how I feel.. I was cranking out the long posts and it was very cathartic to me.. It helped me relieve a little bit of the stress I was under.. Then some asshole snatches it from me and offeres to FUCKING SELL IT TO ME FOR SEVEN HUNDRED AND FUCKING FIFTY DOLLARS!!! Fuck you...
One of the things that sucks the most about it too is that all my fucking email was going to jon@jonsnews.com So I have gotten no email from my family since then... And very little from my friends.. ALl because this fuck thought he could make a quick buck off of my 30 fucking hits a day site... Thirty hits a day folks.. thats right.. Thats all I was getting and I was happy with it.. I get about 8 now that the domains gone.. And thats not even really the point.. I just feel allmost.. violated now.. So I am going to ask for two things. The first.. If you read this site. Please click on the comment link at the bottom of this post and leave me a comment of why you feel I should keep doing this site. I don't care if its just saying "I enjoy reading it" or if you write something long and inspirational.. I just want every single person that comes here to leave a comment giving me a reason to keep doing this site.. Tell me how long you've been reading.. Anything.. Just give me a reason.....
Second. I am going to post this sorry fucks information. Please do anything that you feel necessary to this living piece of shit.. Email.. Page him.. call him at home.. use his email address to sign up for AOL. sign him up for gay nazi newsletters.. spam spam spam.. Send him nasty emails.. Just do something.. I like to think that I don't really ask for much back from doing this site and pouring myself into it.. But now I'm asking for two very important things....
His name is Eric Gray
His email is admin@opt2.net
His snail mail is
3705 North Runway Drive
Tucson, Arizona
postal zone 85705
But that one could be a front. The address on the domain registration is:
#41 Ranger Rd. Z-4
Signal Village, Taguig
Metro Manila, 1604 PH

Here is the info from register.com

Here are his phone and pager numbers
daytime business phone number is 520 888 4466.
personal digital pager number is 1 800 780 4983

He also runs this page.. Which I laugh at. A fucking mail order bride site.. Be sure to highlight the entire "hidden" tags at the bottom so you can see what kind of cheap crap this guy uses to get hits...

Well..I guess thats it.. I'll see what kind of response this gets and figure out what I am going to do from there.. Thank you all...

Just thinking

It seems lately that some companies are scrambling to ride the PR wave of other

The biggest one that a lot of folks are talking about is AMD naming their new

Athlon processor the AthlonXP. Now some people think that they are trying to
ride on the PR tidal wave of Microsoft's latest Operating System WindowsXP.
Which they might be, but are they the only one ?

I dont think so. Have you seen Intel's P4 logo lately ? Mmm that blue and orange on the logo looks like something I have seen before. Oh could it be the blue and orange that Microsoft is using for the WindowsXP logo ? It's subtle, but its there. Think I am crazy ?

RGB Values:

Windows XP

  • R: 255
  • G: 51
  • B: 1
P4's Logo
  • R: 254
  • G: 100
  • B: 1
Windows XP
  • R: 0
  • G: 102
  • B: 204
P4's Logo

  • R: 2
  • G: 49
  • B: 252

Okay well I might be a bit crazy for examining the RGB values of the colors, but I think I proved my point. There were 16 million+ colors that Intel could have chose for their P4 logo, and they just happened to chose those 2 ? Sure it might be a little more subtle then what AMD did but it is still there.

Also, I find myself wrestling between the meaning of 2 words, maybe you can help me. The first word is "box". The dictionary defines box as "A container typically constructed with four sides perpendicular to the base and often having a lid or cover." and if someone says the word box, I think we all have a pretty good idea of the shape and other visual properties of a box.

The second word is the word "cube". A cube is a "regular solid having six congruent square faces.". When hearing the word cube we all know what one looks like.

Box, Cube, Box, Cube ... wow thats similar. Box, Cube, Box, Cube, Box. Mmm. Almost so similar it could be confusing.

Let me make my point of the confusion factor with this little example:

A 12 year old kid tells his Mom and Dad the different things he wants for Christmas. Since he is a really cool kid of course on the top of his list will be the new Jay-Z CD "Blueprint". And being the greedy little bastard we all are at Christmas when we get the toy catalog in the mail, he asks for 2 of the newest console gaming systems coming out - The Fun Box and The PlayCube.

Now its time for Mom and Dad go shopping and as they enter the electronics section of the store a sinking feeling starts in their stomachs. No its not from crazy ass mall food its because they forgot what exactly the kid wanted for Christmas.

Dad:  "Was it the Toy Sphere ?"
Mom: "No I think it was the Goofy Pyramid."
Dad: "No, no it was definitely the Play Rhombi dodecahedron !"
Mom: "Shit I cant remember what the damn shape was."
Dad: "Well I remember that the first word was something exciting and fun."
Mom:  "Yeah no doubt to entice him into wanting one."
Dad:  "Well anything to keep him off the crack is fine with me."
Mom: "Oh I feel bloated from the Hot Sams."
Dad: *Deep In Thought*
Mom: "I have to get tampons before we leave, remind me."
Dad: "BOX !"
Mom: "What ?!"
Dad: "I think the shape was a box or square or something like that."
Mom: "I think you're right."

Now the 2 parents head over to the game consoles looking at all the packages on the shelves for a console with something similar to "box" in the name.

They find 2.  The first one is the "Fun Box" which costs $299.99 (clearly expensive because it is superior to all other consoles and has more processing power than the Russian Space Agency) and the "PlayCube" selling for $199.99.(obviously so incredibly cheap because the manufacturer Blimtenblow would get laughed at if they tried to push their cheap-ass, 1989-technology PlayCube for more than that).  So being the cheap bastards they are, they grab the PlayCube, plus the big picture of alarge yellow cartoon creature on the front makes them feel horny.

So the kid gets the crap console for Christmas just because the words "Box" and "Cube" are so damn similar and if memory serves me, the X-Box was named that
while the GameCube was still the Dolphin *tries to hold in laughter*.

The moral of this post ?   Do your research and make sure you get the most superior product and dont let yourself get tricked by clever marketing and double-talk.

PS:  Make sure to check out the new
Jay-Z-Box CDXP "Blueprint"
available at your local WinMX. = )



I just had a huge fucking post up. But IE crashed. Mother fuckers.. ARRRRRRGGGHHHHH

Ok.. here it goes again super quick style

Ouchy interviews here and here and here and his bookmarks. I made a joke about people who want to buy a shamecube having coprophagia

I linked to horseballs agian becuase I haven't in a long time.

I went to sexual positions free and found out he runs other funny informative sites here here and here and here.

Here is how to have sex with a dophin.

Which wipe works for you?

I posted the magic mystic racoon penis bone, and where to buy one (or any other penis bone you may want) maybe you could make a gamecube controller out of it...

And for the love of christ TODAYS BLECH OF THE DAY IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PAINTCAN COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey. Could you please leave the socks on tonight?

This was second choice for blech of the day...'

If you really need a gerbil or rodent extracted from your ass. Don't just go to anyone. Go to the specialists. And if you are not into shoving them up your bum then maybe think about the upcoming holidays and how you could serve them..

I want this pumpkin!

Need help with your love life? try the loveatron. Or savage love!

This is a REALLy good online comic. Especially if you have ever read and enjoyed love and rockets...

I also wrote about this freakish robotic cat. And how its not as cool as the aibo. Speaking of freaky cat things..

Some day I WILL build this...

And here is another fine site from my good man bnib

Yes. You too can become a hero by playing UT online.. Oh yes..

I also had found my new fetish.. Pirate Lingerie!!!!!!!

And this is to make up for the coprophagia comment.. Cause I know scott digs the cam girls..

If you find a hole in any of our code please don't tell anyone!

Ok.. I think that was allmost everything that was in the post before I lost it.. Please donate a buck if you can afford it.. see the amazon thing on the right..

Later.. Oh yea for some reason the jonsnews.com domain name is unaviable to register all of a sudden =-(


I just had a huge fucking post up. But IE crashed. Mother fuckers.. ARRRRRRGGGHHHHH

Ok.. here it goes again super quick style

Ouchy interviews here and here and here and his bookmarks. I made a joke about people who want to buy a shamecube having coprophagia

I linked to horseballs agian becuase I haven't in a long time.

I went to sexual positions free and found out he runs other funny informative sites


Quick Post

Anyone else think that ICQ should just die ?

Here is what the new version 2000b looks like:

Who the hell needs all that crap ?



Ok.. Its time again for the annual Jonsnews fund raiser drive. Girl and I are in a really tight spot and in desparate need of help. I'm not going to resort to banners. You all know that.. What I'm asking for is a buck or two or whatever you can spare. Every dollar helps. For right now you can use the amazon donate thingy on your left. I will be adding paypal soon. And if that keeps up, even a buck or two a day then I can keep posting and not go get a second job.. So.. Nuff' said on that.

Second. The www.jonsnews.com domain name is no more. So if someone wants to get me a early christmas present then I would love you forever. hint hint.

Now. On with the links and goodies.

Are you a woman? Do you have sex with a woman? Then you may want to learn how to squirt!!!!!!!

Check out the entire egyptian book of the dead online! Sweet!

Now. I want to talk about the shamegamecube for a moment. For one. Look at this. What is quite possibly the most retarded controller EVER. Second. Consider the fact that even though it has a DVD drive, and uses DVD technology. It CAN'T FUCKING PLAY DVDS!!!!!!!!!!! I won't even waste any more time saying how much it sucks. Its self evident..

Check out this site for SHITLOADS of flash games. Some are quite good...

Is the greatest performer in the entire world coming out with his own stance on Bin Laden and the whole thing? watch this video and see for yourself. And then read the lyrics!

I used to be a huge thundercats fan. I had all the action figures. I watched the cartoon religiously. I soooooooo can't wait for the movie... And if you have never heard of them go listen to the outtakes from the cartoon!

The world's primary information and support network for and about romantic relationships among cousins

Ok.. right now MTv is talking about the taliban and giving info on them.. and the background music is the new puff diddy daddy poppa smurf song..

I found out some more info on Boon-ga boon-ga. Check it out here and here and here and here.

Ok.. Well thats it for now. I'm going to go put some of my stuff up on ebay. Please donate if you can. Take care.


HArvest Moon is the best game ever..

I've been watching movies until my brain rots out lately and playing harvest moon. Harvest moon is incredible. I know. I have voiced my opinion of games where people pay and just get home from work and go to work in the game... But this is different. Sure I spent all day saving up so I could buy a cow and a basket to put my fruit into.. But.. Its just different OK!

Do you or anyone you know need a asskicking? Maybe this guy can help.. And what ever happened to those monkey phone calls???

I have two links that scott will absolutly love. The first is the halloween costume that I KNOW he would kill for..
And the second is Ask Optimus. The greatest help column in the world..

I think I am going to get one of these puppets and take my show on the road!

Awesome dick dot com. Suprisingly not really a porn site. Kind of..

Just about the coolest thing about Limp Bizkit is no more. Wheeeeee.

Last night I played what is quite possibly the worst game FUCKING EVER! Its Simpsons Wrestling. I love simpsons. I love wrestling. One would think that this game would be enjoyable. IGN gave it a ONE in their review. I think thats too much. Go read this review... It states it way better then I can..

And if you have a KFC anywhere near you GO FUCKING GET SOME OF THE NEW HONEY BAR-B-QUE WINGS!!!!!!! THEY ROCK!!!!!!!
Well.. I gotta go bathe and get ready for work.. I will try to post again tonight..


"can i see some id?"

ok, so there i am. on my way home from work, and i decide to get some beer. but oops, where is my id? shit, i left it at home. oh well, i'm sure i won't get carded.


how can someone mistake me for being under 21? hell, look at me!


Game News

The fall of Everquest may be coming very soon. It seems once given a reasonable alternative to Norrath people flock and in mass. Let just hope this game, like Everquest, doesnt turn out to be a big pile of repeating, sub-par visual, pile of shit EQ is.

Speaking of Verant, thankfully it looks like their next project Star Wars Galaxies is being kept in tight check by Lucas Arts. Thank god. Reports had this game coming out Q3 2002, but today it has been reported that it will be pushed back to sometime in late 2002. <hint> Which would make it a GREAT Christmas gift for me ! </hint>

The New Myth game, Pool of Radiance, has finally dethrowned the Sims as the number 1 selling video game. But dont count your chickens before you are able to micro-manage them into relationships and dates as the next Sims Expansion, Hot Date is right around the corner - coming out November 13 !

And also, let us not forget that Return to Castle Wolfenstein is coming out November 6th.

In closing, remember that on April 1st, 2002 we will all bow down to Star Trek Bridge Commander ! God I cant wait for this game !!! Lets just hope that somewhere in the game, no matter how slight, there is a reference to the Vulcan nerve pinch like their was in the last episode of Star Trek Enterprise !Oh sweet Star Trek Away Team is going to have the Vulcan Nerve Pinch in it !!


Can anyone tell me what this is all about???


Yo yo yo this is your latest post from J-dawg

Hey.. Whats up?? Plan on moving soon? Do you have a hippo?? If so the USPS can help!

Click here for before and after pics of one of the bombed training camps in afghanistan

Do you like to read stories about your favorite Jedi being tortured or put through hell? Better yet, do you like writing such stories? Well then, you have come to the right place. Welcome to the Jedi Hurtaholics Archive, your one stop shop for Jedi torture and angst.

Someone posted this is the comments. I wish the super huge free camel toe index was still up. This is a pay site.. But its still camel toes.. And the site also has a really interesting section on the history of the camel toe!

The guy who started and runs fuckedcompany.com just started his own custom made porn business... What a great idea!

I know this is Corys favorite game. So I hope he enjoys this.. AAHHHHHHHHHH MISS CLEO JUST THREATED TO TAKE SOMEONE TO CHURCH AGAIN!!! AHHHHHHHHHH

I remember Cop Rock. I truley believe it was the greatest TV show EVER...

If this turns out to be true then I will be with cory on his stance of the matrix.. I REALLY hope this remains just a rumor..

Todays BLECH OF THE DAY is quite possibly one of the weirdest fetishes I have ever heard of. I've heard of animal fetishes, I've seen stomping videos and crush videos.. but.. this is just odd..

Is james camaron making a ringworld movie? I hope so!

Now here is quite possibly the weirdest thing to come out of the whole attack thing. I want you all to look at this picture. Then look to the right of bin ladens head.. Right on his shoulder.. you see that?? ITS BERT!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH WHY?!?!??!?!?
Here is a better picture of it..
I guess bert is evil after all..
Here is a page about it...form your own opinion...

I bet scott is waiting for this game to come out on his gamePube. Read the reviews too...

Amazon.com has a site up for the new chicken quesadilla hand held

Here is a really good article given to me this morning by my good man bnib


Punchmynuts.com Not only a great domain name a great site too!!!!!!

Samantha is a big fat bitch...

Oh yes. The gas powered blender. The only piece of kitchen equipment you need!

YIKES!! the gallery

And this is to make of for a day that I didn't post a BLECH OF THE DAY!!!!