All your tarot are belong to us

Yeah. I know. AYBABTU is old (On a side note check out this page with all your base sung in a few different styles, Elvis, Nirvana, Etc..). I just thought it would be cool in relation to this article. Miss Cleo is taking shit over. First subverting the medical industry, Next the WORLD!

A-albionic used to be a old school crazy shit website. Its all sorts of consipiracy theories and all sorts of stutf. God. I can't believe I used to actually use a gopher client... I found it again because I was doing a little reading about scientolgy. I also refound the Church of Subgenius page, and the church of discordia both of which are VERY crazy shit.

Sweet!!! I just found this big ass page of Mr. T sound clips!!! JOY!

AHHHHHHH... This is scarey. But I guess the uglys need help getting hooked up too....but...blech...

Ummmm apperantly the sun is going to explode tommorow. That kinda ruins all my big plans.. Has anyone heard about the actual story behind this (with the GIANT fucking solar flare and all)

Wheeeeeee games

Hahahaha. Today I got a hit in my logs from someone with the hostname youra.crackhoe.com
thats fucking awesome! And this is their page!!! Whoever you are, your my new hero...

Check out todays BLECH OF THE DAY

I found this site today and I'm quit impressed... I may add them to my links.. When I get them back up!

God. I hate to be wrong. I clicked on a banner ad just a minute ago... And what it led me to was awesome. Thru a banner ad on the pokey the penguin site I found this site. And behold it for it is awesome.

I don't know who these guys are, but they got a link up to this site which makes me quite pleased. They need to make their cell for the table so it shrinks down to size on a smaller rez monitor though. Otherwise the design is pretty cool..

Well. I am gonna to play a little AOE2 and then take a nap and then post some more. Word up!

AHHHHHHHH

Remember when I mentioned mudvayne the other day? Heres the video. And heres a picture of dem freaks.

I'll be getting a menu system of some type or putting the links back up on the side or something today. Say something in the comments if you have a preference..

Ok.. Well???

Make sure you let me know what you think of whats going on. Your feedback is important to me...

If your reading this you no doubt saw the big front page. Its pretty much what I said in the last post. Just put up like that for the benefit of those that won't see the last post. I'll take it down in a couple days. Just want to make sure everyone see it and knows where I am coming from..

I think this should proce beyond a shadow of a doubt to scott that I'm not the guy behind the monkey phone calls...

I didn't even know that ign had a dvd section. I just typed it in at random... hehehe But I was looking for more info on this bad ass beastie boys dvd. Someday...

Unless you really read alot about All your base are belong to us, and its history, then you don't know that it was on the something aweful forum that most of the pictures came from. These guys rock ass at photoshop and they are funny as ass.

Sprint has a very nice color screened cell phone coming out soon. I just can't wait till you can play quake on it..

*drooool*

Well. thats it for tonight kiddies. Tommorows another day...

Is it better to burn out or to fade away??

First. The last couple days I haven't posted much.. Just lots of stuff going on in my life..

I am completely broke and in debt. And having a internet connection is a cost I am going to have to go without. Cory suggested banners.. but I REFUSE to put a banner ad on this page. I hate them. I despise them. I loath them..

But I am also incredibly poor. Right now my budget does not even afford money for food.

But. I also put alot of work into making this page and keeping it up and making it something that you guys can enjoy. So I have a proposal. I will put a amazon payment thing on the right hand side. All I ask is that if you come to this page and find even the smallest bit of enjoyment that you give a little something. It doesn't have to be much. Even a dollar will help me out.. Every little bit will be so incredible apperciated. If I make 70 dollars this month (April) I will be able to keep the page up and continue updating it. If not.... the page closes at the end of next month..

I love this page. Its the first even remotely big thing I have ever done in my life. People out there actually make a effort to come here and see what I have written. If your reading this your probably one of them. Updating it makes me happy. Seeing people come here makes me happy. Its all very cathartic...

So for coming here for these months this site has been up I feel I owe you something for coming here and making me happy. So I'm not going to put some lame ass banner ad up. So giving money this way will keep a annoying banner ad out of here too. All you will have to see is the box on the right hand bar. If you have a buck or two please think about giving something back to this end.. To me it seems alot better then a banner ad. And I promise if you guys give me at least 60 bucks over the next 30 some days I will NEVER post another picture of my ass again. Its a fucking promise. And If we meet our goal (I saw ours because its a goal for you too if you enjoy the site) then I will continue posting. And we'll do it all over again the next month as long as I can make this page pay for my connection to the net then I will keep posting.

And its only 15 bucks a week if you want to think of it like that. I get about 50 - 100 hits a day. If different person that came here over a week gave one dollar the entire month would be paid for. AND any money given over the 70 bucks I will donate a portion of it to charity. Ok enough of that. I guess we will view it as a expiriment. If we do it then great. If not then I will say my goodbyes later.

Ok. I won't plug this again for the rest of the month, I may make a quick introduction page to mention it when you come here, and then if you've read it you can just bookmark the normal page.. Either it happens or it doesn't... So bring on the links!!!

I'm fucking terrified of heights. So this doesn't even fucking appeal to me in the least. Though I imagine after girl and I get married we'll find plenty of other weird places.

Its nice to see our new president is fucking WASTING OUR MONEY

Google has a swedish chef search engine!! FUCKING SWEET.

This nutty fucker ROWED ACROSS THE PACIFIC OCEAN!!!!

Oh fucking SWEET. This is some tight schwag. A fucking portable cd player that can play fucking VCDS TOO!

I've linked it along time ago... but text mode quake is fucking AWESOME

Now this link is for my best friend cory. I know he is going to be setting this as his homepage!

Corporage goth. For the working goth in your life.

X-entertainment has a new article up about the mysteries of the marvel universe.

And then go to this site and check out all these fucking awesome SNL parody commercials. I think I will dig up that site with all the celebrity jeopardy skits on it too to post later.

Well thats it for now. Thank you all again for just being part of this. No matter how it ends. And comment on this whole thing too. Do you think its good, bad, do you think I suck for asking???

Don't look!

I just had to post to say "don't look at my boy's butt!!!" It's mine!! =-) I can't even believe he posted it actually. It really surprised me but hey, now I have easy access to it during the week =-Þ That's all I have to say. I must go clean now. Oh, and Curtis, if you are reading this, Lindsey is VERY fun!! Ok that's all!!

Work and a science project

Tonight at work was really cool. Remember how a couple days ago I got my hair cut? Girl mentioned it in her post and I think I did too. Well tonight at work we had some fun with it..
Check out my best friend headface. Hes a pretty nice guy. Has a really cute smile.. Oh yeah. He was a sailor at one time...

And click here if you want to see a picture of my ass.

Second part of this is your Jonsnews Science expirement.

Go to you kitchen and see if you have any cornstarch
if you don't go buy some.
Second take a cup of the stuff and put it in a bowl
add a little water and mix
If its clumpy add a little more water
if its runny add more cornstarch

Do this until its kinda pastey

what you have is the most incredible element knowen to mankind. If you put pressure on it it becomes a fucking solid. If you let the pressure off it becomes a liquid. Pick some up and squeeze it and crumbles. Stop squeezeing and it oozes thru your hands....
Its fucking coolk..

Anyway.

I find it funny that this guy is a college professor and he thinks that the moon rock is going to give his sword some magical properties.

Anyways. Cory and I just got done with a really good game of AOE2. He so had me if he hadn't have left his front so open... AOE2 rocks socks..

I'm tired. Cory says I need to post more exciting things about my life.. I got the new ASS catalog and I am going to read that and go to bed so I can have a exciting day tommorow..

night.

*Yawn*

I'm gonna go take a nap. I have a cool science trick for you all after though..

I'm half assed tempted to download IE6 again..

Man. What do you guys think of this?? If I went thru the hassel of figuring it out would you use it? Drop a comment. And sign up for the damn mailing list.. ONE person has so far... So sign up. I'll be sending links that I don't post here to it rather soon..

I used to have this toy. It was fucking awesome as I remember it.. I wish we still had crazy ass toys like that now...

I've been watching the advances in wearable computers for the last couple years. I'm getting more and more exiceted for it to hit the main stream....

In todays crazy job market its good to know that job security is just a photograph of your boss with a hooker away..

Its comforting to know that there are crazy assheads out there that will gladly take a $175,000 piece of hardware and turn it into a FRIDGE. You sirs are my heros. And be sure to check out someone who did quite the opposite.

Joy. Its nice to know that not only is the biggest asshole in the country trying to fuck up our relations with other countries, he plans on fucking things up REAL good right here too. Hmmm lets see. Is it really a good idea to open up fucking millions of acres of our national forests for logging and oil and mining? FUCK NO. God this is going to be a royally fucked up four years (Free registration needed for the aticle. Just uses jgilmour69 as the username and pass if you don't feel like registering)

Before MTV picks them up and they get all popular and the fucking shit ass radio stations pick them up and ass fuck our ears with them I just want to say that Saliva ROCKS..

HAHAHAHA GO CALL THIS PHONE NUMBER!!! 1-866-477-9246 Its funny. I think I've heard of it before though.. heheh good stuff.

Ok. Thats it for now.. more later.

Yes Yes...

I just got back from a press conference in Toronto....its even in the news! (hopefully that link works, its like three lines long blah). It was fun i guess, i learnt a lot about how a news conference works. I got to talk to a bunch of news media people but luckily i escaped onto the cutting room floor :)

Well.

I got the comments thing fixed. Its all done on the server side via the mighty PHP. So no more ass slowness. Sorry about that.. I was using a prebaked comments system that ran on another system. So I was at their feet if I wanted to use it. I was afraid of writing one in php. But it wasn't that bad.. It all works now.. so lalala

Thats one battle down for the site. Still got the BIG one left. If ANYONE of you has even the slighest idea how to search multiple files for a string and replace them with another string in linux (or windows) without FUBARing the files please drop a note in the comment for this post.

Also If you haven't allready then sign up for the Jonsnews Mailing list. Its two way so you guys can send shit too. Either send a email to jonsnews-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or click here for a mailto link, or click the hand button the follows and sign up via the web.




Click to subscribe to jonsnews

I like my sugar with cofee and cream.

I dig the beastie boys. They are tight shit..

Hopefully I can keep girl posting. Noone else has signed up for the mailing list yet. So get on it. Two posts down buddy. Three ways to do it. Zero excuses not to..

I fixed the slow loading problems we were having. But at the cost of taking out the commenting system. I will work on replaceing that too.

I think everyone at work and girl will agree that there are times when I could really use one of these.

This is fucking sweet! Check out the microsoft mouse art!!!

The next two links got emailed me by curtis. The first one Jackin world is a great site for all you lonely guys out there.. The second is the greatest list of drinking games in the history of man. But I don't think they have the Tech support drinking game.

And Joel found this and its very very very very pretty and shiney!!!

Furrybid. Its kinda like ebay for furry freaks. Blech.

Wow. This site is really really really lame. Make sure to check out their examples. Asking someone to marry you should be this big romantic thing that you do.. not that comes packaged on a website for you to just email to someone..

This lady chronicled all the advertisements she encountered throughout her day. Very interesting read.

OOOOOOOOooooooooooooo I may have to get this burned to audio. I fucking love william gibson. This would be mega sweet for the trip up to girls and back constantly...

Man... These things are mega badass. If I wasn't so fat and uncoordinated I would get a pair... Read this article about them too.

Shiney!! shiney!! shiney!!

I FUCKING WANT A CUSTOM MAGIC 8 BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And check out this guy who dissected a magic 8 ball.

Naked Volleyball. The URL is descriptive enough.

One of my favorite holidays, April fools day, is only a week away.

Woah. This is a pretty crazy idea. Its weird. It would be weird to see me on a card some day.. crazy

Scifi.ign.com has a good article up about ten of the best fantasy stories ever. I need to start reading more.

Check out survivor monster island!

Sometimes I can reallly groove to J-pop. and the pizzacato five are at the top of the game. Its a shame they are breaking up.. but they are leaving 15 years of fucking wonderful music behind them. J-pop is really cool. If you would like to explore this awesome genra of music check out some of these bands as well as the pizzacato five: Cibo Matto, Cornelius, Buffalo Daughter, Towa Tei, Fantastic Plastic Machine, Kahimi Karie, and Puffy. Even if you can't understand the words, you know good music when you hear it.. Music transcends language..

I honestly think this is one of the weirdest things I have ever found on the internet to date. I can't tell if its fake or really some crazy guy and his cat and his trailer outside pretty much 24 hours a day.. Creepy.


Well my neighbor just had a orgasm.. Good for her.... wait.. Make that two... The first was a gasping porn star orgasm. The last one didn't really sound that great. I think her man let her down the second time. But then again thats if she even has a man.
I think I should go put a big sign in their front yard that says "I heard you doing the wild monkey dance and posted about it on www.jonsnews.com. And all you got was some lousy public humiliation"
Fucking a! Now the walls are doing some thumping.. This is the play by play folks. Her guys making a come back. Shes moaning. Thump thump thump.. Wait. I think he fired his round off too quick. Poor guy.

Its funny. I made enough noise in the house. They gotta know I'm home.. plus I banged around in this room for awhile before they started bumping uglies.

Ok. I think they are finally done pounding ass. Back to our programming.

I'm back!

Hey! This is 2 times in one night. Go me! I am really quite tired right now...but I don't think I could bring myself to go to sleep. That's ok though because now I can just post my life away. Wow i'm lame. That's okay though. If you ever hear Jon complaining about needing a haircut, tell him to go to a barber because I will never cut his hair again after this last time. "Oops" seemed to be a popular word while I was cutting his hair. I think we got it fixed up though. It's just really...short. It's cool though. Welllllll, I am going to get to bed I suppose. Night.

Title.

I haven't posted on here for quite a while but i'm bored right now so I figured I would! I really don't have anything to post, I just found my account stuff in my email so I figured I would use it again...so I guess i'm done...Hey boy!! =-)

Real Seafood. Real Quick.

God.. I am so hard up for good titles. I just got that from a Cap'n Dee's bag sitting on my computer desk. God.. Cap'n catch fish sandwichmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh god they are so fucking yummy. I may have one for lunch...

I installed IE6 beta last night. Its got some REALLY bad ass shit. And it seems even faster then IE5.. BUT all the frames in bloger where fucked up so I trashed it.. When I trashed it, it decided to take OE with it. Even though I specifically said DO NOT INSTALL OE6 MOTHER FUCKER. So I had to recover that and blah blah blah

Before I get to the links I want to say "subscribe to the JonsNews mailing list!!!!!!!" Its neat. As soon as membership breaks 10 I will start sending stuff to it. And its cool cause you guys can send shit to the list too. Its good times... And if you don't fancy mailto links send a email to jonsnews-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Or you can use this button:

Click to subscribe to jonsnews


I read on some site that this was going to be the "Next big search engine" and it was going to smashdown google. Fuck that. It looks like utter ass and its just shit. Google is the best search engine EVER.

I am REALLY excited about the x-box (I was going to link the official site.. but they got ride of their sock rocking flash.. So they can suck it). I have went from a MS hating person to actually loveing the products. They may not be the most ethical. But IE is just fucking AWESOME. And their games are fucking ass awesome.. AOE2 and Midtown madness are some of the best games I have ever played. So now MS is saying that we don't have to worry about BSOD on the gaming system SWEET. And I heard somewhere else yesterday they have the boot time down to less then a second..

Check out these majorly badassed headphones..

Looks like the guy who invented slim jims died. I wonder if Macho Man randy savage will deliver the eulogy. OHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah

It looks like canada may be facing a national crises. I wonder how much you could make going over there and helping to fill up their reserves...

"British space scientists " I found that sentance funny. I didn't even know the british had discovered space yet.. Let alone had any plans on going there. Have the brits ever even sent a man into space yet on their own??? If you know post in the comments.

Chi chi chi chip and dales MMORPG!!!

I think I've posted this before.. but do we really need erotic origami?

This game is hella fucking fun. Go play it. I kinda got distracted from writing this to play it.

AHHHHHHHHHHH this is crazy!!! Watch some baseball player nail the fuck out of a bird. Its fucked up.

This was a really good read. I used to be addicted to MTG big time. The game sold out too though. It changed... I stopped playing when I moved out and then i went to start playing again and it had gotten to the point where you HAD to buy all the new cards because all your old cards were useles...

"A man whose hobbies include stripping has hoisted a 1959 Chevrolet pickup into a 30-foot tree as a clubhouse and romantic getaway for women" I'll give you one hint where this guy is from... But people are also totally retarded here in ohio too.

Heres the most morbid site I have found in awhile... The worst ways to die.

Be sure to check out these nutty japanese inventions. Such as the butter stick!

This link is for scott. Cause I know he is slavering to see Jennifer Lopez's nipples...Too bad shes not hot.

Hey look kids. You can get your papel blessings online now!!! All we need is a quick and easy form for the total absolution of sins and we should be all set. Yet another reason I don't dig organize religion too much.

It makes me happy when Matt reviews stuff. So go read his newest review of all the n64 games he has. And check out this review on x-e of all the great classic kids games you know you used to play.

They are finally ending the Bozo the clown show. And they are going to replace it with a moderinzed version.. blech. Clowns are scarey

Mr. Bean saves the day yet again!

Go here for some ideas on how to give your computer a face lift!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH i want to live in japan!!!!!!!

GREAT! My last quarter of college, 10 more weeks before I get to join the working force, and I get stuck with the a shitty economy to look forward to.
I've waited this long to become independant and to be able to make a living for myself, only to walk out into the world on unsteady ground. Not more than a few months ago, they were talking that the economy was the best it could get. America was great and prosperous. Then January hit, a new president was elected and now people aren't so sure. Looking back around the time of the Gulf War, the economy was the same way, unsteady, unstable and lacking promise. AAHH, connection.. never let a Bush into the whitehouse.
Its bad enough that our generation won't see Social Security and that we'll have to clean up after the baby boomers but just think how bad it will be for my future offspring.. Paying $10 for a gallon of gas, $20 for a pack of Marlboro's, and $1000 a month to heat their homes.
Ok, thats looking too far into the future, but at the current rates, it could happen.
Thats the price you have to pay for living in a "Free" country I suppose. Only if free means having to live day by day, sitting and waiting for one extramely old person to say wether the US economy is good or bad, then yes.. we live in a totally free country.
But for now I guess I'll have to make the best of whats been delt to me. I'll just have to keep a poker face and hold that ace up my sleeve a few rounds longer.

HEY!! Lexi, is there a need for Computer Science majors in Canada? Just curious.

Chillin like a villian..


Awwwwwwwwwwwww yeah..
I'm fully back. Tonight after I get back from watching wrestling at corys I am going to work on the menu system, and some other page shit that I need to do. I had a good few days away from it all.. but I'm reading to be updating again.

Check out this article about some of the crazyness that went on in MIR. I think this shits cool..

C-net has a pretty good review of windows XP up...

Looks like this new robopup is going to be kick the aibos ass left and right. Its pretty badass. Check out the IGN write up of it.

And this is the most disturbing site I have for you right now..

Test it out.

Sign up and send some messages. If this one sucks we will try another one.

sign up by sending a email to jonsnews-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
or just click here if you don't want to copy and paste. The mailing list is going to be like little nuggets of jonsnews throughout your day!!!

Does anybody know?

Of a really good mailing list service? I want to start a jonsnews mailing list.

Wow. The site seems really crippled without the menu on top.. checking into one that cory suggested.

Sweet Googly Moogly

Not having any hair on your head makes you quite cold. My hair has never been this short in my entire life.. but its well worth it cause girl really likes it and she keeps playing with my head so i plan on having this haircut for a looooooooong time..hehehe


I just saw two of the most fucked up videos ever. MTV just playd Butterfly by Crazytown.. which is a song I like.. the video is ok.. then they follow it up by (I think) L.D.50 by a band called Mudvayne. THEY ARE FUCKED UP AHHHHHHHHHHh I'll find pictures to post later. I was scared. Then I saw the video for I did it by DMB which is a seriously fucked up video too..

Girl should be home from school soon.. So lalala more later.

Hey.

I'm just getting to bed. I removed the fucking menu at top cause I actually loaded the page on dialup and it made me want to stick fucking lamanated yak pieces into my brain.

So.. I have it all backed up so I can do something else with it.. just not sure what..

So.. beddy bye time for me...
night.